Read Online Hardcore Twenty-Four by Janet Evanovich - Free Book Online

kidneys.”
    â€œGood thing it’s not a gonad then.”
    â€œYou bet your ass,” Lula said.
    I turned onto State Street. “Johnny Chucci and Zero Slick are in the wind. Pick your poison,” I said. “Who’s first on our list?”
    â€œI got a real interest in Zero Slick. He looks like an unpleasant chubby little nerd, but he picked himself an excellent name. He’s like an enigma, right?”
    I thought he was more loser than enigma but hell, who am I to judge.
    â€œWe haven’t got much to go on with him,” I said. “He doesn’t have an address, but he seems to have a neighborhood. I guess we could ride around the building he blew up and see if we get lucky.”
    I was a block away when Connie called me.
    â€œI’m listening to the police band, and a call just came in about a boa spotted on the three hundred block of Pilkman Street,” Connie said. “Pilkman backs up to the patch of woods by Diggery’s double-wide. If you hurry you could get there ahead of animal control.”
    I made an instant U-turn. “I’m on it.”
    â€œI’m not on it,” Lula said. “I’m not in favor of this. Suppose it’s Ethel? Then what? You gonna escort her into your Mercedes and put a seatbelt on her? You gonna talk her into turning around and following you through zombie country, back to Diggery’s place?”
    â€œI’ll think of something.”
    â€œWe don’t even have any snake-catching equipment with us. We don’t have one of those loop things you see on the nature channel. We don’t have no rats or chickens or roadkill to feed it. We don’t got a snake cage. I don’t even know what a snake cage looks like. The snakes at the zoo are behind glass.”
    â€œI’ll stun-gun her.”
    â€œSay what?”
    â€œI’ll zap Ethel with my stun gun, load her into the back of the SUV, and take her home to Diggery’s double-wide.”
    â€œAre you nuts?”
    â€œIt could work.”
    â€œWhat about salmonella?” Lula said. “You could get salmonella from touching a snake.”
    â€œI have hand sanitizer in my messenger bag.”

SEVEN
    LULA WAS ON the alert when I turned onto Pilkman.
    â€œThere’s three women standing on the sidewalk on the next block,” she said. “I’m guessing they’re snake watching.”
    I parked near the women, and Lula and I got out. A huge snake was curled up on a patch of grass that served as front yard to a modest bungalow.
    â€œWhat do you think?” I asked Lula. “Is that Ethel?”
    â€œHard to tell,” Lula said. “Last I saw her she was draped in a tree.”
    â€œIt’s a boa,” one of the women said. “We looked it up.”
    â€œHave you ever seen this snake around here before?” I asked her. “Does anyone in this neighborhood own a snake?”
    Everyone shook their head. No one had seen the snake before today.
    â€œHey! Ethel!” Lula shouted at the snake.
    We all took a step closer and looked to see if there was any response.
    â€œIt opened an eye,” Lula said. “That’s Ethel all right.”
    â€œIs Ethel your snake?” the woman asked.
    â€œShe belongs to someone we know,” Lula said. “And Stephanie here is responsible for bringing her home.”
    â€œIt’s an awfully big snake,” one of the other women said.
    â€œYeah, but Stephanie’s got a plan,” Lula said. “She’s gonna load Ethel into the back of her car. I know that Mercedes looks like a luxury vehicle, but it’s got some muscle, and if we keep Ethel all curled up, we’re pretty sure she’ll fit.”
    My heart was beating with a sickening
thud
. I was terrified of Ethel. And I was repulsed at the thought of touching her.
    Okay, I told myself. Attitude adjustment needed. She’s a pet. She’s had a big adventure, and