Read Online Keeping Pace by Dee Carney - Free Book Online

morning reflections, even the banter during meals. I recognized the new us as certainly going through the honeymoon phase of this relationship. That what I’d needed all this time was finally at hand and made me cling to it with a desperate hope for more.
    “Checking out so soon?” Lou asked, snapping my attention back to his presence.
    “Yeah. I have a few things to take care of this evening.” One of these days I would have to get a handle on the way my face heated up. “Did you need something before I left?”
    “No, it’s not that.” His gaze roamed my face, studying me. “I just wanted to check on you and how you’re doing.”
    I tried not to frown. Where was this coming from? “You mean the Beth thing? It’s all good. I wish her well.”
    “How are you doing, though? We used to be friends. I feel like we’re not anymore.” He perched one hip on my desk. For some reason, the way his pocket gaped open during that motion commanded my attention.
    “We’re still friends, Lou. Unless you know something I don’t?”
    “When Patrick was alive, we used to go out a lot. Even after he passed, you and I went out a few times.” His hand crept closer to mine, almost as if he wanted to curl them together.
    I toyed with the idea of mentioning Josh to him but decided it wasn’t fair and also was unnecessary. Lou knew better than most how to play the political game. Once he’d been promoted over me, all bets were off as far as he and I were concerned. If he wanted to go out again, there was nothing wrong with doing so, just as long we both understood it could only be as friends.
    “Of course we can meet for lunch any time you want. Just name the time and place, and I’ll be there.”
    The corner of his mouth lifted in a smile. “Good. I’ll hold you to it.”
    We said our good-byes, the conversation still puzzling me when I got home. I felt like there was more, as if maybe he’d wanted to have a conversation with me but needed an excuse to do it. For his sake, I hoped he wasn’t sick or plagued with equally bad news. No matter what he thought, I did enjoy his company. Maybe I’d distanced myself a little from the people I hung out with when Pat was alive, but he wasn’t alone in that position. I’d have to work harder on being less antisocial.
    I opted to skip my evening glass of wine in lieu of a quick shower. If last week was any indication, Josh would be over within minutes of my arrival.
    I rounded the bend to the stairs, stopping when a familiar sight greeted me at the back door. Two lovely long-stemmed pink roses wrapped in white tissue paper stood propped against the glass.
    “Oh, Josh,” I murmured. If I wasn’t careful, I could awaken one day to find myself developing feelings for him. At this stage in my life, I needed only a lover. I wondered for the first time what Josh hoped for.
     
    Ever since Patrick left me, I’d had the occasional bout with insomnia. I stared at the clock, blinking and praying it really didn’t say it was only a little past midnight. I’d gotten less than two hours of sleep and still had almost the entire night ahead of me. Nights like this were the worst. If I’d gotten up at four or five, at least I made it through the day feeling functional. At this time of the night, I’d probably only doze before being forced to leave for work.
    Josh joined me on the deck almost another hour later. “Bad dream?”
    I made room for him in the deck chair, which wasn’t easy. It obviously wasn’t meant to hold two people, but somehow we made it work. “No—I do this every once in a while.”
    He draped his arms around me, and I leaned back, comfortable as always in his hold. “Talk to me, then.”
    I stifled a yawn. “What do you want to know?”
    “What do you dream about when you do dream?”
    The question surprised me. The answer was easy, but I wasn’t sure if I should say it out loud. “Just the impossible,” I finally said, my voice soft.
    Josh waited for me to