Read Online I Am an Emotional Creature: The Secret Life of Girls Around the World by Eve Ensler - Free Book Online
Authors: Eve Ensler
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are shy
Girls are tender
Girls are soft
Boys sit for hours and never talk
They yell at the television
Girls can do things better
Ballet
Wearing dresses
Being different
Women are closer.
ASKING THE QUESTION
So we’re lying there kissing and feeling each other up
and it’s getting hotter and I can tell he thinks I’m not into it
’cause all I’m thinking about is how I’m going to ask him,
how I am going to say it.
I’ll make him uptight.
He’ll know I’ve done this before.
He’ll think I’m a nerd.
I know all boys hate them.
It doesn’t feel as good.
It breaks up the motion, the momentum.
He won’t call me again.
He’ll feel bad, like something’s wrong with him.
He’s nervous already.
He’ll lose it.
He couldn’t have AIDS.
He’s too young.
He’s too handsome.
He’s too athletic.
He’s too nice.
He’s too shy.
He’s too funny.
He dresses too well.
He’s too clean.
He’s too smart.
He’s too careful.
He’s too popular.
He’s too Christian.
I’ve known him my whole life.
Maybe I’ll ask him the next time
when we know each other better.
Then I remember this girl in my class.
She was seventeen.
She was really cute.
She was going to marry this guy.
He didn’t tell her he slept with
someone else.
He didn’t tell her ’cause he
didn’t want her to break up with him.
He didn’t tell her
and she trusted him
and he gave her HIV.
So I say
just like that
“Would you mind
using a condom please?”
(I sound just like my mother)
and he says, without even missing a beat,
“Sure, I have one right here.”
and I think
oh my God
that wasn’t so bad.
Kind of easy
and he’s clearly done this before.
So he’s not that shy,
not so insecure,
clearly not a virgin,
clearly prepared.
Maybe I don’t really know who he is.
I do that.
I make people up.
I make up what they think
and how they will respond.
I get so inside him
that I don’t think about me.
Why didn’t he bring it up?
Maybe he was going to put it on
at the last minute.
Maybe he has a way of doing it
so it doesn’t stop the flow.
How many times has he done this?
How many girls has he slept with?
And he says, just like that,
“This is my first time,
I’m kind of awkward,”
and I start laughing
and he says, “Are you laughing at me?”
and I say, “No, I’m laughing ’cause
I’m awkward too and I’m happy
you’re like me.”
And we kiss some more
and then later he takes out the condom
and we laugh at it
’cause condoms are really funny looking
and it ends up being something
we do together
and we’re both protecting ourselves
and each other
and this makes me like him
and me.
WOULD YOU RATHER (III)
GIRL 1
Would you rather catch your boyfriend sleeping with your best friend or your sister?
GIRL 2
Would you rather keep annoying me or let me sleep?
GIRL 1
Wow, you’re so grumpy!
GIRL 2
Would you rather be someone I invite over again or keep asking really stupid questions?
GIRL 1
Why are you so upset?
GIRL 2
’Cause all your questions are totally depressing me.
’Cause I am sick of having to choose between two horrible impossible things.
Living with my mother or my father, being popular or smart, enjoying sex or being called a slut, making money or following my heart.
I want different questions. I hate these choices. I hate my life.
GIRL 1
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It was just a game.
(Girl 2
is crying
.)
GIRL 1
Are you crying?
GIRL 2
Yes.
(Pause, silence)
GIRL 1
Would you rather I stay over here and let you alone or come there and snuggle up with you?
GIRL 2
The second.
GIRL 1
Come over there?
GIRL 2
Yeah.
(She comes over and snuggles with her.)
GIRL 1
I’m sorry.
GIRL 2
It’s just so hard sometimes. It’s just so hard and sad.
GIRL 1
I know. It is. I hate it.
(They both snuggle and they both cry. Then after a while they start
laughing and laughing.)
THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
Being big
My curves
Being petite, my own little shape
My eyes
My smile
My skin—caramel color, smooth and
Girls are tender
Girls are soft
Boys sit for hours and never talk
They yell at the television
Girls can do things better
Ballet
Wearing dresses
Being different
Women are closer.
ASKING THE QUESTION
So we’re lying there kissing and feeling each other up
and it’s getting hotter and I can tell he thinks I’m not into it
’cause all I’m thinking about is how I’m going to ask him,
how I am going to say it.
I’ll make him uptight.
He’ll know I’ve done this before.
He’ll think I’m a nerd.
I know all boys hate them.
It doesn’t feel as good.
It breaks up the motion, the momentum.
He won’t call me again.
He’ll feel bad, like something’s wrong with him.
He’s nervous already.
He’ll lose it.
He couldn’t have AIDS.
He’s too young.
He’s too handsome.
He’s too athletic.
He’s too nice.
He’s too shy.
He’s too funny.
He dresses too well.
He’s too clean.
He’s too smart.
He’s too careful.
He’s too popular.
He’s too Christian.
I’ve known him my whole life.
Maybe I’ll ask him the next time
when we know each other better.
Then I remember this girl in my class.
She was seventeen.
She was really cute.
She was going to marry this guy.
He didn’t tell her he slept with
someone else.
He didn’t tell her ’cause he
didn’t want her to break up with him.
He didn’t tell her
and she trusted him
and he gave her HIV.
So I say
just like that
“Would you mind
using a condom please?”
(I sound just like my mother)
and he says, without even missing a beat,
“Sure, I have one right here.”
and I think
oh my God
that wasn’t so bad.
Kind of easy
and he’s clearly done this before.
So he’s not that shy,
not so insecure,
clearly not a virgin,
clearly prepared.
Maybe I don’t really know who he is.
I do that.
I make people up.
I make up what they think
and how they will respond.
I get so inside him
that I don’t think about me.
Why didn’t he bring it up?
Maybe he was going to put it on
at the last minute.
Maybe he has a way of doing it
so it doesn’t stop the flow.
How many times has he done this?
How many girls has he slept with?
And he says, just like that,
“This is my first time,
I’m kind of awkward,”
and I start laughing
and he says, “Are you laughing at me?”
and I say, “No, I’m laughing ’cause
I’m awkward too and I’m happy
you’re like me.”
And we kiss some more
and then later he takes out the condom
and we laugh at it
’cause condoms are really funny looking
and it ends up being something
we do together
and we’re both protecting ourselves
and each other
and this makes me like him
and me.
WOULD YOU RATHER (III)
GIRL 1
Would you rather catch your boyfriend sleeping with your best friend or your sister?
GIRL 2
Would you rather keep annoying me or let me sleep?
GIRL 1
Wow, you’re so grumpy!
GIRL 2
Would you rather be someone I invite over again or keep asking really stupid questions?
GIRL 1
Why are you so upset?
GIRL 2
’Cause all your questions are totally depressing me.
’Cause I am sick of having to choose between two horrible impossible things.
Living with my mother or my father, being popular or smart, enjoying sex or being called a slut, making money or following my heart.
I want different questions. I hate these choices. I hate my life.
GIRL 1
I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It was just a game.
(Girl 2
is crying
.)
GIRL 1
Are you crying?
GIRL 2
Yes.
(Pause, silence)
GIRL 1
Would you rather I stay over here and let you alone or come there and snuggle up with you?
GIRL 2
The second.
GIRL 1
Come over there?
GIRL 2
Yeah.
(She comes over and snuggles with her.)
GIRL 1
I’m sorry.
GIRL 2
It’s just so hard sometimes. It’s just so hard and sad.
GIRL 1
I know. It is. I hate it.
(They both snuggle and they both cry. Then after a while they start
laughing and laughing.)
THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
Being big
My curves
Being petite, my own little shape
My eyes
My smile
My skin—caramel color, smooth and
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