dads and daughters. The very thing I hated in my dad took root in me, although I didn’t see it at the time. Feeling totally justified in my anger, I didn’t see any similarities between his anger and mine. I was right. He was wrong. But, in truth, we were both wrong. Neither of us allowed anger to accomplish good in us.
1. Anger Destroys Relationships
“I want a divorce” was the last thing Rob expected to hear after returning home from a three-day Promise Keepers conference. But that evening Rob’s wife, Judy, was unusually quiet. When he asked her why, her anguish poured out.
Judy explained that during the days Rob had been gone, a new sense of peace had settled over their household: “During the past three days, I’ve felt better about myself than I’ve ever felt during our marriage.” Missing were his explosive outbursts of anger—and the anxiety they caused. For Rob, this painful moment of truth cut deeply.
Soon afterward, a marriage counselor identified the “pressure cooker” issue: Rob had a problem with unresolved anger that fueled his frequent rages. His verbal rantings had left Judy feeling wounded and fearful—not only for her own well-being, but for that of their young son, Tyler, as well.
Rob’s reaction? “I got angry at the counselor!”
Several months later, unable to resolve their differences, the couple divorced. But by the grace of God, while Rob’s marriage had ended, his journey of healing had just begun.
Uncontrolled anger is deadly to relationships because it undermines the very conditions necessary to create and maintain trust between people. Couples can ride out the storms of life together so long as trust rides with them, but unbridled anger destroys trust and makes the storms too threatening.
Healthy relationships require freedom from fear. To open our life to another person is, by definition, to make ourself vulnerable. Like a fire victim being asked to jump from a rooftop above a raging inferno, we must be able to trust the one who says he is ready to catch us and break our fall.
If that person periodically lets go and we get hurt, the inevitable fear and uncertainty we feel will rob us of the strength and confidence we need to stay committed through tough times.
Random outbursts of raw anger can be terrifying. They create an environment in which everyone is guarded and ready to either fight or flee. This constant state of alertness saps vital trust, energy, and spontaneity from our lives. And its impact on our relationships? “Ashes to ashes.”
After his divorce—through circumstances only God could orchestrate—Rob met Jack, one of our enthusiastic Hope for the Heart team members. Learning of Jack’s part in our ministry, Rob eagerly related how God had used Hope for the Heart to change his life. Humbled and inspired, Jack invited Rob to come to our weekly staff devotions. There, our team had the privilege of hearing the rest of Rob’s story.
During a sleepless night a few months after his divorce, Rob turned on the radio. Our Hope in the Night radio program was airing, and the topic just happened to be anger. “I’d never heard the topic of anger approached from a biblical perspective. That broadcast was Godsent… no doubt about it.”
Rob listened intently, then ordered our set of audio recordings and Biblical Counseling Keys on anger. With those in hand, he reserved an extended stay in a hotel room for a time of intense reading, listening, and praying. His goal was to grasp God’s principles on how to uproot his past anger and handle his present hostilities. Faithfully, God began to reveal the severity of Rob’s problem.
“It hit me like a ton of bricks: I responded to people—especially my ex-wife—with rage, just erupting like a volcano.” At 2:00 Sunday morning, Rob penned this journal entry: “Just like the eruption of a volcano, the hot lava pours down the mountain, scorching everything in sight. It changes the composition of the rock by its
1. Anger Destroys Relationships
“I want a divorce” was the last thing Rob expected to hear after returning home from a three-day Promise Keepers conference. But that evening Rob’s wife, Judy, was unusually quiet. When he asked her why, her anguish poured out.
Judy explained that during the days Rob had been gone, a new sense of peace had settled over their household: “During the past three days, I’ve felt better about myself than I’ve ever felt during our marriage.” Missing were his explosive outbursts of anger—and the anxiety they caused. For Rob, this painful moment of truth cut deeply.
Soon afterward, a marriage counselor identified the “pressure cooker” issue: Rob had a problem with unresolved anger that fueled his frequent rages. His verbal rantings had left Judy feeling wounded and fearful—not only for her own well-being, but for that of their young son, Tyler, as well.
Rob’s reaction? “I got angry at the counselor!”
Several months later, unable to resolve their differences, the couple divorced. But by the grace of God, while Rob’s marriage had ended, his journey of healing had just begun.
Uncontrolled anger is deadly to relationships because it undermines the very conditions necessary to create and maintain trust between people. Couples can ride out the storms of life together so long as trust rides with them, but unbridled anger destroys trust and makes the storms too threatening.
Healthy relationships require freedom from fear. To open our life to another person is, by definition, to make ourself vulnerable. Like a fire victim being asked to jump from a rooftop above a raging inferno, we must be able to trust the one who says he is ready to catch us and break our fall.
If that person periodically lets go and we get hurt, the inevitable fear and uncertainty we feel will rob us of the strength and confidence we need to stay committed through tough times.
Random outbursts of raw anger can be terrifying. They create an environment in which everyone is guarded and ready to either fight or flee. This constant state of alertness saps vital trust, energy, and spontaneity from our lives. And its impact on our relationships? “Ashes to ashes.”
After his divorce—through circumstances only God could orchestrate—Rob met Jack, one of our enthusiastic Hope for the Heart team members. Learning of Jack’s part in our ministry, Rob eagerly related how God had used Hope for the Heart to change his life. Humbled and inspired, Jack invited Rob to come to our weekly staff devotions. There, our team had the privilege of hearing the rest of Rob’s story.
During a sleepless night a few months after his divorce, Rob turned on the radio. Our Hope in the Night radio program was airing, and the topic just happened to be anger. “I’d never heard the topic of anger approached from a biblical perspective. That broadcast was Godsent… no doubt about it.”
Rob listened intently, then ordered our set of audio recordings and Biblical Counseling Keys on anger. With those in hand, he reserved an extended stay in a hotel room for a time of intense reading, listening, and praying. His goal was to grasp God’s principles on how to uproot his past anger and handle his present hostilities. Faithfully, God began to reveal the severity of Rob’s problem.
“It hit me like a ton of bricks: I responded to people—especially my ex-wife—with rage, just erupting like a volcano.” At 2:00 Sunday morning, Rob penned this journal entry: “Just like the eruption of a volcano, the hot lava pours down the mountain, scorching everything in sight. It changes the composition of the rock by its
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