Colleen
would do for me. Making sure I was included. Making sure I was with her. Making sure
I knew she was thinking of me.
She’d done it that night. When we left the alley and stood on the corner of Brian’s
street, she took my hand and pulled me toward the front steps.
Chapter 5
I didn’t know Brian at first. First, there was Dylan. My lab partner in chemistry,
and something else, something lingering under the surface, waiting to bubble over.
Which it eventually did.
Dylan liked me. I liked him. He knew it. I knew it. But there was the small issue
of his girlfriend. Even she knew it, which is why she scowled at me whenever she passed
me in the hall. Colleen told me to be bold. But I thought I already was.
I spent the semester giggling at his jokes, purposely bumping into him, and leaning
too close while he used the dropper to fill a test tube — like it was the most fascinating thing I’d ever seen.
And he spent the semester looking me over. And over. And over.
Sometimes he’d text me in between classes, from down the hall, where I could see him
standing with his group of friends. He’d look up and smile at me, and then I’d feel
my phone vibrate. I didn’t even have to check — it would say: I didn’t do my homework. I’d write back: me neither. He’d write: library? And we’d meet there for study hall. I was pretty sure we were both purposely not doing
our chemistry homework just to have an excuse to hang out during study hall.
But nothing ever happened. He kept his girlfriend, and our homework always sucked.
And then we were failing. And that’s when I got bold. Because everything suddenly
felt so frantic, so urgent. We couldn’t get our year-end project to work. The test
tubes kept fizzling out and dying. So we stayed after school, and Dylan scribbled
in his notebook and squinted at a calculator. Finally he said, “You don’t want to
know how many decimal places we were off by.”
Then Dylan measured things out, and I leaned too close to the dropper, like I expected
to remember any of this after the final exam, and finally our solution bubbled over,
spilling out the top.
I leaped off my stool, spun around, and high-fived him.
Then I started laughing and said, “Oh my God, did we just high-five? Over a chemistry
experiment?”
And he’d said, “No way, you misinterpreted my raised hand. I was waving at someone
in the hall. And then you slapped it. Very uncool, Mallory. Your social status is
plummeting as we speak.”
I perched on the stool beside him. “Am I ruined?”
He smirked. “I could be convinced not to tell.”
I didn’t wait for him to elaborate. I leaned in and kissed him.
He didn’t kiss me back. I mean, he didn’t push me away or anything, but he didn’t
really put forth the effort. It was like he was undecided about the whole thing. And
then there were footsteps in the hall. He’d glanced toward the door and said, “I’m
supposed to meet Danielle.” Right.
I thought maybe they’d break up, once he had time to think about it, but the next
day they were walking down the hall together. The day after that too. Weeks of them
walking down the hall together and kissing by her locker. Until school let out for
the summer. And one day, I saw this guy on the boardwalk. I could’ve sworn it was
Dylan. But it wasn’t. This was an older version with a broader smile, and something
else in his eyes. He saw me staring. And the first time he looked at me, I knew. He’d
kiss me back.
He was a way to forget.
Forgetting wasn’t really an option anymore.
Everyone had already left for Preview at least an hour earlier — even the stragglers were gone. My eyes were closed, not that I was sleeping. Not that
I could ever sleep on my own anymore. But I could feel that thing coming. The way the room suddenly felt alive and charged. So I kept my eyes closed.
Something grazed my arm. I opened my eyes and jumped
would do for me. Making sure I was included. Making sure I was with her. Making sure
I knew she was thinking of me.
She’d done it that night. When we left the alley and stood on the corner of Brian’s
street, she took my hand and pulled me toward the front steps.
Chapter 5
I didn’t know Brian at first. First, there was Dylan. My lab partner in chemistry,
and something else, something lingering under the surface, waiting to bubble over.
Which it eventually did.
Dylan liked me. I liked him. He knew it. I knew it. But there was the small issue
of his girlfriend. Even she knew it, which is why she scowled at me whenever she passed
me in the hall. Colleen told me to be bold. But I thought I already was.
I spent the semester giggling at his jokes, purposely bumping into him, and leaning
too close while he used the dropper to fill a test tube — like it was the most fascinating thing I’d ever seen.
And he spent the semester looking me over. And over. And over.
Sometimes he’d text me in between classes, from down the hall, where I could see him
standing with his group of friends. He’d look up and smile at me, and then I’d feel
my phone vibrate. I didn’t even have to check — it would say: I didn’t do my homework. I’d write back: me neither. He’d write: library? And we’d meet there for study hall. I was pretty sure we were both purposely not doing
our chemistry homework just to have an excuse to hang out during study hall.
But nothing ever happened. He kept his girlfriend, and our homework always sucked.
And then we were failing. And that’s when I got bold. Because everything suddenly
felt so frantic, so urgent. We couldn’t get our year-end project to work. The test
tubes kept fizzling out and dying. So we stayed after school, and Dylan scribbled
in his notebook and squinted at a calculator. Finally he said, “You don’t want to
know how many decimal places we were off by.”
Then Dylan measured things out, and I leaned too close to the dropper, like I expected
to remember any of this after the final exam, and finally our solution bubbled over,
spilling out the top.
I leaped off my stool, spun around, and high-fived him.
Then I started laughing and said, “Oh my God, did we just high-five? Over a chemistry
experiment?”
And he’d said, “No way, you misinterpreted my raised hand. I was waving at someone
in the hall. And then you slapped it. Very uncool, Mallory. Your social status is
plummeting as we speak.”
I perched on the stool beside him. “Am I ruined?”
He smirked. “I could be convinced not to tell.”
I didn’t wait for him to elaborate. I leaned in and kissed him.
He didn’t kiss me back. I mean, he didn’t push me away or anything, but he didn’t
really put forth the effort. It was like he was undecided about the whole thing. And
then there were footsteps in the hall. He’d glanced toward the door and said, “I’m
supposed to meet Danielle.” Right.
I thought maybe they’d break up, once he had time to think about it, but the next
day they were walking down the hall together. The day after that too. Weeks of them
walking down the hall together and kissing by her locker. Until school let out for
the summer. And one day, I saw this guy on the boardwalk. I could’ve sworn it was
Dylan. But it wasn’t. This was an older version with a broader smile, and something
else in his eyes. He saw me staring. And the first time he looked at me, I knew. He’d
kiss me back.
He was a way to forget.
Forgetting wasn’t really an option anymore.
Everyone had already left for Preview at least an hour earlier — even the stragglers were gone. My eyes were closed, not that I was sleeping. Not that
I could ever sleep on my own anymore. But I could feel that thing coming. The way the room suddenly felt alive and charged. So I kept my eyes closed.
Something grazed my arm. I opened my eyes and jumped
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