Read Online Is This What I Want? by Patricia Mann - Free Book Online Page A

from me.”
    She knew I meant it. I found his address back when I discovered all their messages to each other.
    She was so upset, I pulled her into my arms and smoothed her hair while she cried.
    “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to see him again, I swear.”
    “I know, I know, it’s okay,” I whispered into her ear.
    I reached one arm out to grab a tissue for her and as I wiped the wet spots on her cheeks, I couldn’t help but think about how beautiful she was. Even with red eyes and no makeup, her curly hair all tousled, she was perfect to me. In my peripheral vision I saw the still bunched up tank top revealing her stomach. The fact that she was so oblivious to some things had grown on me over the years. It used to drive me crazy that she didn’t pay attention to details the way I did. But she was my Beth, smart, intense, funny, wild, and unpredictable, and I loved her and wanted her more than ever, flaws and all.
    I placed a soft kiss on her lips. It always turned me on when she was crying and vulnerable.
    “Rick,” she said, and with that one word I knew what she meant. I’m not in the mood. I’m so emotional. How can you think of that at a time like this? But hell, I’m a man, what does she expect?
    I tried again, this time kissing her neck and the top of her chest a little. She blew her nose and laughed.
    “Look at me,” she said, wiping little bits of tissue fuzz off the tip of her nose with her index finger. “How could you possibly be interested when I look like this?”
    “You always look good to me.” I slid my hand into her top, inviting her nipple to wake up.
    She pushed my hand away and I pouted.
    “Okay, okay,” she said. “It would probably make me feel better too, but we need to finish talking first.”
    “Fine. We’ll finish talking first,” I said as I readjusted my uncomfortable erection.
    “You were going to ask me about something else. You didn’t know about Dave. You couldn’t have known. I just assumed that’s what it was.”
    “Oh, yeah, um…” Somehow I completely forgot how I was supposed to say it.
    “Well, tonight, when I was having dinner with the kids, Sam told me about how you all went swimming over at his friend Henry’s house a couple of weeks ago.”
    She understood right away and nodded slowly, looking up and away from me. I waited.
    “I was going to tell you. I was trying to figure out how and when. You know?”
    “But it was two weeks ago. I’m not accusing you of anything. And I’m not mad. It’s just… we can’t have secrets because I get all suspicious and scary thoughts run through my head.”
    “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Rick. I should have told you right away.”
    I felt bad for making her feel bad.
    “It’s okay, I figured you just went because the kids wanted to go and you couldn’t avoid it, but in our sessions with Carly, we all agreed it’s not good for you to be friends with her.”
    “I know. I know. I didn’t want to go. And I haven’t even talked to her since that day.”
    That was a relief to hear. I had pictured Jill and Beth chatting and giggling about their affairs and it took all my strength to stop myself from checking the recent calls on her cell phone as soon as she got home from class.
    “But Rick, I have to tell you, she’s, well, she’s different now. She doesn’t cheat on her husband anymore. She got caught and well, they have total honesty now.”
    “Really?” I found it a little hard to believe, and there seemed to be something Beth wasn’t saying about the situation.
    “Why did you say ‘total honesty’ that way, so long and drawn out, like there’s something strange about their honesty?”
    Her face started to turn red and she covered her mouth, her eyes lighting up with what looked like excitement.
    “Oh my God, Rick. They’re swingers now.”
    It took a couple of seconds to process what she was saying and then it made perfect sense. Beth had told me all about how Jill didn’t have