across the slow roll of frosted night sea, then broke out the oars and rowed the remaining mile to the lee side of the reef. The cocaine boat arrived about an hour later, noiselessly, showing no running lights. I breathed in the fresh night air; the sweet south wind blowing across from Cuba. Finally, something seemed real. After three blurry, hellish days of gauzy disbelief, nauseating guilt, and, finally, awful, awful realization, this, at least, seemed real.
I had gone through the funeral like a zombie. I spoke to no one, answered no one, refused to acknowledge condolences.
Former film star murdered!
It brought the newspaper ghouls on the run.
One beefy reporter approached after the funeral. Very demanding, very pushy. He said heâd been one of Janetâs best friends before she âleft the business.â I owed him a statement. Some good quotes. Was I mixed up in drug running? How was she involved? Had she been hooked on something?
He watched me, a perplexed look on his face, when I started to smile. I reached into my pants pockets. It wasnât there. I finally located the little tin of snuff in my coat. There were a lot of people around. Curiosity seekers. The pretty actress and her two little boys had been blown to bits. My, my, what a shame. Any celebrities around that might give an autograph? What about that big blond guyâhadnât he starred with her in a film? No, that was the husband; the guy who had ruined her career and, finally, her life. The beefy newspaper reporter watched me slip the Copenhagen into my cheek.
âWhat the hellâs the matter? Whyâre ya smiling like that? Listen, I realize this is a tough time for you, buddy, but I need a story. Came all the way down here from New Yorkââ
I nailed him with an amber stingerâfull in the right eye. He dropped his little notebook, howling.
âGoddam it, you canât treat the working press like that! Youâll be hearing from ourââ
He tried to sucker-punch me. Soft chubby roundhouse in slow motion. I brushed it away and stuck him good with a left. His nose collapsed, blood spattering the other reporters.
And then Rigaberto was there, guiding me away.
âAny of you other vultures want a story?â
âDonât bother with them, Duskyâthey arenât worth the trouble.â
âHow about you, fat boy? UPI? Iâll be glad to give you a story, too.â
The reporters scattered in the face of this madness. I called them names. Childish obscenities you might hear from teenage boys readying for a fight none of them wanted. Only, I wanted to fight. Fight them all. I was ready to kill, and someone was going to dieâthem, me, it didnât matter.
âThis is Dr. Robinson, Dusky. Heâs going to give you something to calm you down.â
Muscular, good-looking man in a suit. There was a needle in his hand.
âHowâd you like me to stick that hypo up your ass, sawbones?â
I never got a chance to hear his answer. Something stung my arm, and then, mercifully, there was nothing. . . .
Oh, the killers had done a professional job, all right. Rigaberto filled me in, sitting in a chair beside my hospital bed. Someone had sent flowers. Red roses. I didnât even bother to read the card. Outside, in the sterile hallways, nurses in white uniforms hurried back and forth while doctors so-and-so were paged softly over the telecom system.
âBefore I tell you anything, Dusky, I want you to promise me something. This is a job for professional law enforcement, and I want you to promise youâll stay out of it. Okay?â
âAbsolutely, amigo . Absolutely.â
He knew I was lying. âI mean it, Dusky. This has all been tragic enough. I donât want to end up having to arrest you.â
âWrite out an oath and Iâll sign it in blood.â
He reached over and patted me on the forearm. âDusky, there are just some things one man
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