Read Online I Want You to Shut the F#ck Up by D.L. Hughley - Free Book Online

neighbor on Newt’s block was babysitting Gingrich’s young daughters. As the neighbor was walking down the street with the two of them, he spotted Gingrich sitting in a parked car on the street. As the neighbor walked by, kids in tow, he saw a woman’s head going up and down in Gingrich’s lap. Mr. Speaker was getting a hummer in front of his own house in broad daylight. The neighbor was just glad that the girls weren’t tall enough to see what was going on. When you are getting a blowjob in front of your house as your children walk by, you are a depraved dude. But even
that
is not the worst of it.
    Newt Gingrich told his wife that he was leaving her for his mistress while she was in the hospital facing a life-threatening illness. If he can’t have compassion for his woman, how can he have compassion for his country? How the fuck can he care about somebody he’s never seen, who’s brown or black? If he can leave a woman that is suffering and in crisis, he can fuck this country up. That speaks to a person’s
humanity
. A president has to be thirty-five years of age, and he has to have been born in the United States, and he has to be
a human being
. This is the problem I have with Newt Gingrich and political leaders like him (John Edwards is certainly on that list). They seem to have temporary morals—and that’s why they must
never
become president.
    Our system was actually working really well to keep men like Newt Gingrich from the presidency. If not for the
Citizens United
ruling by the Supreme Court, Gingrich would have had to shut down his campaign much earlier simply due to a lack of funds. That ruling allowed unlimited political contributions and led to the creation of SuperPACs, which can spend anything they want on behalf of their candidate. The only reason Newt Gingrich remained in the race is because he knew a billionaire, Sheldon Adelson, who was willing to write $5 million checks. That’s not
democracy
. That’s rich people’s chess, and anyone can see how dangerous that is. This country is
nakedly
only for rich people, and the SuperPACs are doing everything they can to make sure it stays that way.
    If this country weren’t for rich people, how else can you explain a major presidential candidate saying that poor minority children should be made into janitors? You would have to go back a hundred years to find such brazen anti-poor sentiment. Gingrich
specifically
said this was for minority children so that they could learn the value of hard work, which they weren’t learning at home.
    Gingrich wants to take these jobs away from janitors and give the money to, by his math, thirty or so kids. I know a little bit about this, because my father was a maintenance man—in other words, a
janitor
. My childhood street was
full
of janitors. Mr. Tarver, Mr. Price, Mr. Ivy, Mr. Hamilton: Maybe fifteen out of the twenty houses on my street had their bills paid by janitors. Every lesson that the Republicans now talk about, my father the janitor taught me.
    I’ll work on a comedy special; I’ll have an interview; I’ll godo the radio thing; that is my janitorial service. It’s my mop and broom, and my suits are my uniform. My father didn’t wear a suit, but his uniform was always fucking neat. My father wasn’t on the radio, but he busted his ass every day and didn’t complain or make excuses.
    My father didn’t
like
sweeping the floors at the steel mill. He did it because it needed to be done. He worked the same job every day and came home at the same time
every day
. He got a watch from them for
never
being late. He never wore it and never took it out of its case. But the one time I borrowed it, he got so mad. “You can’t be taking my shit!” he yelled. “That’s my watch!” I shared
underwear
with this man. My mom would wash all the men’s underwear together and it just went into a pile that you picked out from. But that watch was a point of pride for him, even if he never said so. Taking pride