Read Online Gorilla Beach by Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi - Free Book Online

Stepping back, she appraised her look in the full-length mirror. Simple yet slammin’.
    One problem, though. Gia hadn’t gone tanning in a week. Her skin was barely darker than a paper grocery bag. She’d planned on getting a custom full-body myst at Tantastic. Biting back a sob, Gia mourned losing a full summer of free tanning. She’d have to find a new salon. But in the meantime, she’d tide herself over with a bronzer blast.
    Closing her eyes and pressing her lips closed, Gia held the tan-in-a-can spray bottle twelve inches from the tip of her nose and pressed the nozzle.
    Nothing happened.
    Friggin’ thing. She pressed harder.
    The nozzle broke off under her thumb, and the aerosol erupted, coating the cinder-block ceiling with creamy foam. It looked as if the wall were sweating cappuccino. The brown splatter rained onto the floor. Should she clean up? More to the point, like, how ? With a wad of toilet paper, she dabbed, but that was like trying to soak up the Atlantic Ocean with a tampon.
    Fuck it, she decided. She was too hungover and hungry to deal. She’d clean up later. Or, maybe, if she ignored it hard enough, the mess would disappear. Ten minutes later, she sat down at a table at the diner. She waited for someone to take her order.
    And waited.
    Finally, a server noticed her. “Breakfast’s over. We reopen for lunch in an hour.”
    Starving and disappointed, Gia walked out, dragging herHello Kitty purse on the sidewalk, feeling as if she were cursed. Honestly? From the minute they arrived in Seaside, their luck had been all bad. Was destiny trying to tell her something? Gia refused to believe that.
    â€œI’m a good person,” she said to herself. “I deserve to have a good time.”
    Commitment to fun affirmed, Gia went to a food stand and bought a box of fries and a strawberry daiquiri in a plastic cup. The sun was strong. Gia would go old school—dawn-of-time old—and lie out under the sun for a tan. She headed for the beach entry ramp with her goodies.
    A kid in a ramp booth stopped her. “Badge.”
    â€œI left it in my room,” she said.
    â€œNo badge, no beach.”
    Hating to sound like a name-dropping douche bag, Gia went for it anyway. “Do you know Rick Shapiro? The head lifeguard in the Seaside Heights Beach Patrol? He’s a really good friend of mine.”
    â€œThen you know he’s spending the summer in Alaska.”
    Shit. “I did know that. And he told me to tell anyone to let me on the beach until he got back.”
    â€œI’ll vouch for her,” said a familiar voice.
    Gia cringed. Destiny was kicking her ass today. It was almost cruel.
    Seaside Heights was pretty freakin’ small, even at peak summer season. Spend an hour on the boardwalk or the beach, you’d run into just about everyone in town, including the police. Captain Morgan, officer of the law, looked pretty much the same as last summer. “You grew your mustache back,” she said. “Looks Hitlerish.”
    â€œI had a nightmare last night that the entire town burned to the ground. I woke up in a cold sweat, and I thought, ‘Pink Slippers must be back in town.’”
    He called her Pink Slippers. Long, cute story. “I promise I’m not gonna destroy Seaside this year,” she said. “I mean, I’m totally gonna destroy it. But I won’t damage private property. I hope.” Last summer, she’d burned down a house. By accident!
    â€œStanley Crumbi told me he parked you and your cousin in a fireproof building on Hancock.”
    Stanley, that scumbag! “Yeah, he’s a real sweetheart.”
    â€œI’d tell you to stay out of trouble, but we both know that’s the impossible dream. I’ll be keeping my eye on you. No alcohol on the beach.”
    Captain Morgan ambled away. The kid in the booth smirked at her.
    Oh, God damn it. Now she had a foul taste in her mouth. She