Read Online Honor Unraveled by Elaine Levine - Free Book Online Page A

out. Those days, Casey’s first weeks, were terrible, frightening days she didn’t like to think about, much less talk about. But out the words came, like vomit that couldn’t be held back.  
    “They ordered me to surrender Casey when she was born. They said we could get back to normal and be a family again if I did. They brought couples in to see me in the hospital so I could know what nice people they’d found to take her.” She folded her arms about her and bent over, burying her face in her knees. First she’d lost him. And then her parents wanted her to surrender their daughter. She was so tiny. So helpless. She was all Ivy had of Kit.
    Kit cursed and rolled off her side of the bed. He knelt in front of her, holding her arms. She didn’t look at him.
    “I refused to give her up for adoption,” she told him, watching his hands when they shifted from her arms to her knees. They were big hands. Heavily veined. They showed his strength. His hands would have dwarfed little Casey, had he ever held her as a baby.  
    “They wouldn’t let it go. A month after she was born, they gave me an ultimatum. Give her up or find another place to live.”
    His hands tightened on her knees. She knew he watched her with an unrelenting focus. She felt strangely separate from the words she was speaking, as if what she’d gone through had happened to someone else or had been in another lifetime.
    “We lived in their old Civic for most of the next three years. I worked nights cleaning restaurants and offices, places I could bring Casey in with me while she slept. When I turned twenty, they wanted the car back. I think they thought they could make me change my mind, come back home.”
    She looked at Kit. “When I took the car back to them, they had social services there. That little plan backfired. The woman gave me a lot of helpful info. She got me into some programs that assisted single moms like me. I found a day job. Got Casey into daycare. She really helped me get on my feet. She connected me with a program for single mothers in Denver when I decided I wanted to move back this way. Fast-forward a few years, and I decided to see if I could find Mandy.” And find him, too, though she’d never admit it.
    He nodded. “And she put us in contact.” He crossed his legs and sat on the floor in front of her. “I don’t know how you survived that. Without a friend, without your family. Without me. I’m sorry I didn’t find you. I’m sorry I stopped looking. I thought you’d moved on without me.”
    “The funny thing is, I believed you when you said you would take care of us.” A tear slipped down her cheek. She wiped it off and laughed, but it was a humorless sound. “Even after we left my parents, I thought you’d find us. Somehow. I don’t know how. It doesn’t make sense, looking back at it. And when you didn’t come for us, I guess I began to believe my dad.” She looked at Kit. “You made me believe him, that you’d just used me. So when I took the car back to my parents, and they had the social worker there, I was done with you. I was ready to begin again. On my own terms. Not relying on anyone.”
    She glanced at Kit. “What’s done is done.” She shrugged. “When I moved here, I decided to put those days behind me. I’ve started dating again.”  
    His face tightened. “Have you?” His only show of emotion was a slight flaring of his nostrils. And that knot in the corner of his jaw.
    “Yes. I’m glad you’re here, glad you’re taking an active part in Casey’s life. You’ve been a tremendous help to us. I’m grateful to you for that. But I can’t go back to those days, Kit. I’ve moved on. I want a normal life. I want all the regular things. A marriage. A life partner. Joint goals and someone to share all the milestones with.” She looked at him, watched his eyes. “I want a family.”
    “I see.”
    She lowered her gaze. “I know I might not get everything I’d like in a relationship.”