Hygiene and the Assassin

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Authors: Amélie Nothomb
Tags: Fiction, General
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‘dignity.’ And then you’re lying to other people, but not with honest, nasty lies, not to stir up shit, no: your lies are those of a hypocrite, a
lite
liar, ranting and raving with a smile, as if this would make everyone happy.”
    â€œFor example?”
    â€œWell, the condition of women in this day and age.”
    â€œIn what way? Are you a feminist?”
    â€œMe, a feminist? I hate women even more than I hate men.”
    â€œWhy?”
    â€œFor a thousand reasons. First of all, because they are ugly: have you ever seen anything uglier than a woman? What a senseless idea to have breasts, and hips—I’ll spare you the rest. And then, I hate women the way I hate all victims. A filthy race, victims. If we were to exterminate them altogether, perhaps we’d have peace at last, and perhaps at last the victims would get what they want, which is martyrdom. Women are particularly pernicious victims because they are, above all else, the victims of other women. If you want to penetrate the dregs of human emotions, take a good look at the feelings that women cultivate toward other women: you will tremble with horror at the sight of so much hypocrisy, jealousy, nastiness, and iniquity. You will never see two women having a good healthy fistfight or even flinging a good volley of insults at each other: with women, it’s the nasty tricks that triumph, the vile little phrases that hurt far more than a good punch in the jaw. You’ll tell me there’s nothing new about all that, that the world of women has been like this since Adam and Eve. But I will tell you that the lot of women has never been worse, and it’s their own fault, we agree on that, but what does that change? The condition of women has become the arena for truly disgusting manifestations of bad faith.”
    â€œYou still haven’t explained anything.”
    â€œLet’s look at the way things used to be. Women are inferior to men, that goes without saying: all you have to do is see how ugly they are. In the past, there was no bad faith. No one tried to hide women’s inferiority, and they were treated in consequence. But what we have nowadays is revolting: women are still inferior to men—for they are still just as ugly—but they are being told that they are man’s equal. And because they are stupid, naturally they believe it. Yet women are still being treated as inferior: salaries are merely one minor sign of this. There are others that are far more serious: women are still far behind in every domain—charm, to begin with—there’s nothing surprising about that, given how ugly they are, and how little intelligence they have, and given above all their disgusting spitefulness, which crops up at the first opportunity. You have to admire the bad faith of the system: take an ugly, stupid, nasty, charmless slave and make her believe that she is starting off with the same opportunities as her master—when in fact she has only a quarter as many. Personally I find it appalling. If I were a woman, I would be sick.”
    â€œBut you do conceive, I hope, that other people might not agree with you?”
    â€œâ€˜Conceive’ is not the appropriate verb. I do not conceive it, I am offended by it. What perfidy will you invoke to contradict me?”
    â€œMy own taste, to begin with. I don’t think women are ugly.”
    â€œMy poor friend, you have potty taste.”
    â€œA woman’s breasts are a beautiful thing.”
    â€œYou don’t know what you’re saying. Already on the glossy paper of a magazine those female protuberances are at the limit of what is acceptable. What about the ones belonging to real women, the ones they dare not show and which make up the vast majority of tits? Yuck.”
    â€œThat’s just your taste. We’re not obliged to share it.”
    â€œOh, of course, you might even think a lump of fat sold at the butcher’s is a

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