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Authors: Stephen Backhouse
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the yearly amount Michael had apportioned to his wife Anne in their first marriage contract. Michael was an assiduous bookkeeper, moral as well as financial. The ledgers that record his payments are sometimes accompanied by handwritten notes from Søren. These are aide memoirs of shame, such as the entry for the 1262 r.d. which reads: “ In this way my father has helped me out of financial embarrassment, for which I give my thanks.”
The old man managed the paradoxical feat of being indulgent and grudging at the same time. The indulgence led to resentfulness at home. Michael, frugal and self-made, resented paying. Peter, ever the dutiful brother, resented the apparent favour shown to this prodigal son. Søren resented the straightjacket life and constant comparisons with his brother. His journals contain multiple ruminations on the family dynamic: “ Peter has always regarded himself as better than I and pettily [regarded me] as the prodigal brother. He is right in so thinking, for he has always been more upright than I. His relation to Father, for example, was that of an upright son—mine, on the other hand, was often blameworthy: ah, but yet Peter has never loved Father as I did.” The three were often not on speaking terms with each other. This was true of the brothers especially. Their silent feuds prompted Michael to comment with exasperation more than once that he simply did not know what was the matter with Søren.
One window into the family relationship at this time comes from another public arena, that of the church. Here, attendance records reveal how often—or how little—the three attended Communion together. There is record of father and sons attending separately, and occasionally in pairs. Peter especially is conspicuous by his absence. He often suffered bouts of depression, which he linked in his mind to various religious crises. In March 1834 , for example, Peter withdrew from communion, giving as his reason Matthew 5:23–34: “But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgement.” The adult Søren would come to admire a man who takes seriously the commands of Jesus in the New Testament. However, as an adolescent, Søren felt he suffered on account of his brother at these times, “when he became morbidly religious.”
The dynamics were to change again when Peter introduced Marie into the mix. The daughter of a recently deceased bishop and a keen singer, Marie Boiesen accepted Peter’s proposal in June 1836. They were wed in October of that year. Rather than take this event as an opportunity to flee the family homestead, Peter brought Marie to live at 2 Nytorv. He later recalled how she brought a note of happiness to the home. It would be a fleeting note however. By July 1837, weakened by a bout of influenza and afflicted with gastric fever, Marie was dead.
Søren’s journals at this time make no direct reference to the death. This is in fact typical for his entries, which are often less like daily diaries and more like “thought experiments.” However, around this time there are numerous allusions to sadness, tragedy, and the pointlessness of petit-bourgeois life. True to form, Peter’s diary is more prosaic and informative: “ Søren these days is perhaps more than ever before weighed down with brooding, almost more than his health can stand . . . A recreational trip he began the very day of the funeral had to be cut short towards the end once it went wrong, it didn’t help at all.” Marie’s passing evidently did nothing to bring the Kierkegaards closer together. In the same month as her funeral, another of Søren’s notes appears in Michael’s account book. Next to yet one more of Michael’s repayments on his son’s behalf, Søren is forced to write: “ Since from the coming first of September 1837 I will leave my father’s house and cease to be a participant in his household, he has promised me 500 r.d. / year for my subsistence.”
The old man managed the paradoxical feat of being indulgent and grudging at the same time. The indulgence led to resentfulness at home. Michael, frugal and self-made, resented paying. Peter, ever the dutiful brother, resented the apparent favour shown to this prodigal son. Søren resented the straightjacket life and constant comparisons with his brother. His journals contain multiple ruminations on the family dynamic: “ Peter has always regarded himself as better than I and pettily [regarded me] as the prodigal brother. He is right in so thinking, for he has always been more upright than I. His relation to Father, for example, was that of an upright son—mine, on the other hand, was often blameworthy: ah, but yet Peter has never loved Father as I did.” The three were often not on speaking terms with each other. This was true of the brothers especially. Their silent feuds prompted Michael to comment with exasperation more than once that he simply did not know what was the matter with Søren.
One window into the family relationship at this time comes from another public arena, that of the church. Here, attendance records reveal how often—or how little—the three attended Communion together. There is record of father and sons attending separately, and occasionally in pairs. Peter especially is conspicuous by his absence. He often suffered bouts of depression, which he linked in his mind to various religious crises. In March 1834 , for example, Peter withdrew from communion, giving as his reason Matthew 5:23–34: “But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgement.” The adult Søren would come to admire a man who takes seriously the commands of Jesus in the New Testament. However, as an adolescent, Søren felt he suffered on account of his brother at these times, “when he became morbidly religious.”
The dynamics were to change again when Peter introduced Marie into the mix. The daughter of a recently deceased bishop and a keen singer, Marie Boiesen accepted Peter’s proposal in June 1836. They were wed in October of that year. Rather than take this event as an opportunity to flee the family homestead, Peter brought Marie to live at 2 Nytorv. He later recalled how she brought a note of happiness to the home. It would be a fleeting note however. By July 1837, weakened by a bout of influenza and afflicted with gastric fever, Marie was dead.
Søren’s journals at this time make no direct reference to the death. This is in fact typical for his entries, which are often less like daily diaries and more like “thought experiments.” However, around this time there are numerous allusions to sadness, tragedy, and the pointlessness of petit-bourgeois life. True to form, Peter’s diary is more prosaic and informative: “ Søren these days is perhaps more than ever before weighed down with brooding, almost more than his health can stand . . . A recreational trip he began the very day of the funeral had to be cut short towards the end once it went wrong, it didn’t help at all.” Marie’s passing evidently did nothing to bring the Kierkegaards closer together. In the same month as her funeral, another of Søren’s notes appears in Michael’s account book. Next to yet one more of Michael’s repayments on his son’s behalf, Søren is forced to write: “ Since from the coming first of September 1837 I will leave my father’s house and cease to be a participant in his household, he has promised me 500 r.d. / year for my subsistence.”
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