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pregnancy now.
    Jessica is full of regret.
    "I'll tell her that it's the truth, and that she should be relieved instead. This is going to help her more than hurt her," I say to Quin, rushing, trying to get his face out of my mind.
    "Do it right now."
    "Right now?"
    "From here." He is speaking slowly, like he's taunting me.
    I close my eyes and do that thing where I imagine taking Jessica's song, and cradling it, and whispering to it. I tell her to think of her baby first, and that it's more important to think of caring for it than hiding a secret.
    I tell her to be honest with her mother.
    I tell her to sleep well that night.
    And that I'll talk to her in school and she should wait for me.
    "Are you happy now?" I nearly scream at him.  
     
    The sound came out like a hiccup, and Robbie pulled back. "Are you okay?"
    I couldn't help it. I blinked, and looked at where Quin would have been/had been/was probably still sitting.  
    "I'm fine," I said, lying to my boyfriend.
     

Chapter 18
     
    These are not my feet, again. Oh well.
    These feet that are not mine, they are taking slow and gentle steps up a staircase made of stone. It's cold, not just because of the stone, but because of the water bubbling up and swirling from every crack and gap. My feet are submerged to my ankles.
    I look out and all I see is water. I look up and all I see is this stone structure.
    I follow the steps. I touch my hair. It is short this time, close to my head. This goddess probably looks amazing with it anyway.
    I am trying not to be bitter jealous.
    At the top of staircase is nothing—and then, falling.
    It's a slow fall, too slow to be anything gravity is helping along with. It ends when I drop into a pool, up to my waist, and lightly splash in it.
    She doesn't seem to be bothered by this, so I pretend I'm cool as well.
    When the water calms I realize that someone is looking at me.
    It's Diego.
    Only it's not Diego, at least, this person in front of me doesn't have his face. It's Diego but with a bulkier body, pale shiny skin, green eyes, flecks of gold in his hair.
    "You're not supposed to be here," he says, and I just know he's Diego.
    I stand waist deep in cold water and face him. I notice the scars of war on his body, how he leans ever so slightly because he can't keep himself up. "How are you?"
    He gets up from his stone seat and limps closer. His feet reach the rim of the pool I dropped into, and he splashes in. He is fluid when he does this, despite the limp.
    He gets so near me I can see the layers of scars, one healing over another, and another.
    "I'll get better."
    "This is insane. You can both end this."
    I am participating in this scene without knowing the next line, the characters, and what the scene is about, but my mouth moves and the words come out. I wish I knew what they were talking about.
    I think I would understand Diego and Quin more, if I knew why.
    "He knows what it will take, but he's not willing to do it."
    "You have made unreasonable demands and he won't just let you win."
    "Then that's the problem, isn't it? He values his pride more than he wants you to think."

"It's not pride. It's love."
    I'm close enough to see his eyes clearly, and there is anger still there.
    "But maybe," I hear myself say, "Maybe if it weren't his deal to make."
    Diego is intrigued. "Yes?"
    My hands trace circles in the water. They ripple until they reach his body, an obstruction on their path. "What if I could offer you something. And you voluntarily end this."
    "What are you willing to offer me?"
    He smells like the sea. "What you want."
    "Is it that easy?"
    "I have terms. I want to be comfortable. I must have the right to be comfortable."
    "And what will you give me, in exchange for this comfort?"
    I see my reflection in the water. I see the face of this goddess for the first time.
    "Control," I say.
     

     
    Sharp pain, right underneath my stomach. From the outside in, and upward, jolting all of my insides several inches from where they