Read Online Jane Goes Batty by Michael Thomas Ford - Free Book Online

accumulation of them.”
    “And yet now you want to convert to Judaism,” said Ben. “That’s an interesting decision for someone who isn’t sure she believes in God.”
    I might as well tell him the truth
, Jane thought. “My boyfriend’s mother wants me to be Jewish,” she said, her cheeks reddening at the word
boyfriend
. It sounded so juvenile.
    “I see,” said Ben. “Well, you wouldn’t be the first person to convert for that reason.”
    “It’s all rather silly,” Jane said. “Walter wasn’t even really raised Jewish. His father and stepmother were Episcopalian. But his mother is Jewish, and that makes
him
Jewish.”
    “I’ve heard that,” said Ben.
    Jane put her hand to her forehead. “Of course you have,” she said. “I’m sorry. It’s just that it’s all a bit much to handle right now on top of everything else.”
    “Everything else?” said Ben.
    “The new book, my new editor, the film, Beverly Shrop.” Jane looked up. “You don’t need to hear all this.”
    “It
is
what I do,” said Ben.
    “Yes, but it’s not why I’m here,” Jane replied, composing herself. “Although I imagine you’re going to tell me that I’m a poor candidate for conversion, so I might as well go.”
    “Why would I say that?” Ben asked.
    Jane wrinkled her brow. “Well, I can’t say with any amount of honesty that I’m terribly sincere about it,” she said.
    “Not now,” Ben said. “But maybe we should talk some more. It doesn’t even have to be about conversion.”
    Jane, taking his meaning, asked, “You mean like therapy?”
    “Yes,” Ben said. “Like therapy.”
    Jane found herself laughing. “I don’t think that will be necessary,” she said.
    “It’s up to you, of course,” said the rabbi. “But if you ask me—which you didn’t, but I’m going to pretend you did—you’re dealing with a lot of issues. It might help to talk about them.”
    Jane considered this for a moment. Ben was watching her.
But he’s not judging
, she thought, looking into his eyes. “Perhaps you’re right,” she heard herself say.
    “You have my number,” said Ben, standing up. “I hope you’ll use it.”
    Jane stood too, gathering up her purse and preparing to leave.
    “Have you met the mother?” Ben inquired.
    “This afternoon,” said Jane. “Walter is picking her up as we speak.”
    “May I give you some advice?”
    Jane nodded. “By all means.”
    “There’s one key thing for you to remember when dealing with a Jewish mother.”
    “Which is?” asked Jane.
    “They’re always right,” said Ben. “Always.”
    “But that hardly seems—”
    “
Always,
” Ben repeated. “Trust me. I’ve had one for thirty-four years.”
    “I’ll keep it in mind,” Jane assured him.
    Twenty minutes later she pulled up outside Walter’s house. His car was in the driveway.
So you’ve arrived
, Jane thought as she checked her hair in the rearview mirror. She applied some lipstick, sighed deeply, and got out of the car.
    Walter answered the door even before she’d rung the bell. “You’re here!” he said, a little too loudly. He leaned in and gave Jane a peck on the cheek. “She’s already making me crazy,” he whispered.
    “Is that the girl?”
    Walter stepped aside, revealing a small, thin woman perched on the couch. Her hair, which was black with only hints of gray, lay flat against her head like a swim cap. Her blue eyes focused inon Jane like a bird of prey sizing up a rodent far below, and the look on her face told Jane that she had yet to make up her mind about her son’s choice of girlfriend.
    She was dressed in white slacks and a billowy black blouse patterned with yellow and red flowers. Numerous rings covered her fingers, and beside her on the couch sat a small brown Chihuahua with enormous ears that stuck up like a bat’s. Something about the dog didn’t seem quite right, and then Jane realized that it was missing its right front leg and was leaning against Miriam for