Read Online Here to Stay by Suanne Laqueur - Free Book Online

and pass out in relief at the same time.
    I missed him.
    “Dude…” Will sat back, rubbing his forehead. “That sucks. I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.”
    Erik started to shrug it off. But this was the new him. He worked through the impulse to dismiss and held still. Took a taste of sympathy. Let the idea of sterility sit down next to him and properly introduce itself. He looked at Will as a father of two. Two and a half. An extension of his blood and his name. A manifestation of his and Lucky’s love. A legacy. The most elemental part of being a human being.
    As he thought, Erik felt the links of the gold chain around his neck. The necklace had been handed down through generations of Fiskare men. Eldest son to eldest son. But Erik was the end of the line. A branch of the tree that might not bear fruit. If he died with no son, he’d leave the necklace to his nephew Aaron.
    Which ought to have consoled him but didn’t.
    It kind of sucked.
    And it hurt.
    “Believe it or not, I think I’m taking it in for the first time,” he said.
    Will nodded. “Holy fuck, you really did shut down.”
    “Yeah.”
    “Maybe… This is probably the shaman in me talking, but maybe you were so good at shutting down, you shut down on a cellular level.”
    Erik looked across at Will, met his eyes and held on tight. “I could get behind that.”
    “What was Dais’ reaction when you told her?”
    Erik swallowed. “I haven’t yet. I’m kind of paralyzed between it’s too soon and it’s too important.”
    Will checked his watch. “Yeah, give it a few more hours. You just met.”
    They laughed into their beers. “When,” Erik said, “I mean, if Dais and I ever get to that point—”
    “You will.”
    He blew out a sigh. “I can’t look that far. I’m still learning how to feel what I feel as I’m feeling it. All I know is it’s going to matter.”
    Will nodded. “I’m really sorry. I have no reference point.”
    “When I called Daisy on Thanksgiving? She made a crack about how you’d sneeze and Lucky would be knocked up.”
    Will smiled, rolling his eyes as if embarrassed at the virile feat. They pushed aside their drinks and silverware as the waitress set a strip steak in front of each of them, arranged dishes of creamed spinach and sautéed mushrooms. “Bon appétit,” she said.
    Will speared a mushroom and ate it. “When I said ‘you will’ before? I meant you will get to that point. Or at least to that conversation. She wants a family. It’s why her last relationship fell apart.”
    “Ray?”
    “Oh, you know about Ray?”
    “I know she was with him a few years and it was pretty serious.” He took a bite of steak. The charred, peppered sear gave way into melting pink goodness, forcing a small grunt of pleasure from his chest.
    “It was definitely the happiest I’d seen Dais since college. And Ray was a great guy. I got nothing bad to say about him. But…” Will took a bite of his own and closed his eyes. “Jesus, that’s good. Sorry, what was I saying?”
    “Nothing bad to say about Ray, but.”
    “Right. It actually feels good to talk about this because Lucky and I were all smiles to Daisy’s face and then we’d lie in bed at night and moan about it. Think she’ll marry him? Why wouldn’t she? She should. He’s great to her. Yeah, but if they get married, it’ll be the end.”
    “The end?”
    “That’s how we felt—if she married him it wouldn’t be the beginning of a beautiful life but the end of some crazy little dream we had that you’d come back.”
    Their meals were demanding attention and talk died away while they ate. The food was outstanding. Erik kept closing his eyes in appreciation, his stomach yearning like a dog who wanted the belly rub to go on forever.
    “Ray was older than her,” Erik said.
    “By like fifteen years. He was in a totally different place. He’d gotten married young, had his kids while still practically a teenager. He was about to become a