Read Online Jack with a Twist by Brenda Janowitz - Free Book Online
Authors: Brenda Janowitz
Ads: Link
other, from their receding hairlines to their pastel Loro Piana cable sweaters to their black Gucci loafers, so I really can’t be held responsible for remembering who’s who. Now, I know what you’re thinking—why didn’t I simply study some pictures before I came here? See, that’s the thing. I did study pictures of all of the siblings, or siblings-in-law, as the case may be, but all Jack really had were the various wedding photos of each couple. The eldest, Patricia, is now forty-five years old and got married seventeen years ago, so you can only imagine how different her husband looks now. The middle sister, Elizabeth ( not Liz, mind you, it’s Elizabeth), is forty-two years old, and got married ten years ago. Lisa, the youngest at thirty-nine, got married three years ago, but by that time, all of the guys were already beginning to morph into each other. Lisa’s husband did have more hair on his wedding day, but by now, he just looks like the other two. Apparently, being married to a Solomon sister makes all of your hair…well, you know where I’m going with this one. Don’t make me say it.
And don’t think that I could identify them by their various married names. As I was informed by Jack’s mother one night during dinner at Park Avenue Café, the Solomon sisters do not change their names.
I did manage to work out a positively brilliant system for identifying them, though: I numbered them according to the birth order of the sister they were married to and then memorized what color sweater they were each wearing. So: brother-in-law #1—Adam, in the pale yellow Loro Piana, belongs with Patricia, Jack’s eldest sister; brother-in-law #2—Alan, in the light pink Loro Piana, belongs with Elizabeth, the middle sis; and brother-in-law #3—Aaron, in the baby blue Loro Piana, goes with Lisa, the youngest.
“So, have you two given any thought to a wedding date?” brother-in-law #1 asks. He’s Adam, and he goes with Patricia. It makes sense that Adam is #1 since Adam and Eve were the first man and woman. See how well my system works? Although, he looks closer to his late thirties than his mid-forties. Was it that #1 goes with the youngest sister and #3 goes with the eldest? Now that I think about it, maybe Aaron was supposed to be #1 since Hank Aaron holds the all-time Major League Baseball record for home runs. (And I know you’re thinking that Barry Bonds is now #1 in terms of home runs, but Jack says that for real baseball fans, that doesn’t count.)
This would be so much easier with name tags. Or if the proper brother-in-law was seated next to the appropriate sister. The Solomons do this strange table seating thing where you don’t actually sit with the person you came with. Jack and I are the only couple seated next to each other, and that’s just because this dinner is meant to celebrate our engagement. Everyone else is scattered about, with no regard whatsoever as to who goes with who. Jack’s mother said something about us all talking to each other and not to the same person we talk to every day, or some such nonsense like that.
“Mimi and I were just discussing the wedding date before we sat down to dinner,” my father says. Yes, my mother’s name is Miriam, but my father calls her Mimi. How embarrassing.
“Edward’s docket generally is lightest in winter,” Jack’s mother says.
“Jack and I were thinking spring,” I say, looking at Jack and squeezing his leg under the table. “Maybe April?”
“Lots of new appeals in spring,” Patricia says, “not the best time of year for a wedding in this family. Adam and I got married in February.” I wait for Patricia to look to her husband as she mentions him, thus putting my system back on track, but she doesn’t.
“That sounds beautiful,” my mother says, ever the people pleaser, “but since so much of my family will be flying in from Miami for the wedding, we really can’t take the risk that there’d be snow and they won’t be
And don’t think that I could identify them by their various married names. As I was informed by Jack’s mother one night during dinner at Park Avenue Café, the Solomon sisters do not change their names.
I did manage to work out a positively brilliant system for identifying them, though: I numbered them according to the birth order of the sister they were married to and then memorized what color sweater they were each wearing. So: brother-in-law #1—Adam, in the pale yellow Loro Piana, belongs with Patricia, Jack’s eldest sister; brother-in-law #2—Alan, in the light pink Loro Piana, belongs with Elizabeth, the middle sis; and brother-in-law #3—Aaron, in the baby blue Loro Piana, goes with Lisa, the youngest.
“So, have you two given any thought to a wedding date?” brother-in-law #1 asks. He’s Adam, and he goes with Patricia. It makes sense that Adam is #1 since Adam and Eve were the first man and woman. See how well my system works? Although, he looks closer to his late thirties than his mid-forties. Was it that #1 goes with the youngest sister and #3 goes with the eldest? Now that I think about it, maybe Aaron was supposed to be #1 since Hank Aaron holds the all-time Major League Baseball record for home runs. (And I know you’re thinking that Barry Bonds is now #1 in terms of home runs, but Jack says that for real baseball fans, that doesn’t count.)
This would be so much easier with name tags. Or if the proper brother-in-law was seated next to the appropriate sister. The Solomons do this strange table seating thing where you don’t actually sit with the person you came with. Jack and I are the only couple seated next to each other, and that’s just because this dinner is meant to celebrate our engagement. Everyone else is scattered about, with no regard whatsoever as to who goes with who. Jack’s mother said something about us all talking to each other and not to the same person we talk to every day, or some such nonsense like that.
“Mimi and I were just discussing the wedding date before we sat down to dinner,” my father says. Yes, my mother’s name is Miriam, but my father calls her Mimi. How embarrassing.
“Edward’s docket generally is lightest in winter,” Jack’s mother says.
“Jack and I were thinking spring,” I say, looking at Jack and squeezing his leg under the table. “Maybe April?”
“Lots of new appeals in spring,” Patricia says, “not the best time of year for a wedding in this family. Adam and I got married in February.” I wait for Patricia to look to her husband as she mentions him, thus putting my system back on track, but she doesn’t.
“That sounds beautiful,” my mother says, ever the people pleaser, “but since so much of my family will be flying in from Miami for the wedding, we really can’t take the risk that there’d be snow and they won’t be
Similar Books
