Read Online I Love You, Beth Cooper by Larry Doyle - Free Book Online Page B

them.
    On the opposite side of the kitchen island, Rich was upside-down spooning ice cream onto his tongue, waiting for such a conversational opening. “So, Beth,” he said, “you think your Army Man has triangulated your signal and is on his way over? Because we might need more waffles.”
    â€œNever mind him.” Beth waved dismissively. “He thinks just because he’s killed some guys, he can kill anybody he wants.”
    That didn’t help.
    â€œLet’s see under there,” Beth said. Denis whimpered as softly as he could as Beth removed the waffles. The blast area was already purple en route to black and beyond.
    â€œOpen.”
    The eyelid stuttered as it retracted.
    â€œPee-yuke,” Treece noted.
    â€œDude.” Rich grossed out. “That’s NC-17.”
    It looked worse than it was, since it looked like Denis was at least blind, perhaps dying, and possibly a brain-eating zombie.
    From the inside, it looked: bloody. Denis tried to focus on Beth’s face, which he knew was only inches away. What he saw, swirling in a red sea, was a blurry pink mass with two darker circular areas in the upper half and a small horizontal smear in the middle of the lower half. If that was a face, then:
    â€œMY CONTACT!” Denis gasped.
    Beth snapped her fingers again.
    â€œContact down!”
    Treece and Cammy initiated contact-retrieval maneuvers, dropping to squats and sweeping the floor with their fingertips in long, overlapping arcs.
    â€œDon’t worry,” Beth told Denis. “We’ll find it. We always do.”
    â€œYou wear contacts?” Denis asked, enthralled by this defect they apparently shared. “What’s your prescription?”
    Before either could comprehend the deep geekitude of the question, and before Denis could compound it with whatever he might say next:
    â€œFound it!” Treece said.
    She held up the champagne cork. A gelatinous dollop clung to the metallic cap. Quite proud of herself,she marched over and presented it to Beth.
    â€œWhat do I win?”
    â€œThe thanks of a grateful nation,” Rich said, presenting her with the half-eaten pint of ice cream.
    Treece held the container like an acting award.
    â€œChubby Monkey!”
    Beth peeled the sticky contact off the cork, rolling it around on her fingertip.
    â€œGucky.”
    She stuck her finger in her mouth and sucked the lens off.
    As she swished it around, salivating, her luscious lips pursed, pulsating. Her pretty pink tongue unfurled and there on the wet tip, bathed in Beth Cooper’s juices, was Denis’s sense of sight.
    Beth Cooper had invented a whole new sex act: the eyejob.
    She tilted Denis’s head back and gently pried open his swollen eyelids.
    â€œOhhhhhh.” He moaned with pain and pleasure, which is how all the weird fetishes start.
    â€œThere.”
    Denis blinked. His contact was back in. Beth came into focus, framed by a velvety crimson swirl.
    â€œHow’s that feel?”
    Denis didn’t have to answer. Beth could see for herself.
    Denis grinned shit-eatingly.
    â€œPretty good, I guess,” Beth said.
    Beth bounced from her knees to her feet in a single cheerleading move. Denis’s ascent was graceless by comparison, hindered by the need to keep a forearm wedged between his legs. He clutched the counter and hauled himself up. Leaning against the kitchen island, hips inward, he twisted his upper torso in the direction of the girls, and smiled. He was fooling almost no one.
    â€œYou hurt your back?” Treece asked.
    Cammy pointed at the ice cream.
    â€œChubby Monkey.”
    Treece looked at the ice cream, then at Denis’s crotchal contortions and back at the ice cream. The creamy banana taste in her mouth helped her put it all together.
    â€œOh,” it dawned on her. “The monkey is chubby. ”
    During the polite silence all around, Denis scooted the perimeter of the kitchen island, placing it