itâs a Catholic school doesnât mean everyoneâs all goody-goody. Some of them are pretty much the total opposite of goody.â
I should have known better than to bad-mouth anything Catholic in front of my parents. Not that I was actually bad-mouthing the religion or church or anything. I was telling the truth about what Leigh-Anne had said and what Iâd observed about some of the people who went to that particular school.
Of course, my parents didnât see it that way.
âI donât believe you,â Mom snapped. âYouâre just trying to talk us out of the decision, and I donât even understand why. Why would you want to keep going to a school where people drive each other to suicide?â
She practically shrieked the last word and then burst into tears. All I could do was stare at her. And all my dad and brothers did was look uncomfortable.
I couldnât think of a response right away. At least not a positive one. I could have pointed out that only one person had attempted suicide and she hadnât succeeded, but that wouldnât have made Mom feel any better. And I would have had to add âso far,â which would kind of take away my point.
After what other people had said to me, I could easily have done the same thing as Maryellen. She hadnât been able to take what people were saying. Like me, she had probably realized that Jim having to pay for what he admitted heâd done didnât necessarily mean people would stop putting us down.
I could sort of handle it, but I definitely had times when I didnât want to. At least my friends and Kendra supported me. I didnât know what kind of support Maryellen had. If any. Hopefully once she got out of the hospital, she would have help.
What I did know was kids were assholes everywhere. We all treated each other badly at least once in a while. It wasnât exclusive to any particular school, and sending me somewhere else wouldnât change anything.
Mom kept crying. Andy, who was sitting closest to her, reached over and put his hand on her shoulder. It didnât seem to help.
I finally came up with something to say. âI want to be at the school where I have friends. If I go to Leigh-Anneâs school, she might have my back, but she might not. It depends on what her friends say about me. Here, I definitely have friends who stick up for me. And the nurse and my guidance counselor know what happened, and so do some of the other staff. I have support at school. You want me to go to a school where you think no one knows anything about me, but I guarantee they do, and some of the staff might agree with some of the kids that I deserved what happened.â
âAre you safe at school?â Dad asked. âDo you honestly feel safe, especially after what happened to that other girl?â
âShe did it to herself.â That sounded cold as hell, but I couldnât think of any other way to put it. âShe was the only one who was a danger to herself. People said things, but no one made her do what she did. She wasnât safe because she decided not to be. Kind of.â
I covered my face with my hands. I was speaking total crap. It wasnât what I meant. I didnât blame Maryellen or think she was a horrible person for trying to hurt herself. I was just having trouble figuring out the right words to express that no one else had made her do it. âShe was physically safe at school. No oneâs pushed us around or hit us or anything. People say things, but people always say things about each other. No oneâs threatened me, and I donât think anyone threatened her. Just a bunch of crap like we deserved what Jim did, and we should be ashamed of ourselves, and we probably lied. That kind of thing.â
I left out the part where more than one person had said I would be better off dead. I didnât consider that a threat, but Mom and Dad would have.
âSomeone
I should have known better than to bad-mouth anything Catholic in front of my parents. Not that I was actually bad-mouthing the religion or church or anything. I was telling the truth about what Leigh-Anne had said and what Iâd observed about some of the people who went to that particular school.
Of course, my parents didnât see it that way.
âI donât believe you,â Mom snapped. âYouâre just trying to talk us out of the decision, and I donât even understand why. Why would you want to keep going to a school where people drive each other to suicide?â
She practically shrieked the last word and then burst into tears. All I could do was stare at her. And all my dad and brothers did was look uncomfortable.
I couldnât think of a response right away. At least not a positive one. I could have pointed out that only one person had attempted suicide and she hadnât succeeded, but that wouldnât have made Mom feel any better. And I would have had to add âso far,â which would kind of take away my point.
After what other people had said to me, I could easily have done the same thing as Maryellen. She hadnât been able to take what people were saying. Like me, she had probably realized that Jim having to pay for what he admitted heâd done didnât necessarily mean people would stop putting us down.
I could sort of handle it, but I definitely had times when I didnât want to. At least my friends and Kendra supported me. I didnât know what kind of support Maryellen had. If any. Hopefully once she got out of the hospital, she would have help.
What I did know was kids were assholes everywhere. We all treated each other badly at least once in a while. It wasnât exclusive to any particular school, and sending me somewhere else wouldnât change anything.
Mom kept crying. Andy, who was sitting closest to her, reached over and put his hand on her shoulder. It didnât seem to help.
I finally came up with something to say. âI want to be at the school where I have friends. If I go to Leigh-Anneâs school, she might have my back, but she might not. It depends on what her friends say about me. Here, I definitely have friends who stick up for me. And the nurse and my guidance counselor know what happened, and so do some of the other staff. I have support at school. You want me to go to a school where you think no one knows anything about me, but I guarantee they do, and some of the staff might agree with some of the kids that I deserved what happened.â
âAre you safe at school?â Dad asked. âDo you honestly feel safe, especially after what happened to that other girl?â
âShe did it to herself.â That sounded cold as hell, but I couldnât think of any other way to put it. âShe was the only one who was a danger to herself. People said things, but no one made her do what she did. She wasnât safe because she decided not to be. Kind of.â
I covered my face with my hands. I was speaking total crap. It wasnât what I meant. I didnât blame Maryellen or think she was a horrible person for trying to hurt herself. I was just having trouble figuring out the right words to express that no one else had made her do it. âShe was physically safe at school. No oneâs pushed us around or hit us or anything. People say things, but people always say things about each other. No oneâs threatened me, and I donât think anyone threatened her. Just a bunch of crap like we deserved what Jim did, and we should be ashamed of ourselves, and we probably lied. That kind of thing.â
I left out the part where more than one person had said I would be better off dead. I didnât consider that a threat, but Mom and Dad would have.
âSomeone
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