Read Online I Could Pee on This by Francesco Marciuliano - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: Francesco Marciuliano
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YOU to the doctor
I would make damn sure
You came back with both of them
Down there
Now if you’ll excuse me
I’m going to look forlornly out a window
For like eighteen years
Eighteen looooooooong years
Seriously?!
FOREVER
I could lie by your side for the rest
of our lives
I think I’ll walk away right now
I could let you pet me for
a hundred years
I think we need some time apart
I could be kissed a thousand
thousand times
I think I’m needed somewhere else
I could sit on your lap forever
I said I could sit on your lap forever
Don’t you even think of trying to get up
Well, you should have gone
to the bathroom beforehand
Because forever is a very, very long time
THIS IS MY CHAIR
This is my chair
This is my couch
That is my bed
That is my bench
There is my chaise
There is my settee
Those are my footstools
Those are my rugs
Everywhere is my place to sleep
Perhaps you should just get a hotel room
MY LIFE IS RUINED
That was just for you
That was just our little joke
So we could share a little laugh
Just the two of us alone
But you took that special moment
You posted it online
Now forty million people think
I bark like a dog
And so I hide under the covers
Cursing your very name
Saying you better get a good lawyer
Or me a great agent
CHAPTER 2
WORK
They say there are
Twenty-four hours in a day
But I’m only up for three of them
And two I consider overtime
CAT PROVERB
I LICK
I lick my neck, I lick my chest
I lick my back to look my best
I lick my paw to wash my face
I lift my leg to lick that place
I lick my tail, I lick my belly
I lick my back or did I do that already?
I lick my tail, maybe once more
Oh what the hell, let’s make it four
I lick my neck in case I forgot
Did I lick my chest? Well, I missed a spot
I lick my face, my leg, my tail, my face
I relick my belly and then, yes, my face
I lick all the time, I’m so soil-free
Seems the only thing I can’t lick is my OCD
YOUR KEYBOARD
Suetdhe8defdisjas
I just typed a poem in your presentation
Chsothekstevdswdj
I just typed a joke in your email
Nosyd76mhdlwdag
I just typed something personal
on your update
Vos7swps8s73wbk
I just typed my political views
in your tweet
Bhst9ahw-2ynsyhz
I just accidentally typed in
your bank account password
Kitty’s gonna buy himself
a new scratching post
ONE DAY
One day words I shall talk
One day on my hind legs I shall walk
One day your books I shall read
One day I shall dress in your finest tweed
And on that day when I talk and walk
When I know the facts
and look stunning in slacks
When I am your equal
and not under your command
I shall stride right up and fully demand,
“Can you get my favorite fuzzy toy
from under the bed?
It’s been there for like a week,
and I can’t reach it”
BUSY, BUSY
It’s 8 A.M. and time to rest
It’s 10 A.M. and time to relax
It’s noon and time for repose
It’s 3 P.M. and time for shut-eye
It’s 6 P.M. and time for siesta
It’s 9 P.M. and time to slumber
It’s midnight and time to snooze
It’s 4 A.M. and time to hang upside down
from your bedroom ceiling, screaming
SCRATCH
Scratch Scratch Scratch
Scratch Scratch Scratch
Scratch Scratch
Scratch
There
It is done
Now gaze upon your sofa leg
And see an exact replica
of Rodin’s
The Thinker
I mean, if you look at it
from just the right angle
Anyway, on to my next masterpiece—
Turning your curtains into confetti
Really, I should have
my own gallery show
TALK TO ME
Tell me about your day
Tell me about your dreams
Tell me about the girl you adore
The one who smiles but walks away
Tell me your greatest fears
Tell me your biggest secrets
Tell me your most cherished moments
The ones that light your darkest days
Tell me why things don’t work out
Tell me why stuff gets in the way
Tell me why it stops you cold
The one thought you can’t let go
Lie on the couch and talk to me
Open your mind and bare yourself
Because
I would make damn sure
You came back with both of them
Down there
Now if you’ll excuse me
I’m going to look forlornly out a window
For like eighteen years
Eighteen looooooooong years
Seriously?!
FOREVER
I could lie by your side for the rest
of our lives
I think I’ll walk away right now
I could let you pet me for
a hundred years
I think we need some time apart
I could be kissed a thousand
thousand times
I think I’m needed somewhere else
I could sit on your lap forever
I said I could sit on your lap forever
Don’t you even think of trying to get up
Well, you should have gone
to the bathroom beforehand
Because forever is a very, very long time
THIS IS MY CHAIR
This is my chair
This is my couch
That is my bed
That is my bench
There is my chaise
There is my settee
Those are my footstools
Those are my rugs
Everywhere is my place to sleep
Perhaps you should just get a hotel room
MY LIFE IS RUINED
That was just for you
That was just our little joke
So we could share a little laugh
Just the two of us alone
But you took that special moment
You posted it online
Now forty million people think
I bark like a dog
And so I hide under the covers
Cursing your very name
Saying you better get a good lawyer
Or me a great agent
CHAPTER 2
WORK
They say there are
Twenty-four hours in a day
But I’m only up for three of them
And two I consider overtime
CAT PROVERB
I LICK
I lick my neck, I lick my chest
I lick my back to look my best
I lick my paw to wash my face
I lift my leg to lick that place
I lick my tail, I lick my belly
I lick my back or did I do that already?
I lick my tail, maybe once more
Oh what the hell, let’s make it four
I lick my neck in case I forgot
Did I lick my chest? Well, I missed a spot
I lick my face, my leg, my tail, my face
I relick my belly and then, yes, my face
I lick all the time, I’m so soil-free
Seems the only thing I can’t lick is my OCD
YOUR KEYBOARD
Suetdhe8defdisjas
I just typed a poem in your presentation
Chsothekstevdswdj
I just typed a joke in your email
Nosyd76mhdlwdag
I just typed something personal
on your update
Vos7swps8s73wbk
I just typed my political views
in your tweet
Bhst9ahw-2ynsyhz
I just accidentally typed in
your bank account password
Kitty’s gonna buy himself
a new scratching post
ONE DAY
One day words I shall talk
One day on my hind legs I shall walk
One day your books I shall read
One day I shall dress in your finest tweed
And on that day when I talk and walk
When I know the facts
and look stunning in slacks
When I am your equal
and not under your command
I shall stride right up and fully demand,
“Can you get my favorite fuzzy toy
from under the bed?
It’s been there for like a week,
and I can’t reach it”
BUSY, BUSY
It’s 8 A.M. and time to rest
It’s 10 A.M. and time to relax
It’s noon and time for repose
It’s 3 P.M. and time for shut-eye
It’s 6 P.M. and time for siesta
It’s 9 P.M. and time to slumber
It’s midnight and time to snooze
It’s 4 A.M. and time to hang upside down
from your bedroom ceiling, screaming
SCRATCH
Scratch Scratch Scratch
Scratch Scratch Scratch
Scratch Scratch
Scratch
There
It is done
Now gaze upon your sofa leg
And see an exact replica
of Rodin’s
The Thinker
I mean, if you look at it
from just the right angle
Anyway, on to my next masterpiece—
Turning your curtains into confetti
Really, I should have
my own gallery show
TALK TO ME
Tell me about your day
Tell me about your dreams
Tell me about the girl you adore
The one who smiles but walks away
Tell me your greatest fears
Tell me your biggest secrets
Tell me your most cherished moments
The ones that light your darkest days
Tell me why things don’t work out
Tell me why stuff gets in the way
Tell me why it stops you cold
The one thought you can’t let go
Lie on the couch and talk to me
Open your mind and bare yourself
Because
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