Read Online Hostage by Cheryl Headford - Free Book Online

ridiculously disappointed. The dream had disturbed him, and Astrin was in the dream, therefore things wouldn’t be right until Astrin was here.
    He was startled by the opening of the door. Ragnor looked grim.
    “Rowan, what are you doing here?”
    “I—I had a dream. I couldn’t sleep and….”
    “I’m sorry, Rowan. I’ve had a hard night. If you want to talk, you can come back later.”
    “It… I didn’t come to see you.”
    Ragnor looked at him askance. “You came to see Astrin?”
    “I—I dreamed about him. He asked me to help him and… and I… I came.”
    “Rowan….” Ragnor looked thoughtfully at him. “Would you join me for breakfast? There is something I would like to speak to you about.”
    “What about Astrin?”
    “That is what I want to talk about.”
    “Is he all right?” For some reason Rowan was alarmed. Why the hell would he care? It was the dream… just the dream. The dream had rattled him, and because Astrin was in the dream….
    “He is now.”
    “What do you mean by that?”
    “Come to breakfast, then you may return. I suggest you make the most of today, because I cannot do that to Astrin again.”
    Bursting with questions, Rowan followed Ragnor to the dining room. Rowan couldn’t eat. He watched Ragnor. He was serious, even severe, staring into the distance, chewing carefully.
    “What happened?”
    “It was too much for him. I should have realized the first night that he was in distress. I should have realized the procedure was hurting him so much more than was ever intended. I should have realized… but I didn’t. I did it again… and almost lost him.”
    Even more alarmed Rowan asked, “What do you mean, ‘almost lost him’?”
    “I thought the distress was internal, that it was a reaction sparking in his brain from the treatment. I didn’t consider there was a possibility of a physiological aspect. I didn’t realize he was fighting—physically fighting it, with everything he has, his entire being. That was why he was able to shake the conditioning as he did, but also why he was as ill as he was.
    “Tonight he found some kind of inner strength, some kind of…. He fought so hard for so long. His heart couldn’t take it. He… I thought I had killed him. I thought he was dead.”
    Rowan was appalled to see Ragnor’s hands shake. Ragnor was a rock. He was never uncertain. His hands never shook. He was Ragnor.
    “What happened?”
    “We saved him. It took us all night to stabilize him, to bring him back.”
    “But he’s all right now?”
    “He’s… better. I can’t do it again, Rowan. I can’t put him through that again. I should never have done it in the first place. I knew it was wrong. It’s wrong to do that to anyone. He… he was too strong.”
    “I can’t talk to him anymore?”
    “You have today. I want him to wake today. I want him to walk in the sunshine, to get strong again. I want him to…. If it were possible, I would not put him back into stasis, but the conditioning won’t hold, especially not now.”
    “Do you have to, Ragnor? What would it hurt if he did remember? He can’t get out of the infirmary, and when we walk in the garden we could take guards….”
    “Two days ago you were regaling me with all the reasons why not. What has changed?”
    “Nothing. Nothing has changed. It’s just… I don’t think I hate him as much as I used to, and I don’t want him to be hurt anymore.”
    Ragnor smiled. “What brought this on? You still hated him quite a lot last night.”
    “I don’t know. I had a dream… the dream.” Rowan ran his hands through his hair, making it stand up at the top. “It wasn’t the same as before because… because Astrin was with me. I had a choice—go to them or stay with him.”
    “Which did you choose?”
    “I didn’t. I didn’t choose, but I’ve never had a choice before. I don’t think it was about him, not really. I think the choice I was really being given was hold on to the past or embrace