Read Online Keeping Your Head After Losing Your Job by Robert L. Leahy - Free Book Online
Authors: Robert L. Leahy
Ads: Link
kidding with this nonsense? I have a real problem; I don’t have a job.” Well, it may be true that exercise and doing fun things or seeing people you like might not get you a job, but it might get you out of your doldrums.
After all, you still have to live your life every day. You still have to fill those hours with something.
And, who knows, perhaps if you are in better shape—mentally and physically—you might do better in a job interview. If you are depressed and anxious, and you aren’t enjoying your life, it may make it more difficult for you to take part in the interview well. Your depression and helplessness may make it less likely that you will search as effectively for a new job. Your passivity and isolation may spill over to your job search and trap you even more.
Is there any downside in filling your day with some pleasurable, challenging and meaningful activities? Will anyone be worse off if you are feeling better?
You may also have other thoughts that lead you to negate or discount doing positive things to help yourself feel better. For example, you might have thoughts like “This used to feel better when I had a job.” For example, going for a nice long walk in the countryside or riding a bike might have been more fun when you weren’t feeling down. I would imagine that a lot of the things that you could do for pleasure and effectiveness are not as rewarding as they were when you felt better. Let’s assume this is true. So what? You have to start somewhere . Why not start from where you are and build from this point on? It’s like getting into shape. If you are out of shape, it’s more difficult to exercise. So what would you do? Would you wait until you were in shape and then begin to exercise? Do the hard things now until they become easier .
The fear of negative thoughts can stop you
Another reason that you might think that these rewarding activities will not be as pleasurable is that when you do them you are thinking all kinds of negative thoughts. For example, you might go for a long walk to get some exercise but find yourself dwelling on negative thoughts such as, “It’s pathetic that I am reduced to this—walking around. I used to have a good job.” Or you might be thinking, “I am walking but getting nowhere. It’s the story of my life.” It’s natural when you are feeling down to carry a lot of these negative thoughts around with you. But you have a choice of what to do with them. You can dwell on them or you can challenge them.
It’s not pathetic, for example, to exercise to feel better. It’s adaptive. It’s taking care of yourself. It’s being responsible to yourself. Exercise can increase those chemicals that make you feel better—they’re called endorphins. It’s like taking a pep pill. It’s also good for your health. So what’s maladaptive or pathetic about that?
Your thought that you are getting nowhere is also irrational.
You don’t have to be getting somewhere when you are taking care of yourself. You are doing something right now to make your life better. And, by the way, that is somewhere . IT’S HERE AND NOW!
Negative thoughts diminish the power of positive actions
Keep in mind that when you take notice of these negative thoughts when you are doing positive things, you are taking away the power of your actions. One way of diffusing these thoughts is to imagine them as a funny little character in a clown outfit that is walking a few feet behind you chattering away. It’s like a radio station with static and the words are hard to make out. Perhaps it’s a bit annoying, perhaps it occasionally interferes with enjoying the moment. But you don’t have to have a conversation with a radio station that’s not playing your kind of music. If you can, imagine reaching over, turning down the volume and saying, “I know the chatter is there, but I don’t have to engage in it, I don’t have to dance to that music. I am taking care of myself.”
Keep track
After all, you still have to live your life every day. You still have to fill those hours with something.
And, who knows, perhaps if you are in better shape—mentally and physically—you might do better in a job interview. If you are depressed and anxious, and you aren’t enjoying your life, it may make it more difficult for you to take part in the interview well. Your depression and helplessness may make it less likely that you will search as effectively for a new job. Your passivity and isolation may spill over to your job search and trap you even more.
Is there any downside in filling your day with some pleasurable, challenging and meaningful activities? Will anyone be worse off if you are feeling better?
You may also have other thoughts that lead you to negate or discount doing positive things to help yourself feel better. For example, you might have thoughts like “This used to feel better when I had a job.” For example, going for a nice long walk in the countryside or riding a bike might have been more fun when you weren’t feeling down. I would imagine that a lot of the things that you could do for pleasure and effectiveness are not as rewarding as they were when you felt better. Let’s assume this is true. So what? You have to start somewhere . Why not start from where you are and build from this point on? It’s like getting into shape. If you are out of shape, it’s more difficult to exercise. So what would you do? Would you wait until you were in shape and then begin to exercise? Do the hard things now until they become easier .
The fear of negative thoughts can stop you
Another reason that you might think that these rewarding activities will not be as pleasurable is that when you do them you are thinking all kinds of negative thoughts. For example, you might go for a long walk to get some exercise but find yourself dwelling on negative thoughts such as, “It’s pathetic that I am reduced to this—walking around. I used to have a good job.” Or you might be thinking, “I am walking but getting nowhere. It’s the story of my life.” It’s natural when you are feeling down to carry a lot of these negative thoughts around with you. But you have a choice of what to do with them. You can dwell on them or you can challenge them.
It’s not pathetic, for example, to exercise to feel better. It’s adaptive. It’s taking care of yourself. It’s being responsible to yourself. Exercise can increase those chemicals that make you feel better—they’re called endorphins. It’s like taking a pep pill. It’s also good for your health. So what’s maladaptive or pathetic about that?
Your thought that you are getting nowhere is also irrational.
You don’t have to be getting somewhere when you are taking care of yourself. You are doing something right now to make your life better. And, by the way, that is somewhere . IT’S HERE AND NOW!
Negative thoughts diminish the power of positive actions
Keep in mind that when you take notice of these negative thoughts when you are doing positive things, you are taking away the power of your actions. One way of diffusing these thoughts is to imagine them as a funny little character in a clown outfit that is walking a few feet behind you chattering away. It’s like a radio station with static and the words are hard to make out. Perhaps it’s a bit annoying, perhaps it occasionally interferes with enjoying the moment. But you don’t have to have a conversation with a radio station that’s not playing your kind of music. If you can, imagine reaching over, turning down the volume and saying, “I know the chatter is there, but I don’t have to engage in it, I don’t have to dance to that music. I am taking care of myself.”
Keep track
Similar Books
