Read Online I Could Pee on This by Francesco Marciuliano - Free Book Online
Authors: Francesco Marciuliano
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CHAPTER 1
FAMILY
Sometimes when I lie on your warm chest And hear your every happy sigh I gaze into your two kind eyes And wonder, “Who is that?”
CAT EPIGRAM
I COULD PEE ON THIS
Her new sweater doesn’t smell of me
I could pee on that
She’s gone out for the day and left her laptop on the counter
I could pee on that
Her new boyfriend just pushed my head away
I could pee on him
She’s ignoring me ignoring her
I could pee everywhere
She’s making up for it by putting me on her lap
I could pee on this
I could pee on this
I LICK YOUR NOSE
I lick your nose
I lick your nose again
I drag my claws down your eyelids
Oh, you’re up? Feed me
CLOSED DOOR
LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN
LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN
LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN
LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN
LET ME IN LET ME I-
Oh, uh, hello
I did not expect an answer
I did not expect an entrance
I did not expect this room to be so unbelievably dull
So, uh, goodbye
WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?
Why are you screaming?
What did I do wrong?
Why are you crying?
How can I make it right?
Would you like it in a different color?
Would you like it in a different size?
Would you like it in a different room?
I just wanted to show my love
I just wanted to express my thanks
I just wanted to put a dead mouse on your sheets
But now you are screaming
And I don’t know how to make you stop
WHO IS THAT ON YOUR LAP?
There’s another cat in the house
A cat I’ve never seen
A much
younger
cat
You seem to know her name
You accidentally called me by her name
Right in front of the lamp
And my friend the throw pillow
I’ve never been so humiliated
I may never love again
SEPARATION
You can have the CDs,
I will take the string
You can have the TV,
I will take this fuzzy thing
You can have the kitchen set,
I will take this crumpled foil
You can have the car,
I will keep this rug I soil
You can have the beach house,
I will take this tissue box
You can have everything,
Ooo I want those dirty socks
You can go to hell, I will see to that
For how dare you come home
smelling of another cat?
SOMETHING’S WRONG
Something’s wrong
Why are the walls a different color?
Something’s not right
When did we get these stairs?
Something’s off
How did the kitchen move across the floor?
Something’s going on
Who changed all the homes outside?
Something’s very odd
Why are you mispronouncing “Georgia” as “New York”?
Something happened
When you put me in that carrying case
And someday soon
I will figure it out
UNBRIDLED LOVE
I knead your chest with my sharp claws
To show you my affection
I bite your arm and don’t let go
To show you adoration
I walk across your throat at night
Because I want to say, “Hello!”
I leap from high upon your crotch
Because I miss you so
I trip you when you walk down the stairs
So you know I’m always near
I sit on your face and block all your air
So my absence you need not fear
I show my love in so many ways
My devotion runneth over
So I don’t know why when I approach
You duck and run for cover
BROTHERS
They say we are brothers though
we look nothing alike
They say we are family though
we differ so much
I am tabby, you are brown
I am long, you are short
I am thin, you are stout
I am lively, you are shy
I am a kitten, you are a hamster
But kin is kin
So let me run on your wheel
O CHRISTMAS TREE
O please
O come on
0 like you didn’t know
What you were getting for Christmas
Before I ripped open all your gifts
0 by the way
The tree looks better on its side
0 I really do think so
THE LEASH
Don’t put that thing around my neck
Don’t take me out the front door
Don’t show me off in the park
Don’t drag me into every store
Don’t smile when people stop and stare
Don’t sit outside and talk on the phone
Don’t walk me all over this damn town
Then wonder why you’re still alone
SERIOUSLY
Seriously?
Seriously?!
SERIOUSLY?!
If I took
FAMILY
Sometimes when I lie on your warm chest And hear your every happy sigh I gaze into your two kind eyes And wonder, “Who is that?”
CAT EPIGRAM
I COULD PEE ON THIS
Her new sweater doesn’t smell of me
I could pee on that
She’s gone out for the day and left her laptop on the counter
I could pee on that
Her new boyfriend just pushed my head away
I could pee on him
She’s ignoring me ignoring her
I could pee everywhere
She’s making up for it by putting me on her lap
I could pee on this
I could pee on this
I LICK YOUR NOSE
I lick your nose
I lick your nose again
I drag my claws down your eyelids
Oh, you’re up? Feed me
CLOSED DOOR
LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN
LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN
LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN
LET ME IN LET ME IN LET ME IN
LET ME IN LET ME I-
Oh, uh, hello
I did not expect an answer
I did not expect an entrance
I did not expect this room to be so unbelievably dull
So, uh, goodbye
WHY ARE YOU SCREAMING?
Why are you screaming?
What did I do wrong?
Why are you crying?
How can I make it right?
Would you like it in a different color?
Would you like it in a different size?
Would you like it in a different room?
I just wanted to show my love
I just wanted to express my thanks
I just wanted to put a dead mouse on your sheets
But now you are screaming
And I don’t know how to make you stop
WHO IS THAT ON YOUR LAP?
There’s another cat in the house
A cat I’ve never seen
A much
younger
cat
You seem to know her name
You accidentally called me by her name
Right in front of the lamp
And my friend the throw pillow
I’ve never been so humiliated
I may never love again
SEPARATION
You can have the CDs,
I will take the string
You can have the TV,
I will take this fuzzy thing
You can have the kitchen set,
I will take this crumpled foil
You can have the car,
I will keep this rug I soil
You can have the beach house,
I will take this tissue box
You can have everything,
Ooo I want those dirty socks
You can go to hell, I will see to that
For how dare you come home
smelling of another cat?
SOMETHING’S WRONG
Something’s wrong
Why are the walls a different color?
Something’s not right
When did we get these stairs?
Something’s off
How did the kitchen move across the floor?
Something’s going on
Who changed all the homes outside?
Something’s very odd
Why are you mispronouncing “Georgia” as “New York”?
Something happened
When you put me in that carrying case
And someday soon
I will figure it out
UNBRIDLED LOVE
I knead your chest with my sharp claws
To show you my affection
I bite your arm and don’t let go
To show you adoration
I walk across your throat at night
Because I want to say, “Hello!”
I leap from high upon your crotch
Because I miss you so
I trip you when you walk down the stairs
So you know I’m always near
I sit on your face and block all your air
So my absence you need not fear
I show my love in so many ways
My devotion runneth over
So I don’t know why when I approach
You duck and run for cover
BROTHERS
They say we are brothers though
we look nothing alike
They say we are family though
we differ so much
I am tabby, you are brown
I am long, you are short
I am thin, you are stout
I am lively, you are shy
I am a kitten, you are a hamster
But kin is kin
So let me run on your wheel
O CHRISTMAS TREE
O please
O come on
0 like you didn’t know
What you were getting for Christmas
Before I ripped open all your gifts
0 by the way
The tree looks better on its side
0 I really do think so
THE LEASH
Don’t put that thing around my neck
Don’t take me out the front door
Don’t show me off in the park
Don’t drag me into every store
Don’t smile when people stop and stare
Don’t sit outside and talk on the phone
Don’t walk me all over this damn town
Then wonder why you’re still alone
SERIOUSLY
Seriously?
Seriously?!
SERIOUSLY?!
If I took
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