Read Online Girls in Tears by Jacqueline Wilson - Free Book Online

scared of all kinds of things. He says if we ever met he’d probably be struck dumb and unable to think of a thing to say.”
    “You’re not
going
to meet him, are you?” I ask, alarm bells ringing.
    “No, no, of course not,” Nadine says quickly. “Don’t look so worried, Ellie, He’s lovely, he really is. Look, I’ll show you.”
    She switches her computer back on and finds me some of his early messages. And he does sound lovely. He chats for ages about
Xanadu
and what fantasy means to him and how he’s read
The Lord of the
Rings
five whole times but it’s such a
boy
book, and how
Xanadu
is great because it’s all about girls and he loves girls. He goes on about how he’d always had this dream girl in his head from when he was about twelve, a strange, shy gothic girl he could share everything with. He doesn’t want to be forward or rush things but he feels Nadine is the girl, only better, because she’s so beautiful, much prettier than the actress who plays Xanadu in the TV series. . . .
    “Then he goes into some really personal stuff. I’m not showing you, Ellie. I haven’t even shown Magda some of it.”
    “Oh come
on,
Nad, please!”
    So she shows me. I read it, my heart thumping. There’s a part of me that still thinks this is crazy. There’s a complete stranger writing all sorts of intimate things to Nadine when she’s only fourteen, for God’s sake. But he
does
write beautifully. It’s not sleazy at all, it’s tender and exciting and romantic. It’s the sort of things I wish wish wish Russell would say to me.

when their boyfriends don’t understand
    Oh, Ellie, I love you.”
    Kisses.
    “Oh, Ellie, I love you.”
    More kisses.
    “Oh, Ellie, I love you. Please.”
    More than kisses.
    “Oh, Ellie, I love you. Please, please, please.” Struggles. Sulks. Another kiss. Sometimes it’s a kiss goodnight. Sometimes we start the whole routine all over again. It’s starting to get a bit . . . boring.
    No it’s not! What’s the matter with me? I
love
Russell. He’s the only boy in the world for me. I wear his ring all the time. It’s just that we’ve got into this same little routine every time we see each other. Russell always always always says the same things.
    I can’t help wishing he’d be as inventive as Nadine’s Ellis. I make up an entire alternative scenario in my head, with Russell saying and indeed doing the most delightful and unexpected things. Our own undignified little snogging sessions seem so pathetic by comparison. No, not
pathetic
. There I go again, picking holes, being so fussy. It’s not as if
I’m
all that great at being romantic and making things wonderful for Russell. There’s one thing he keeps begging me to do and I
nearly
do it, but then I can’t help getting a fit of the giggles. Russell gets really annoyed with me, which only makes me splutter more.
    “Do you always have to be so giggly, Ellie?” he asks, exasperated.
    “Well, I’m a girl. All girls giggle. It goes with the territory.”
    “Yeah, but some girls know when it’s appropriate to be a bit
serious,
” says Russell.
    “Then why don’t you go off with some of these girls, then?” I say, starting to get in a huff.
    “You know you’re the only girl in the whole world for me,” Russell says.
    I calm down and kiss him lovingly. He can still be so sweet a lot of the time. It’s just that I wish he wasn’t
always
trying to push me into doing stuff I don’t want to. Well, sometimes I want to do it as much as him, of course I do, but I don’t somehow feel
ready
for that kind of relationship.
    “Jeff’s girlfriend, Julie, lets him. And Jamie and Big Mac have done it with heaps of girls.”
    “So they say,” I sigh irritably. “Do you discuss
our
love life with all your mates in Year Eleven?”
    “No!” says Russell, though he’s gone a little pink. “Anyway, I know for a fact you tell Magda and Nadine everything so don’t be such a hypocrite.”
    “I don’t tell them. Well,