Read Online Kade's Rescue (Detroit Heat Book 1) by Davida Lynn - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Davida Lynn
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about that. I can see that you don’t want to talk about it. Back to the relationship, then.”
“Yeah, back to that. Two weeks, and everything was going really great. We were out to celebrate. We found a nice spot for dinner and we were sitting down to order when our waiter showed up. His name was Marco. I don’t know why, but it triggered me.” Hell, even saying the name was difficult.
The shrink nodded.
“I started to have a panic attack. I tried to keep it together and play it off like it was nothing, but I kept picturing Marco’s coffin. My fingertips started going numb and I had to get out of there. I didn’t say anything to her. I just got up and left. I grabbed a cab home and got my car the next day. It was fucking embarrassing.”
“Kade.” When the doc wanted to make a point he used my first name. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. This sounds like post-traumatic stress disorder.”
I shook my head and turned back to the window. The rain was falling. Of course it was. “I don’t have PTSD. I’m not a combat medic that hit an IED, or whatever.”
“Anyone can have PTSD. Any traumatic event can cause it. This isn’t something that is strictly limited to soldiers. Firefighting is one of the top five most stressful jobs in the world. You know that, right?”
I did know it. HR always loves to bang that statistic into our heads. They would tell us how hard our job was, then tell us that another department was being shut down. Our response area would get bigger while our paychecks would get smaller. The stress was high before we even went on our first call of the day.
I nodded. “Yeah, I know it. I just thought it was something I could handle.”
“I know you thought time would be enough to heal this, but I don’t think that will be enough. Do you think therapy is helping you at all? Would you say we are doing effective work?”
I wanted to laugh. Coming to the shrink was like getting ridiculed for the problems I was already having. It was like standing in front of a crowd while someone explained everything that was wrong with you.
“Effective work? I don’t know what that is. I’m good at taking personal risks. I’m good at walking into burning buildings and working for eighteen hours without a break. I’m not good at answering questions about myself. I can’t answer that question any easier than I can answer, ‘what are you thinking?’ ”
“You make an interesting point. You said you’re good at taking personal risks, right?”
I nodded, unsure of where he was going. That wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, though. I could never follow what the doc was saying.
He smiled and continued. “But you said she asked you out, correct?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, if you wanna twist my words. When I say ‘personal risks,’ I mean jumping out of a second-story window or walking into a building that’s twelve hundred degrees. I can do that without thinking. Asking a beautiful woman out? It’s not even in the same league.”
“I want to switch gears, again. How’s Firefighter Baggio?”
My heart jumped at the mention of Rico. He was lying in a fucking hospital with a shitload of broken bones, that was how he was doing. I could feel my blood pressure rising, almost like there was a pressure building inside my mind. The doc was just doing his job, so I tried to push that feeling away.
I let out a long, slow breath. “He’s hanging in there. Luckily there was nothing life-threatening, but it’s going to be months before he’s ready to go back to work; if he comes back at all. He’ll have physical therapy to get him walking right, and then they’ll know if he can do his job.”
“Do you feel responsible?”
“Do I feel responsible? Doc, are you trying to piss me off today?”
He shook his head, but his smile betrayed him. “I’m just trying to get a sense of you, Kade. You’ve had a hard few months, and this relationship with Layne
“Yeah, back to that. Two weeks, and everything was going really great. We were out to celebrate. We found a nice spot for dinner and we were sitting down to order when our waiter showed up. His name was Marco. I don’t know why, but it triggered me.” Hell, even saying the name was difficult.
The shrink nodded.
“I started to have a panic attack. I tried to keep it together and play it off like it was nothing, but I kept picturing Marco’s coffin. My fingertips started going numb and I had to get out of there. I didn’t say anything to her. I just got up and left. I grabbed a cab home and got my car the next day. It was fucking embarrassing.”
“Kade.” When the doc wanted to make a point he used my first name. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. This sounds like post-traumatic stress disorder.”
I shook my head and turned back to the window. The rain was falling. Of course it was. “I don’t have PTSD. I’m not a combat medic that hit an IED, or whatever.”
“Anyone can have PTSD. Any traumatic event can cause it. This isn’t something that is strictly limited to soldiers. Firefighting is one of the top five most stressful jobs in the world. You know that, right?”
I did know it. HR always loves to bang that statistic into our heads. They would tell us how hard our job was, then tell us that another department was being shut down. Our response area would get bigger while our paychecks would get smaller. The stress was high before we even went on our first call of the day.
I nodded. “Yeah, I know it. I just thought it was something I could handle.”
“I know you thought time would be enough to heal this, but I don’t think that will be enough. Do you think therapy is helping you at all? Would you say we are doing effective work?”
I wanted to laugh. Coming to the shrink was like getting ridiculed for the problems I was already having. It was like standing in front of a crowd while someone explained everything that was wrong with you.
“Effective work? I don’t know what that is. I’m good at taking personal risks. I’m good at walking into burning buildings and working for eighteen hours without a break. I’m not good at answering questions about myself. I can’t answer that question any easier than I can answer, ‘what are you thinking?’ ”
“You make an interesting point. You said you’re good at taking personal risks, right?”
I nodded, unsure of where he was going. That wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, though. I could never follow what the doc was saying.
He smiled and continued. “But you said she asked you out, correct?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, if you wanna twist my words. When I say ‘personal risks,’ I mean jumping out of a second-story window or walking into a building that’s twelve hundred degrees. I can do that without thinking. Asking a beautiful woman out? It’s not even in the same league.”
“I want to switch gears, again. How’s Firefighter Baggio?”
My heart jumped at the mention of Rico. He was lying in a fucking hospital with a shitload of broken bones, that was how he was doing. I could feel my blood pressure rising, almost like there was a pressure building inside my mind. The doc was just doing his job, so I tried to push that feeling away.
I let out a long, slow breath. “He’s hanging in there. Luckily there was nothing life-threatening, but it’s going to be months before he’s ready to go back to work; if he comes back at all. He’ll have physical therapy to get him walking right, and then they’ll know if he can do his job.”
“Do you feel responsible?”
“Do I feel responsible? Doc, are you trying to piss me off today?”
He shook his head, but his smile betrayed him. “I’m just trying to get a sense of you, Kade. You’ve had a hard few months, and this relationship with Layne
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