family. With
the years ticking away, seemed as though he wasn’t going to have a family at
all. Probably better off considering his home life growing up. “Not everyone
finds happily ever after.”
“A few years ago I would have agreed with you.” Alex swept
away the mugs, slipping behind the counter for a refill. “You never know what
you’re going to find until you actually put yourself out there and discover
what it is you want. In your case you know what you want but you’re afraid to
go after it.”
“Because it’s not worth it.”
“In whose eyes?”
Dade blinked. “Damn, Conners, she’s done a number on you,
hasn’t she? Turned you into some kind a hopeless romantic who feels the need to
spread his thoughts on love far and wide.”
“Loving Elena was easy. It came as naturally to me as
breathing. Getting her to see it was okay to love me in return was another
matter entirely. I fought for her, Dade. I wanted her that much, loved her that
much, I was willing to not have her at all. As long as she understood how much
she meant to me. You’re not even giving yourself a chance. Not even bothering
to try because it’s easier to dismiss your feelings since you’re so thoroughly
convinced you don’t deserve to be happy. Like you’re happy sabotaging
yourself.”
“Did you guys pass around some kind of memo about me? First
Beth. Now you.” He tossed his hands up in the air. “Like the whole fucking
world knows.”
“I’d bet most of us who are close to you know because we
know you. My guess is that somewhere deep down inside, they know too. You just
need to know yourself.” Alex handed Dade a mug filled with fresh coffee. “I
gotta get back up there and help do the prep work for the lunch rush. You
wanted your ass handed to you some more, give me a call.”
Dade watched Alex slip back into the groove of serving
coffee. Everything Alex had said made sense. He’d told himself most of those
very same things over and over. Falling in love from afar wasn’t a good idea to
begin with, but yet, he’d gone and done it anyway. He’d tried to turn off his
feelings and sever the connection. Mostly because he knew how wrong it was. But
it seemed as though the harder he worked to block the couple out, the more
prevalent they became in his life.
Like moving in with them.
How in the hell had he ever thought the arrangement was a
good idea?
He knew himself, damn it. Knew better than Alex indicated.
He’d watched his parents’ marriage slowly crumble because of
doubts and fears. Of missed opportunities and other priorities. Careers that
had taken precedence. He’d been left to pick up the pieces with his brothers.
And he was determined not to repeat the same mistake. Nor force his fear on
others who deserved better.
The easiest thing to do would be admit he’d made a mistake,
apologize for the inconvenience and move out. He’d live in the dilapidated barn
at the ranch if necessary. Roll out a sleeping bag in one of the stalls and
cuddle up with the barn mice. Sleeping in piles of petrified horseshit sounded
far more appealing than spending one more night at the Fitzgerald’s house.
* * * * *
Genevieve gazed at the stars as she walked up the driveway.
This was one of the things she loved most about living so far away from a major
city. In Boston she would have never been able to see this kind of light
display twinkling overhead.
She side stepped around Tony’s car, noting Dade had pulled
his bike up against the garage door. Probably to protect it from the spring
showers in tomorrow’s forecast. She’d have to mention something to him about
parking his Harley in the garage. Cleaner and easier in there.
That was, if she ever saw him.
Since he’d moved in last week, she hadn’t spent enough time
around the house to even see their guest. She’d stayed tonight to do extra prep
work for the morning shift, so maybe she could make breakfast. Maybe she could
even send an email to the others and
the years ticking away, seemed as though he wasn’t going to have a family at
all. Probably better off considering his home life growing up. “Not everyone
finds happily ever after.”
“A few years ago I would have agreed with you.” Alex swept
away the mugs, slipping behind the counter for a refill. “You never know what
you’re going to find until you actually put yourself out there and discover
what it is you want. In your case you know what you want but you’re afraid to
go after it.”
“Because it’s not worth it.”
“In whose eyes?”
Dade blinked. “Damn, Conners, she’s done a number on you,
hasn’t she? Turned you into some kind a hopeless romantic who feels the need to
spread his thoughts on love far and wide.”
“Loving Elena was easy. It came as naturally to me as
breathing. Getting her to see it was okay to love me in return was another
matter entirely. I fought for her, Dade. I wanted her that much, loved her that
much, I was willing to not have her at all. As long as she understood how much
she meant to me. You’re not even giving yourself a chance. Not even bothering
to try because it’s easier to dismiss your feelings since you’re so thoroughly
convinced you don’t deserve to be happy. Like you’re happy sabotaging
yourself.”
“Did you guys pass around some kind of memo about me? First
Beth. Now you.” He tossed his hands up in the air. “Like the whole fucking
world knows.”
“I’d bet most of us who are close to you know because we
know you. My guess is that somewhere deep down inside, they know too. You just
need to know yourself.” Alex handed Dade a mug filled with fresh coffee. “I
gotta get back up there and help do the prep work for the lunch rush. You
wanted your ass handed to you some more, give me a call.”
Dade watched Alex slip back into the groove of serving
coffee. Everything Alex had said made sense. He’d told himself most of those
very same things over and over. Falling in love from afar wasn’t a good idea to
begin with, but yet, he’d gone and done it anyway. He’d tried to turn off his
feelings and sever the connection. Mostly because he knew how wrong it was. But
it seemed as though the harder he worked to block the couple out, the more
prevalent they became in his life.
Like moving in with them.
How in the hell had he ever thought the arrangement was a
good idea?
He knew himself, damn it. Knew better than Alex indicated.
He’d watched his parents’ marriage slowly crumble because of
doubts and fears. Of missed opportunities and other priorities. Careers that
had taken precedence. He’d been left to pick up the pieces with his brothers.
And he was determined not to repeat the same mistake. Nor force his fear on
others who deserved better.
The easiest thing to do would be admit he’d made a mistake,
apologize for the inconvenience and move out. He’d live in the dilapidated barn
at the ranch if necessary. Roll out a sleeping bag in one of the stalls and
cuddle up with the barn mice. Sleeping in piles of petrified horseshit sounded
far more appealing than spending one more night at the Fitzgerald’s house.
* * * * *
Genevieve gazed at the stars as she walked up the driveway.
This was one of the things she loved most about living so far away from a major
city. In Boston she would have never been able to see this kind of light
display twinkling overhead.
She side stepped around Tony’s car, noting Dade had pulled
his bike up against the garage door. Probably to protect it from the spring
showers in tomorrow’s forecast. She’d have to mention something to him about
parking his Harley in the garage. Cleaner and easier in there.
That was, if she ever saw him.
Since he’d moved in last week, she hadn’t spent enough time
around the house to even see their guest. She’d stayed tonight to do extra prep
work for the morning shift, so maybe she could make breakfast. Maybe she could
even send an email to the others and
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