inside this old carcass of mine. Things starting to go bad. Eyes giving outâand I used to have fine eyes. Almost as fine as my fatherâs. Legs going, heart going. And I feel trapped in here, too.â He tapped himself on the forehead. âNothing worse than that sort of trapped.â
Slowly, Papa stuck his hand inside the cage to the big cat. It struck me that I should have jerked him awayâbut I could never have done that. Not to him. The indignity would have been worse than losing a hand. The cat stopped, yellow eyes glowing, sniffed the hand, and then moved away, strangely uninterested.
Papa laughed. âHe knows, old-timer. Only people like him and meâand you; you, tooâwill ever truly appreciate the horror of that kind of trapped.â
He seemed strange that night; distant. Before we parted, he downed his seventh or eighth beer, looked steadily at me, his eyes seeming to glow as the catâs eyes had glowed.
âI want you to do some things for me, old-timer.â
âSure!â I was on about my fourth beer and feeling fine. I would have done anything for him.
âFirst of all, I want you to stay out of the writing business. Damn rough stuff. Does things to you.â
âNo problem there.â
âAnd I want you to think about becoming a fighter. Youâd be one of the greatest of this centuryâand Iâve seen âem all. Youâre like a big cat on that trapâtoo fast and too strong to be believed. And what are you? Seventeen, eighteen?â
âAlmost twenty,â I lied. I wasnât quite sixteen yet.
He chuckled. âSure, old-timer, sure. And I want you to do one other thing, okay?â
âName it.â
âIf you can, come back to Key West. Take care of it. Too many jerks here now since they built that highway. This place is going to need some taking care of.â
I had looked out across the black water, beyond Kingfish Shoals, toward the Tortugas. âI will, Papa. I mean it. I really will.â
Two or three years later I read that Papa had finally escaped; left his disintegrating cage in his own private way.
So thatâs what I was thinking about when I heard the explosion. A sharp crack and rumble that made the island vibrate. The dopeheads loved it.
Far out!
Itâs the Japs, man, the Japs.
Almost eight-thirty p.m. by my Rolex. There was an odd roaring in my ears. And then I was running; running with a strange alien sob escaping from my lips. Because I knew. I knew without knowing. I ran for my life; the life they had just extinguished.
Sirens. Pulsing blue lights. I saw the remains of our old Chevy; blue splinters and twisted metal. And then Rigaberto was in front of me, trying to hold me back. He was crying; bawling like a child. And then everyone was trying to hold me back. But I had to save them. Had to help them. I was the invincible one, the unbeatable one, and only I could bring them back.
I broke through. And then wished I hadnât.
âTheyâre gone, Dusky . . . Janet, the boys, gone . . . â It was Rigaberto, crying, still trying to turn me away.
âNo . . . â
âI had a hunch . . . was going to watch myself tonight . . . too late, too goddam late . . . waved goodbye at me before she started the car. . . . â
âNo. . . . â
A flower-scented evening in the tropics, and I stared on as if from above; as if soaring among the cold, cold stars and the dark chaos of mindless universe: my loves lay scattered like broken toys. . . .
VI
The cocaine boat lay anchored off Middle Sambo Reef, ghostly in the pale August moonlight. I waited for the pickup vessel to arrive, and watched, too, for any form of law-enforcement surveillance.
There was none.
I had left Key West at midnight in the stocky little Boston Whaler: just over thirteen feet of rugged, take-any-sea boat, powered with a fifty-horsepower Johnson. In a pinch, sheâd do forty. I had powered five miles
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