Read Online How To Set Up An FLR by Georgia Ivey Green - Free Book Online
Authors: Georgia Ivey Green
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well.
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Chapter 9: Overcoming Fear & Guilt
Two of the biggest obstacles many women run into is the fear of failing to meet her partner's expectations and the guilt that comes from issuing orders and doling out discipline. With most couples, when they are first starting out together, they each find ways of punishing their partner when he or she does something that goes contrary to their own wishes. That is to say, if a woman doesn't like something her partner did, she will find a way to punish him for it. Normally this punishment takes the form of denying him any form of sexual pleasure. Come on ladies, admit it. You would get angry and withhold sex until he either apologized or made up for his mistake in some way. If the female partner was the offending one, men usually get angry and yell or belittle their partner. There are better ways of handling things.
Let's face it, neither of these methods is conducive to a happy, healthy relationship. What ends up happening is that one partner or the other begins to feel less and less appreciated as time goes by. Perhaps it's the reason so many couples seem to drift apart. If you make a good agreement as outlined in the last chapter, then you are on your way to a happier, healthier relationship. Don't stop now!
If you included a section for discipline (and/or punishments) in your agreement, then you owe it to yourself and your partner to apply that discipline (or punishment) as you promised you would. So let's take this one step at a time.
First of all, your partner agreed to whatever punishment or discipline you outlined in your agreement. That means that he expects you to correct his behavior if he fails to keep his end of the bargain. You owe it to him to do what you agreed to or else your agreement isn't worth the paper (or computer screen) it's printed on. If you have any fear of failing, you should remind yourself that doing what the agreement calls for is what is expected. You can not fail if you are simply following the rules the two of you agreed upon.
This fear can be easily overcome by asking your partner one question, “Does it upset you when I punish you?” If the answer is, “No,” then you should be able to overcome your fear quickly and easily. I have done some “unscientific” research on my own and I can tell you with conviction that most men who want to be controlled in an FLR also want to be punished for misbehavior. In fact, my research shows that most men in an FLR feel that their partners don't punish them severely enough or often enough.
If in doubt, talk about it. Your partner is the best source of information about punishment and discipline you have anywhere. He knows when he deserves to be punished and he knows that if you are not strict enough he will continue to misbehave. So when you find yourself questioning whether or not to punish him, do it! If he misbehaves in the same way again, then you must punish him more severely. Continue to increase the severity of his punishments until he learns his lesson.
Another option is to simply ask your partner what he feels would be an appropriate punishment for his misbehavior. First, scold him. Let him know how disappointed you are with his behavior and then ask him what he thinks you should do about it. Don't let him say, “whatever you think, Mistress.” That's a cop out. Make him come up with something then do it. Or better yet, do something a little more severe.
I had this problem when I first took control of my relationship. I was too timid when it came to punishments and I was afraid of being too strict or severe. I made my husband tell me what he thought I should do when he failed to wash the dishes one night. I was thinking of spanking him with about ten licks on his bare bottom. He suggested that he deserved twenty-five licks on each cheek with my hairbrush. I was taken aback. I was not expecting him to come up with such a severe paddling. But I decided right then, that
~ ~ ~
Chapter 9: Overcoming Fear & Guilt
Two of the biggest obstacles many women run into is the fear of failing to meet her partner's expectations and the guilt that comes from issuing orders and doling out discipline. With most couples, when they are first starting out together, they each find ways of punishing their partner when he or she does something that goes contrary to their own wishes. That is to say, if a woman doesn't like something her partner did, she will find a way to punish him for it. Normally this punishment takes the form of denying him any form of sexual pleasure. Come on ladies, admit it. You would get angry and withhold sex until he either apologized or made up for his mistake in some way. If the female partner was the offending one, men usually get angry and yell or belittle their partner. There are better ways of handling things.
Let's face it, neither of these methods is conducive to a happy, healthy relationship. What ends up happening is that one partner or the other begins to feel less and less appreciated as time goes by. Perhaps it's the reason so many couples seem to drift apart. If you make a good agreement as outlined in the last chapter, then you are on your way to a happier, healthier relationship. Don't stop now!
If you included a section for discipline (and/or punishments) in your agreement, then you owe it to yourself and your partner to apply that discipline (or punishment) as you promised you would. So let's take this one step at a time.
First of all, your partner agreed to whatever punishment or discipline you outlined in your agreement. That means that he expects you to correct his behavior if he fails to keep his end of the bargain. You owe it to him to do what you agreed to or else your agreement isn't worth the paper (or computer screen) it's printed on. If you have any fear of failing, you should remind yourself that doing what the agreement calls for is what is expected. You can not fail if you are simply following the rules the two of you agreed upon.
This fear can be easily overcome by asking your partner one question, “Does it upset you when I punish you?” If the answer is, “No,” then you should be able to overcome your fear quickly and easily. I have done some “unscientific” research on my own and I can tell you with conviction that most men who want to be controlled in an FLR also want to be punished for misbehavior. In fact, my research shows that most men in an FLR feel that their partners don't punish them severely enough or often enough.
If in doubt, talk about it. Your partner is the best source of information about punishment and discipline you have anywhere. He knows when he deserves to be punished and he knows that if you are not strict enough he will continue to misbehave. So when you find yourself questioning whether or not to punish him, do it! If he misbehaves in the same way again, then you must punish him more severely. Continue to increase the severity of his punishments until he learns his lesson.
Another option is to simply ask your partner what he feels would be an appropriate punishment for his misbehavior. First, scold him. Let him know how disappointed you are with his behavior and then ask him what he thinks you should do about it. Don't let him say, “whatever you think, Mistress.” That's a cop out. Make him come up with something then do it. Or better yet, do something a little more severe.
I had this problem when I first took control of my relationship. I was too timid when it came to punishments and I was afraid of being too strict or severe. I made my husband tell me what he thought I should do when he failed to wash the dishes one night. I was thinking of spanking him with about ten licks on his bare bottom. He suggested that he deserved twenty-five licks on each cheek with my hairbrush. I was taken aback. I was not expecting him to come up with such a severe paddling. But I decided right then, that
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