Read Online Hygiene and the Assassin by Amélie Nothomb - Free Book Online Page B

d’amour
? Is that it?”
    â€œCalm down, I’m just trying to do my job.”
    â€œAnd I’m trying to do mine.”
    â€œSo in your opinion, a writer is someone whose job consists in not answering questions?”
    â€œExactly.”
    â€œAnd Sartre?”
    â€œWhat about Sartre?”
    â€œWell, he answered questions, didn’t he?”
    â€œSo what?”
    â€œThat contradicts your definition.”
    â€œNot in the least: it confirms it, on the contrary.”
    â€œYou mean that Sartre is not a writer?”
    â€œYou didn’t know?”
    â€œWhat do you mean, he wrote remarkably well.”
    â€œThere are journalists who write remarkably well. But it is not enough to have a way with words to be a writer.”
    â€œNo? What else is required, then?”
    â€œA great many things. First of all, you need balls. And the balls I am referring to have nothing to do with one’s sex. The proof of it is that there are some women who have balls. Oh, not very many, but they do exist: Patricia Highsmith, for example.”
    â€œThat’s astonishing, that a great writer like yourself would like the work of Patricia Highsmith.”
    â€œWhy? There’s nothing astonishing about it at all. You might not think so, but she’s someone who must hate people as much as I do, and women in particular. You can tell she doesn’t write in order to be invited to people’s drawing rooms.”
    â€œAnd what about Sartre, did he write in order to be invited to drawing rooms?”
    â€œDid he ever! I never met the gentleman, but just reading him I could tell how much he loved drawing rooms.”
    â€œThat’s a bit hard to swallow. He was a leftist, after all.”
    â€œSo? Do you think leftists don’t like drawing rooms? I think that, on the contrary, they like them more than anyone. It stands to reason: if I’d been a worker all my life, it seems to me I would like nothing better than to spend my time in drawing rooms.”
    â€œYou’re oversimplifying: not all leftists are workers. Some leftists come from very good families.”
    â€œReally? Then they have no excuse.”
    â€œYou wouldn’t happen to be a rabid anti-Communist, would you, Monsieur Tach?”
    â€œAnd you wouldn’t you happen to be a premature ejaculator, now would you, Mr. Journalist?”
    â€œOh, really, that has nothing to do with it.”
    â€œI do agree. So, to get back to our balls. They are the most vital organ a writer has. If he has no balls, a writer uses his words in the service of bad faith. To give you an example, let’s take a gifted writer, and give him something to write about. With solid balls, you get
Death on Credit.
Without balls, you get
La nausée.
”
    â€œDon’t you think you’re simplifying somewhat?”
    â€œAre you, a journalist, serious? And here I’ve been trying, out of the goodness of my heart, to bring myself down to your level!”
    â€œI never asked you to. What I want is a precise and methodical definition of what you mean by ‘balls.’”
    â€œWhy? Don’t tell me you are trying to write some sort of Tach Made Easy for the general public?”
    â€œNot at all! I just wanted to have some sort of clear communication with you.”
    â€œUh-huh, that’s what I was afraid of.”
    â€œCome now, Monsieur Tach, please try and make things simple for me, just for once.”
    â€œYou must understand that I detest any form of simplification, young man; so if you start asking me to simplify myself, don’t expect me to be very enthusiastic.”
    â€œBut I’m not asking you to simplify yourself, not at all! I’m just asking you for a brief definition of what you mean by ‘balls.’”
    â€œAll right, all right, don’t whine. What is it with you journalists? You are all so hypersensitive.”
    â€œI’m listening.”
    â€œWell,