Read Online Killings on Jubilee Terrace by Robert Barnard - Free Book Online
Authors: Robert Barnard
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Terrace a dozen times.
‘I’m Marjorie Harcourt-Smith. Are you auditioning for a new part?’
‘Auditioning? No. Do I look like an actor? I’m flattered.’
‘I don’t see why you should be flattered. It’s only slavery with the added disadvantage of frequent unemployment.’
‘I’m flattered because in television drama everybody is twenty-five per cent better looking than his or her equivalent in real life would beand twenty-five per cent better dressed as well. Anyway you’ve got your token black, haven’t you?’
They both looked to the other end of the studio, where Susan and James, ever together and ever apart, were sprawled in two easy chairs.
‘Oh, we don’t have token blacks – I mean, we’ve had lots in the past: Mr Raschid the garage proprietor and…’ Her voice and memory failed her. ‘Yes, we have one token black. For the moment.’
‘Not popular?’
‘A right little shit. You don’t mind my saying so?’
‘Not at all. All minorities have the right to produce shits. Or even monsters. Anyway, I’m Charlie Peace.’ He got out his ID. ‘Inspector Peace.’
Marjorie Harcourt-Smith peered at the plastic.
‘Inspector? Health and Safety?’
‘No, law and order.’
‘Oh. Good Heavens.’ Charlie watched her eyebrows going skywards. ‘Well, you’d know all about tokenism.’
‘You were married – in the soap – to Vernon Watts weren’t you?’
There was a throb in the voice when she simply said: ‘Yes.’
‘What sort of man was he?’
‘Look, we were about as close as those two over there. Not close at all. You won’t get a balanced account from me.’
‘Well, I’ll settle for an unbalanced one. So far I have nothing on him.’
‘Well—’ She stopped before she started. ‘But why are you interested in Vernon?’
‘Never mind that. Just tell me about him, and why you didn’t get on.’
Marjorie closed her eyes.
‘He was an ageing music hall star. Made a good living for a time in the variety theatres and working men’s clubs. Got used to the spotlight, loved it and needed it. Then when the music hall faded—’
Charlie felt out of his depth and held up an open hand to stop her.
‘What exactly was the music hall, and why did it fade?’
‘Song and dance, conjurors, acrobats, even hypnotists. Comics like Vernon were its backbone. It faded because of radio and television. Hancock’s Half Hour, Round the Horne . Then television sitcoms like Steptoe and Dad’s Army . The music hall couldn’t cope with that class of competition. It became surplus to requirements. Vernon was enormously lucky to get the part of Bert Porter. Not that he ever showed any consciousness of his luck, let alone gratitude for it.’
‘I’m beginning to get the picture,’ said Charlie. ‘We’ve just heard one of your current actors throwing a hissy fit. Were there resemblances?’
‘Between Hamish and Vernon? Oh please – I wouldn’t want you to think Vernon was that bad. Hamish is a one-off. Vernon was vain, he was pushy, he tried to sleep with all the new girls in the series—’
‘Did he succeed?’
‘Not recently. All the new girls were tipped the wink that if they thought sleeping with Vernon might be a way of getting a permanent role in Terrace they should think again. Boys were warned too, because Vernon was not averse to a change of scenery.’
‘Boys like your handsome black friend over there?’
‘Oh, James wouldn’t need a warning. He’s got everything sized up and summed up. He’ll know exactly who’s worth cultivating, and how. There’s just one drawback for James.’
‘What’s that?’
‘He’s not interested in making it in a soap. He wants to be a great actor. He wants to make his mark in Jubilee Terrace , then move onwards and upwards.’
‘And will he?’
Marjorie shrugged.
‘Who can say? He has the drive and theego. But people suspect that everything he does acquires a little strain of James. And James is not nice. That’s a
‘I’m Marjorie Harcourt-Smith. Are you auditioning for a new part?’
‘Auditioning? No. Do I look like an actor? I’m flattered.’
‘I don’t see why you should be flattered. It’s only slavery with the added disadvantage of frequent unemployment.’
‘I’m flattered because in television drama everybody is twenty-five per cent better looking than his or her equivalent in real life would beand twenty-five per cent better dressed as well. Anyway you’ve got your token black, haven’t you?’
They both looked to the other end of the studio, where Susan and James, ever together and ever apart, were sprawled in two easy chairs.
‘Oh, we don’t have token blacks – I mean, we’ve had lots in the past: Mr Raschid the garage proprietor and…’ Her voice and memory failed her. ‘Yes, we have one token black. For the moment.’
‘Not popular?’
‘A right little shit. You don’t mind my saying so?’
‘Not at all. All minorities have the right to produce shits. Or even monsters. Anyway, I’m Charlie Peace.’ He got out his ID. ‘Inspector Peace.’
Marjorie Harcourt-Smith peered at the plastic.
‘Inspector? Health and Safety?’
‘No, law and order.’
‘Oh. Good Heavens.’ Charlie watched her eyebrows going skywards. ‘Well, you’d know all about tokenism.’
‘You were married – in the soap – to Vernon Watts weren’t you?’
There was a throb in the voice when she simply said: ‘Yes.’
‘What sort of man was he?’
‘Look, we were about as close as those two over there. Not close at all. You won’t get a balanced account from me.’
‘Well, I’ll settle for an unbalanced one. So far I have nothing on him.’
‘Well—’ She stopped before she started. ‘But why are you interested in Vernon?’
‘Never mind that. Just tell me about him, and why you didn’t get on.’
Marjorie closed her eyes.
‘He was an ageing music hall star. Made a good living for a time in the variety theatres and working men’s clubs. Got used to the spotlight, loved it and needed it. Then when the music hall faded—’
Charlie felt out of his depth and held up an open hand to stop her.
‘What exactly was the music hall, and why did it fade?’
‘Song and dance, conjurors, acrobats, even hypnotists. Comics like Vernon were its backbone. It faded because of radio and television. Hancock’s Half Hour, Round the Horne . Then television sitcoms like Steptoe and Dad’s Army . The music hall couldn’t cope with that class of competition. It became surplus to requirements. Vernon was enormously lucky to get the part of Bert Porter. Not that he ever showed any consciousness of his luck, let alone gratitude for it.’
‘I’m beginning to get the picture,’ said Charlie. ‘We’ve just heard one of your current actors throwing a hissy fit. Were there resemblances?’
‘Between Hamish and Vernon? Oh please – I wouldn’t want you to think Vernon was that bad. Hamish is a one-off. Vernon was vain, he was pushy, he tried to sleep with all the new girls in the series—’
‘Did he succeed?’
‘Not recently. All the new girls were tipped the wink that if they thought sleeping with Vernon might be a way of getting a permanent role in Terrace they should think again. Boys were warned too, because Vernon was not averse to a change of scenery.’
‘Boys like your handsome black friend over there?’
‘Oh, James wouldn’t need a warning. He’s got everything sized up and summed up. He’ll know exactly who’s worth cultivating, and how. There’s just one drawback for James.’
‘What’s that?’
‘He’s not interested in making it in a soap. He wants to be a great actor. He wants to make his mark in Jubilee Terrace , then move onwards and upwards.’
‘And will he?’
Marjorie shrugged.
‘Who can say? He has the drive and theego. But people suspect that everything he does acquires a little strain of James. And James is not nice. That’s a
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