Read Online J'adore New York by Isabelle Lafleche - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Isabelle Lafleche
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seeing him on a daily basis.
Now that Antoine and I have connected on a personal level, it’s time to knock his socks off legally. I turn to my new plain-English project, which is actually much more interesting than it sounds. I’m all for getting rid of as much legal gobbledygook as possible, and I love the challenge of rewording legalese into plain English. I begin with a disclaimer located on the inside of the cover page:
NO PERSON HAS BEEN AUTHORIZED TO GIVE ANY INFORMATION OR MAKE ANY REPRESENTATION OTHER THAN THOSE CONTAINED OR INCORPORATED BY REFERENCE IN THIS PROSPECTUS, AND, IF GIVEN OR MADE, SUCH INFORMATION MUST NOT BE RELIED UPON AS HAVING BEEN AUTHORIZED .
Hmm, this is what I’d like to write:
Don’t read anything other than this document. If you do, you obviously have way too much time on your hands.
But my professional self jots this down instead:
PLEASE RELY EXCLUSIVELY ON THE CONTENTS OF THIS PROSPECTUS. NO OTHER DOCUMENT HAS BEEN AUTHORIZED BY THE COMPANY .
I then turn to the “Use of Proceeds” section, which highlights what the company will do with the money it raises in the proposed offering.
WE INTEND TO USE THE NET PROCEEDS FROM THIS OFFERING FOR GENERAL CORPORATE PURPOSES, INCLUDING DEVELOPING OUR INFRASTRUCTURE, PRODUCTS, AND SERVICES, ALL OF WHICH WE HAVE YET TO IDENTIFY.
My own plain-English version:
We do not yet offer any products or services of any value nor have we decided what to do with your hard-earned money. Basically, if you invest in our company, you’re the living pro of that there’s a sucker born every minute.
Legally correct plain-English version:
WE ARE IN THE PROCESS OF IDENTIFYING AND DETERMINING WITH CERTAINTY THE INTENDED USE OF THE MONEY RAISED THROUGH THIS OFFERING.
I move on to the “Risk Factors,” a list advising prospective buyers about the potential risks associated with purchasing this company’s stock. This one catches my attention:
WE MAY NOT EFFECTIVELY MANAGE OUR LONG-TERM OBJECTIVES; OUR MANAGEMENT TEAM HAS BEEN HERETOFORE INEXPERIENCED IN THE MANAGEMENT OF A LARGE PUBLICLY TRADED COMPANY.
My plain-English version:
We have absolutely no freaking clue what we’re doing. Do you?
Correct plain-English translation:
MANAGEMENT MAY REQUIRE ASSISTANCE IN MANAGING THE CORPORATION.
I make my way cautiously but quickly through the entire fifty page prospectus. Satisfied with my work, I hit send and then move on to my favourite file: the battle against counterfeit goods.
As requested by Antoine, I go through the memo prepared by Dior’s intellectual property director, M. Le Furet, which outlines the adverse impact counterfeiting has had on its U.S. business and then start drafting a detailed summary of the PRO-IP Act. Finally, I go to Harper’s Bazaar fakesareneverinfashion.com website and am reading helpful tips for how to spot a fake bag when Rikash buzzes through on the intercom.
“Sorry to interrupt the shopping, but I have Mel on the line.”
“I’m not shopping. I’m actually doing research. Put him through.”
“Good morning. How’s my sweetie doing?”
“Great, thanks.” I mentally prepare for his advances.
“I have an urgent question about our Paris office.”
“Yes?”
“We’re in the process of hiring a managing director over there and need some assistance with his registration application with the European securities regulator.”
“No problem. I’ve completed hundreds of those forms.”
“Perfect, I knew my favourite little lawyer would take care of this.”
I bite my tongue after he uses the adjective little. Could he be more condescending?
“I’m emailing you a questionnaire right now. Can you ask the director to complete it and send it to me for review?”
He pauses, something I realize I’ve never heard him do. “What kind of questions do they ask?”
“The usual questions about integrity; whether they’ve committed fraud or have been convicted of any financial crime.”
There’s a long second
Now that Antoine and I have connected on a personal level, it’s time to knock his socks off legally. I turn to my new plain-English project, which is actually much more interesting than it sounds. I’m all for getting rid of as much legal gobbledygook as possible, and I love the challenge of rewording legalese into plain English. I begin with a disclaimer located on the inside of the cover page:
NO PERSON HAS BEEN AUTHORIZED TO GIVE ANY INFORMATION OR MAKE ANY REPRESENTATION OTHER THAN THOSE CONTAINED OR INCORPORATED BY REFERENCE IN THIS PROSPECTUS, AND, IF GIVEN OR MADE, SUCH INFORMATION MUST NOT BE RELIED UPON AS HAVING BEEN AUTHORIZED .
Hmm, this is what I’d like to write:
Don’t read anything other than this document. If you do, you obviously have way too much time on your hands.
But my professional self jots this down instead:
PLEASE RELY EXCLUSIVELY ON THE CONTENTS OF THIS PROSPECTUS. NO OTHER DOCUMENT HAS BEEN AUTHORIZED BY THE COMPANY .
I then turn to the “Use of Proceeds” section, which highlights what the company will do with the money it raises in the proposed offering.
WE INTEND TO USE THE NET PROCEEDS FROM THIS OFFERING FOR GENERAL CORPORATE PURPOSES, INCLUDING DEVELOPING OUR INFRASTRUCTURE, PRODUCTS, AND SERVICES, ALL OF WHICH WE HAVE YET TO IDENTIFY.
My own plain-English version:
We do not yet offer any products or services of any value nor have we decided what to do with your hard-earned money. Basically, if you invest in our company, you’re the living pro of that there’s a sucker born every minute.
Legally correct plain-English version:
WE ARE IN THE PROCESS OF IDENTIFYING AND DETERMINING WITH CERTAINTY THE INTENDED USE OF THE MONEY RAISED THROUGH THIS OFFERING.
I move on to the “Risk Factors,” a list advising prospective buyers about the potential risks associated with purchasing this company’s stock. This one catches my attention:
WE MAY NOT EFFECTIVELY MANAGE OUR LONG-TERM OBJECTIVES; OUR MANAGEMENT TEAM HAS BEEN HERETOFORE INEXPERIENCED IN THE MANAGEMENT OF A LARGE PUBLICLY TRADED COMPANY.
My plain-English version:
We have absolutely no freaking clue what we’re doing. Do you?
Correct plain-English translation:
MANAGEMENT MAY REQUIRE ASSISTANCE IN MANAGING THE CORPORATION.
I make my way cautiously but quickly through the entire fifty page prospectus. Satisfied with my work, I hit send and then move on to my favourite file: the battle against counterfeit goods.
As requested by Antoine, I go through the memo prepared by Dior’s intellectual property director, M. Le Furet, which outlines the adverse impact counterfeiting has had on its U.S. business and then start drafting a detailed summary of the PRO-IP Act. Finally, I go to Harper’s Bazaar fakesareneverinfashion.com website and am reading helpful tips for how to spot a fake bag when Rikash buzzes through on the intercom.
“Sorry to interrupt the shopping, but I have Mel on the line.”
“I’m not shopping. I’m actually doing research. Put him through.”
“Good morning. How’s my sweetie doing?”
“Great, thanks.” I mentally prepare for his advances.
“I have an urgent question about our Paris office.”
“Yes?”
“We’re in the process of hiring a managing director over there and need some assistance with his registration application with the European securities regulator.”
“No problem. I’ve completed hundreds of those forms.”
“Perfect, I knew my favourite little lawyer would take care of this.”
I bite my tongue after he uses the adjective little. Could he be more condescending?
“I’m emailing you a questionnaire right now. Can you ask the director to complete it and send it to me for review?”
He pauses, something I realize I’ve never heard him do. “What kind of questions do they ask?”
“The usual questions about integrity; whether they’ve committed fraud or have been convicted of any financial crime.”
There’s a long second
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