Read Online Journey to the Centre of Myself by Andie M. Long - Free Book Online

back of his neck. ‘Jesus, Amber, you flit from one thing to another.’
    ‘But you used to like that—my impulsiveness.’
    Will is quiet for a moment. ‘I’ll always like that about you. It’s part of what makes you-you, but you can’t be like that all the time. We need to be able to make decisions together about our future and act on them.’
    ‘I know.’
    ‘Look, I’d love to give you some time, Amber, but this is something I really want for us now.’
    ‘I know you do.’
    ‘Good.’
    He has nothing further to say so I go up to bed. I watch The Biggest Loser and feel like the biggest one is the one watching it.
     
    Thursday, the office is pretty busy and there’s not much time for chatting. As the day is bright, full of winter sunshine, I decide to have lunch at the restaurant across the street. Sue’s Pantry is a small quaint restaurant that also serves the local hospital. It backs onto a park, so it’s always busy. There are no seats so I get a tea and sausage roll to go. Wrapped up, I head into the park to think. My thoughts flitter from have a kid, it’ll all be fine, to, no, I need to ask for another year. How am I supposed to decide? Shouldn’t I know?
    I take a carrier bag from my pocket and place it on the grass. The cold seeps through my bottom as I sit there. I take a bite of my sausage roll, the warmth welcome against my cold lips. The pastry flakes off, some of it missing my mouth and I watch as it falls amongst the blades of grass. I wonder if I’ve provided dinner for some insects. See, I must have a mothering instinct after all. I run my fingers through the grass and rip up a couple of handfuls. I throw it in the air, creating a whirlwind on the breeze and brush my hand across the stubbly land where the grass used to be, destroyed in an instant by my actions. Why did I do that? Oh well, it’ll grow back.
    Lunch eaten, and no further on with a decision, I head out of the park. I’m just through the gates when I decide I’ll toss a coin. Heads I’ll have a baby, tails I’ll wait another year. Fate can decide. I get a pound coin and throw it skywards. However, I fail to catch it and it rolls out of my reach, stopping beside a trousered leg.
    ‘That rich you can throw money away, huh?’
    I glance up. It’s him. Oh my God, what’s he doing here?
    He picks up the coin.
    I move towards him and try to peek at it. ‘Can you tell me what side it landed on?’
    He gives me the smile that makes his eyes crinkle. ‘You’re a strange woman. Tails it is.’
    I smile back, relieved at fate’s answer. He holds up the coin. I will his hand to touch mine, but it doesn’t, he drops the coin in my palm.
    ‘So,’ I say.
    ‘So,’ he replies.
    ‘Well it was nice to see you again, I must get back. I’ve already been in trouble with a late card this week.’
    ‘Hmm, I bet you’re a whole heap of trouble.’
    I begin to walk away from him and then I turn back. ‘Can I say one thing? You didn’t reply, but it was my colleague who sent you that last text, okay?’
    He looks bemused. ‘No worries.’
    ‘It surprised me, though, that you didn’t reply.’
    ‘You forget our conversation, Amber,’ he says walking back towards me. ‘Although if I recall, there wasn’t much talking that night.’
    I redden. ‘I’m a-afraid I can’t remember much.’
    ‘Well let me remind you. You said you were married and it was a mistake. Then you hurried to get a taxi though you hesitated long enough to give me your number, “in case of emergencies.”’ He chuckles. ‘I told you I was interested, but I’d need a clear green signal from you.’ He bends down and whispers in my ear. ‘You only have to make the call.’ As he whispers, his soft breath tickles my ear at the same time a small gust of wind hits the back of my neck. I tremble and goose bumps run up my arms.
    ‘Take care, Amber.’ He bows towards me, pretends to doff his cap and walks away.
     
    I text Will, saying I will bring dinner