Read Online Jane Goes Batty by Michael Thomas Ford - Free Book Online Page A

balance.
    “Jane, this is my mother,” Walter said. “Mother, this is Jane.”
    “I can see that,” Miriam said. She extended her hand. “Who else would she be?” she asked.
    “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Fletcher,” Jane said as she shook Miriam’s hand.
    Miriam drew back her hand. “Ellenberg,” she said. “
Ms
. Ellenberg.” She looked at her son. “You didn’t tell her? You should have told her.”
    Jane, realizing her mistake, instinctively moved to protect Walter. “Oh, he did tell me,” she said. “I’m so sorry. It’s not Walter’s fault. I’ve been so looking forward to meeting you that it completely slipped my mind that you and Walter’s father—”
    Miriam shook her head. “All the trouble I went through to divorce that man, the least I could get was my name back. How is that little
shiksa
he married?” she asked Walter. She glanced at Jane as she said it, and Jane couldn’t help but see that the barb was aimed partially at her.
    “Bethany is fine, Mom,” said Walter.
    “That’s too bad,” Miriam remarked.
    Jane decided to change the subject. “What a handsome little dog,” she said. “What’s his name?”
    “
Her
name is Lilith,” said Miriam.
    Hearing her name, Lilith perked up her ears and looked up at Miriam. “I found her in Jerusalem,” Miriam continued. “She was wandering around the streets.”
    “What were you doing in Jerusalem?” Jane asked.
    “Hunting,” Miriam replied. “For antiques,” she added.
    “Mother has traveled all over the world,” Walter told Jane.
    “I still do,” Miriam said. “I’m not quite dead.”
    “Of course not,” said Walter. “Mother travels all over the world,” he said to Jane.
    “Walter’s father hated traveling,” Miriam said. “It’s one of the reasons I divorced him. That and the fact that he was a lazy, no-good son of a bitch.”
    “I’ll just go get us some drinks,” said Walter.
    “I’ll help,” Jane told him.
    “No,” Miriam said. “You sit. We’ll talk.”
    Jane looked at Walter, who nodded. Jane sat down in an armchair beside the couch and smiled at Miriam. “I’m so pleased you’re here,” she said.
    “Bullshit,” Miriam said. “You’re terrified of me. You’re afraid I won’t think you’re good enough for my son. And I don’t. But nobody is, so don’t worry too much. Walter tells me you’re converting.”
    Jane cleared her throat. “Well, I have been talking to a rabbi,” she said.
    Miriam snorted. “Talking to a rabbi,” she said. “It takes more than that to be a Jew. Being a Jew comes from here.” She tapped her chest over her heart.
    “Ms. Ellenberg,” Jane said, “I care very much for your son, as I see you do as well. I would like us to be friends. However—”
    “Don’t however me,” Miriam said. “And let me make one thing perfectly clear. You will never marry my son.”
    Jane stiffened. “And why is that?” she asked, trying to keep her tone civil.
    Miriam leaned closer, until Jane thought she might jump off the couch and leap into her lap. “Because,” said Walter’s mother, “I know what you are.”

“I DON’T KNOW
WHAT
SHE MEANT ,” J ANE TOLD L UCY .
    They were in the living room of Lucy’s apartment. Jane had gone there after excusing herself from the evening with Walter’s mother as early as she could without appearing rude. It had been a tense couple of hours, although Walter hadn’t seemed to notice that anything was wrong. Even Miriam had behaved perfectly normally, complimenting Walter on the roast chicken and asking Jane the usual sorts of questions two people ask upon meeting for the first time.
    “Maybe I imagined it,” Jane suggested.
    “Why didn’t you just ask her?” said Lucy, handing Jane a glass of merlot.
    “I was startled,” said Jane. “And Walter came in just at that moment. I could hardly say anything with him there.”
    Lucy sat down on the couch. “It’s the sort of thing you say to someone you think is