Read Online Jeeves and the Feudal Spirit by P.G. Wodehouse - Free Book Online

question of
bringing an action for slander and defamation of character against this uncle
of yours, and shall probably decide to let justice be tempered with mercy. But
it would be a kindly act to warn the old son of a bachelor to be more careful
in future how he allows his tongue to run away with him. There are limits to
one’s forbearance.’
    He
brooded darkly for about forty-five seconds.
    ‘Platinum
hair, the policeman said,’ he observed at the end of this lull. ‘This girl had
platinum hair.’
    ‘No
doubt very becoming.’
    ‘I find
it extremely significant that Florence has platinum hair.’
    ‘I
don’t see why. Hundreds of girls have. My dear Stilton, ask yourself if it is
likely that Florence would have been at a night club like the… what did you
say the name was?’
    ‘I
didn’t. But I believe it was called The Mottled Oyster.’
    ‘Ah,
yes, I have heard of it. Not a very nice place, I understand. Quite incredible
that she would have gone to a joint like that. A fastidious, intellectual girl
like Florence? No, no.’
    He
pondered. It seemed to me that I had him going.
    ‘She
wanted me to take her to a night club last night,’ he said. ‘Something to do
with getting material for her new book.’
    ‘But
you very properly refused?’
    ‘No, as
a matter of fact, I said I would. Then we had that bit of trouble, so of course
it was off.’
    ‘And
she, of course, went home to bed. What else would any pure, sweet English girl
have done? It amazes me that you can suppose even for a moment that she would
have gone to one of these dubious establishments without you. Especially a
place where, as I understand your story, squads of policemen are incessantly
chasing platinum-haired girls hither and thither, and probably even worse
things happening as the long night wears on. No, Stilton, dismiss these
thoughts — which, if you will allow me to say so, are unworthy of you — and …
Ah, here is Jeeves,’ I said, noting with relief that the sterling fellow, who
had just oozed in, was carrying the old familiar shaker. ‘What have you there,
Jeeves? Some of your specials?’
    ‘Yes,
sir. I fancied that Mr. Cheesewright might possibly be glad of refreshment.’
    ‘He’s
just in the vein for it. I won’t join you, Stilton, because, as you know, with
this Darts tournament coming on, I am in more or less strict training these
days, but I must insist on your trying one of these superb mixtures of
Jeeves’s. You have been anxious… worried … disturbed… and it will pull
you together. Oh, by the way, Jeeves.’
    ‘Sir?’
    ‘I
wonder if you remember, when I came home last night after chatting with Mr.
Cheesewright at the Drones, my saying to you that I was going straight to bed
with an improving book?’
    ‘Certainly,
sir.’
    ‘ The
Mystery of the Pink Crayfish, was it not?’
    ‘Precisely,
sir.’
    ‘I
think I said something to the effect that I could hardly wait till I could get
at it?’
    ‘As I
recollect, those were your exact words, sir. You were, you said, counting the
minutes until you could curl up with the volume in question.
    ‘Thank
you, Jeeves.’
    ‘Not at
all, sir.’
    He
oozed off, and I turned to Stilton, throwing the arms out in a sort of wide
gesture. I don’t suppose I have ever come closer in my life to saying ‘Voilà’!
    ‘You
heard?’ I said. ‘If that doesn’t leave me without a stain on my character, it
is difficult to see what it does leave me without. But let me help you to your
special. You will find it rare and refreshing.’
    It’s a
curious thing about those specials of Jeeves’s, and one on which many revellers
have commented, that while, as I mentioned earlier, they wake the sleeping
tiger in you, they also work the other way round. I mean, if the tiger in you
isn’t sleeping but on the contrary up and doing with a heart for any fate, they
lull it. You come in like a lion, you take your snootful, and you go out like a
lamb. Impossible to explain it, of