Read Online I Know Not (The Story of Fox Crow) by James Daniel Ross - Free Book Online
Authors: James Daniel Ross
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bringing up a dozen unspoken phrases to lasso the young man and bring him closer to me. Loyalty is a vulnerability, actually emotional investment is vulnerability, but loyalty is a vulnerability that is especially easy to exploit. The first step was to make sure he was loyal to me. It would take subtle abuse to break down his self esteem, flattery to forge his new self image out of materials I would provide, shared knowledge to cement a bond and begin to unveil his secrets. I would dissect his personality and build my golem from its remnants. Soon, when push came to shove, he would back me instead of…
Is this the kind of man I am ?
Then a crashing cold wave collided with the fog inside my head and shattered it into a billion crystal knives. They coalesced into a barbed dagger buried between my shoulder blades. The crossbow flew from my hands and went off harmlessly as it slapped into the dirt, approximately half a second before I joined it.
Theodemar was there, I barely heard him over the roaring of my own blood, “Sir? Sir? Sir?”
It took several minutes before I could breathe, and longer before I could answer. “I don’t know. Hurts. Maybe an old wound.” I rolled onto my back as the searing, stabbing agony pulsed into weaker and weaker echoes, “Help me up.”
Theo did it, but I must have looked like a maggot ridden piece of meat because he screwed up enough courage to ask, “Are you certain?”
“We have a job to do.” I said but those last, handful of seconds had turned bravery into bravado. As I straightened the last of the pain evaporated into just a horrible memory. Nothing was more important than refusing to look vulnerable, “Besides, I’m feeling better.” I picked up the crossbow and scanned the forest, “How long have we been here?”
“About a quarter of an hour.”
I would have loved to try to understand what was going on inside my own body, but the only person who could probably tell me was a cleric who would like nothing more than to excommunicate me off the edge of a cliff if she could do it without sin, guilt, or whatever it is religious people fear living with. In any case, sitting here in the middle of the road was helping nothing. “Then we had better go.”
The rest of the afternoon was taken up with creeping ahead, finding a likely ambush site, circling each and every damn one and making sure nobody was planning a party there later, and then rushing back out to get ahead of the caravan again. It was boring, because nothing happened. It was stressful, since at any time something could happen. It was strenuous, because if we weren’t sneaking, we were climbing, searching, or running. It was just short of hell. I was dripping in sweat by the time we made it to the crossroads and the typical sign, but Theodemar was completely wrecked.
I hooked a thumb up at the sign, its arms pointing down different roads, “River’s Bend or Cornhall?”
“River’s Bend is a more direct way to Carolaughan.” He nodded at the sign, “You can read?”
I glanced back at the crudely carved out letters, filled with aged and chipped paint. To me it was as plain as day, but until tapped to become an officer nobody was likely to bother to invest in a footman’s education. No point in lying now , “Looks like it.”
“I knew you were an officer.” Theo said, smiling wryly.
I faked tired indignation, “Let’s hope not. Officers are a pain in the ass.”
And for just a few moments it was just Theo and I, and while Theo was always Theo, I was feeling like I was being me. My knees felt a little weak. My heart was beating fast. I was forgetting to manipulate him. My hands were moist and shook as I put the bolt back into the slot on cocked bow. I knew I wasn’t in love, but the feeling of being exposed and defenseless remained.
Is this the kind of man I am ?
Then a crashing cold wave collided with the fog inside my head and shattered it into a billion crystal knives. They coalesced into a barbed dagger buried between my shoulder blades. The crossbow flew from my hands and went off harmlessly as it slapped into the dirt, approximately half a second before I joined it.
Theodemar was there, I barely heard him over the roaring of my own blood, “Sir? Sir? Sir?”
It took several minutes before I could breathe, and longer before I could answer. “I don’t know. Hurts. Maybe an old wound.” I rolled onto my back as the searing, stabbing agony pulsed into weaker and weaker echoes, “Help me up.”
Theo did it, but I must have looked like a maggot ridden piece of meat because he screwed up enough courage to ask, “Are you certain?”
“We have a job to do.” I said but those last, handful of seconds had turned bravery into bravado. As I straightened the last of the pain evaporated into just a horrible memory. Nothing was more important than refusing to look vulnerable, “Besides, I’m feeling better.” I picked up the crossbow and scanned the forest, “How long have we been here?”
“About a quarter of an hour.”
I would have loved to try to understand what was going on inside my own body, but the only person who could probably tell me was a cleric who would like nothing more than to excommunicate me off the edge of a cliff if she could do it without sin, guilt, or whatever it is religious people fear living with. In any case, sitting here in the middle of the road was helping nothing. “Then we had better go.”
The rest of the afternoon was taken up with creeping ahead, finding a likely ambush site, circling each and every damn one and making sure nobody was planning a party there later, and then rushing back out to get ahead of the caravan again. It was boring, because nothing happened. It was stressful, since at any time something could happen. It was strenuous, because if we weren’t sneaking, we were climbing, searching, or running. It was just short of hell. I was dripping in sweat by the time we made it to the crossroads and the typical sign, but Theodemar was completely wrecked.
I hooked a thumb up at the sign, its arms pointing down different roads, “River’s Bend or Cornhall?”
“River’s Bend is a more direct way to Carolaughan.” He nodded at the sign, “You can read?”
I glanced back at the crudely carved out letters, filled with aged and chipped paint. To me it was as plain as day, but until tapped to become an officer nobody was likely to bother to invest in a footman’s education. No point in lying now , “Looks like it.”
“I knew you were an officer.” Theo said, smiling wryly.
I faked tired indignation, “Let’s hope not. Officers are a pain in the ass.”
And for just a few moments it was just Theo and I, and while Theo was always Theo, I was feeling like I was being me. My knees felt a little weak. My heart was beating fast. I was forgetting to manipulate him. My hands were moist and shook as I put the bolt back into the slot on cocked bow. I knew I wasn’t in love, but the feeling of being exposed and defenseless remained.
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