reactions.
Eyeing me over his glasses, Norman says, ‘All righty, then.’ Tapping his gold-plated pen on the pad, he gets down to business. ‘The first thing we need to do is get in front of a judge and get a home study ordered. I assume you plan to move him to California? If so, we’ll need to get an ICPC to coordinate the case between Los Angeles County and theState of Texas.’ He scrawls his lawyer chicken-scratch across a legal pad, plotting our plan of attack, I assume. ‘It’ll be up to the judge whether the adoption takes place here in Texas or is transferred to a California court …’
‘Adoption?’ I throw some incredulity of my own at him. ‘But I’m his mother. Can’t I just … have him back?’
Norman stares down at the pad and underlines a couple of things, rubbing one thick finger back and forth on his forehead as if he’s trying to buff away the premature creases this conversation will leave there. The silence stretches until, at last, he clears his throat. ‘Brooke, River is in foster care. The State of Texas holds guardianship over him. There are specific procedures in place to make sure what’s done now is in the best interest of the child.’
‘But I’m his mother,’ I whisper, repeating myself, the guilt swallowing me up like quicksand. I can barely breathe.
‘Technically, Brooke, you aren’t.’
This statement slaps me in the face, stealing the remainder of my breath. I feel my mouth fall open and watch Norman’s brows draw together in contrition, his lips tightening. He’s given me the blunt truth, and as much as I appreciate him doing so, I didn’t anticipate this answer.
‘How long? How long until I can have him?’ A tremor runs through my entire body, starting at my neck and shooting painfully to the tips of my fingers and toes. ‘Or are you telling me I can’t – I can’t get him back?’
Norman’s rueful expression blurs while the rest of the room swims. ‘Brooke, you gave him up when he was born because you believed that to be in his best interest.’
I seal my shuddering lips together. I gave him up because I didn’t want him. I didn’t even want to hold him before I gave him away. My relinquishment was no selfless act on my part – I just wanted my life back.
‘The court will take that into consideration,’ he continues. Overriding my buzzing thoughts, his voice is tinny, as though his words echo through a can. ‘Best-case scenario, we’re looking at four or five months –’
‘Four or five
months
?’
My words resound and twang and I don’t care who hears or how I sound. ‘I can’t leave him in that dirty, flea-infested place for
months
! I can’t just go back home and leave him here like I did last time!’
Like explosives detonating a dam, something cracks inside my chest and to my utter horror, I’m bawling.
Norman stands and sits, twice, finally seizing a box of tissues from his tidy cupboard and thrusting it at me as Kathryn bursts into the room, dropping into the chair next to me and pulling me to her shoulder. ‘Honey, you aren’t abandoning him. We’re starting a process here. Look – we want them to be meticulous. We want them to be careful. We don’t know if there are grandparents who want him, or aunts or uncles who’ve already started this process. Maybe he’s weeks or days away from a new home.’
She knew. That’s why she insisted on coming along today, and why she installed herself in a chair right outside the office door. That’s why she was so restrained this morning on the drive from the hotel, venturing no opinions about what Norman might say. She already knew, or at least suspected.
‘You want what’s best for him, right?’ she asks.
I nod and bury my face against her like I had as a child. How many times had I come to her when my own parents failed me? She’d kept me sane when no one else cared what I thought, felt or wanted. But if River has grandparents or aunts or uncles, where the hell were
Eyeing me over his glasses, Norman says, ‘All righty, then.’ Tapping his gold-plated pen on the pad, he gets down to business. ‘The first thing we need to do is get in front of a judge and get a home study ordered. I assume you plan to move him to California? If so, we’ll need to get an ICPC to coordinate the case between Los Angeles County and theState of Texas.’ He scrawls his lawyer chicken-scratch across a legal pad, plotting our plan of attack, I assume. ‘It’ll be up to the judge whether the adoption takes place here in Texas or is transferred to a California court …’
‘Adoption?’ I throw some incredulity of my own at him. ‘But I’m his mother. Can’t I just … have him back?’
Norman stares down at the pad and underlines a couple of things, rubbing one thick finger back and forth on his forehead as if he’s trying to buff away the premature creases this conversation will leave there. The silence stretches until, at last, he clears his throat. ‘Brooke, River is in foster care. The State of Texas holds guardianship over him. There are specific procedures in place to make sure what’s done now is in the best interest of the child.’
‘But I’m his mother,’ I whisper, repeating myself, the guilt swallowing me up like quicksand. I can barely breathe.
‘Technically, Brooke, you aren’t.’
This statement slaps me in the face, stealing the remainder of my breath. I feel my mouth fall open and watch Norman’s brows draw together in contrition, his lips tightening. He’s given me the blunt truth, and as much as I appreciate him doing so, I didn’t anticipate this answer.
‘How long? How long until I can have him?’ A tremor runs through my entire body, starting at my neck and shooting painfully to the tips of my fingers and toes. ‘Or are you telling me I can’t – I can’t get him back?’
Norman’s rueful expression blurs while the rest of the room swims. ‘Brooke, you gave him up when he was born because you believed that to be in his best interest.’
I seal my shuddering lips together. I gave him up because I didn’t want him. I didn’t even want to hold him before I gave him away. My relinquishment was no selfless act on my part – I just wanted my life back.
‘The court will take that into consideration,’ he continues. Overriding my buzzing thoughts, his voice is tinny, as though his words echo through a can. ‘Best-case scenario, we’re looking at four or five months –’
‘Four or five
months
?’
My words resound and twang and I don’t care who hears or how I sound. ‘I can’t leave him in that dirty, flea-infested place for
months
! I can’t just go back home and leave him here like I did last time!’
Like explosives detonating a dam, something cracks inside my chest and to my utter horror, I’m bawling.
Norman stands and sits, twice, finally seizing a box of tissues from his tidy cupboard and thrusting it at me as Kathryn bursts into the room, dropping into the chair next to me and pulling me to her shoulder. ‘Honey, you aren’t abandoning him. We’re starting a process here. Look – we want them to be meticulous. We want them to be careful. We don’t know if there are grandparents who want him, or aunts or uncles who’ve already started this process. Maybe he’s weeks or days away from a new home.’
She knew. That’s why she insisted on coming along today, and why she installed herself in a chair right outside the office door. That’s why she was so restrained this morning on the drive from the hotel, venturing no opinions about what Norman might say. She already knew, or at least suspected.
‘You want what’s best for him, right?’ she asks.
I nod and bury my face against her like I had as a child. How many times had I come to her when my own parents failed me? She’d kept me sane when no one else cared what I thought, felt or wanted. But if River has grandparents or aunts or uncles, where the hell were
Similar Books
