Read Online Getting Married by Theresa Alan - Free Book Online Page A

that’s what you get when you put a career before family.”

    I know Lisa is the one being the bitch here, but I feel judged by her. And even though I know that when people judge other people it’s just because they’re not happy with themselves, I start feeling anxious and uncomfortable.

    “Can you excuse me for just a moment?” I say.

    I make a hasty retreat into Jon and Rachel’s house to their bathroom. I lock the door and sit on the closed toilet seat and try to steady my breathing. Why do I let people get to me like this? I lock myself in the bathroom because some judgmental stranger looks at me funny?

    Retreating is how I’ve “dealt”—which is to say not dealt—with every unpleasant thing that’s happened in my life. When my parents got divorced, I didn’t cry, or talk about how I felt, I just became withdrawn and sullen and lived my life in an emotional fog. When my senior math class suddenly got hard, I just gave up. I didn’t need the class for college, so I failed every test the rest of the semester, squeaking by with a D, thanks to some initial strong test scores at the beginning of the term. Is that how I’ll deal with things if Will and I get married and things start to get a little tough? I’ll just give up, retreat into a silent trance?

    I stay in the bathroom for several minutes, just trying to get my breathing and heartbeat back to normal. Every fiber in my body just wants to run out the front door, drive home, and dive into bed, pulling the covers tight over my head. I finally force myself to go back outside when I realize I’ve spent far too long away from the party.

    Will has returned with the beers, and happily Evil Bitch Woman Lisa has moved on. Will, Gabrielle, and I start talking about this movie we heard was good and haven’t seen yet, and I look over and see Jon talking to a male friend of his. Rachel is talking to another male friend of theirs across the lawn. The thing about how she’s talking to him is that it’s a definitely flirty kind of chitchat. Extra enthusiastic laughter, eyes lowered and then raised with lashes aflutter, the occasional touch of her hand on his arm. I excuse myself from Will and Gabrielle, and sidle up next to Rachel.

    “Hey, Rach, how’s it going?”

    “Eva! Eva, you remember Shane, don’t you?”

    “You look familiar, yeah.”

    “I think we met at the house-painting party,” Shane says.

    “I think he means the hours-of-back-breaking-labor-in-exchange-for-some-beer-and-chips party,” Rachel says, and the two of them howl with laughter. What the hell is going on here? Doesn’t Rachel know she’s the one married role model I have in this world? Rachel has never given me any delusions that marriage is easy, but she and Jon have gone through a lot of hard times and managed to stick it out, and I really admire that about them, so I strongly feel that she shouldn’t be flirting with another man, for my sake if nothing else. I need role models, for heaven’s sake!

    I stand and talk with them for a few more minutes, but I’m so uncomfortable with their unrestrained flirting I can’t take it anymore and I return to Will and Gabrielle. Will, Gabrielle, and I make our move on the buffet table and help ourselves to the fattening barbeque and potato salad type foods. As I eat, I watch Rachel’s interaction with Jon and her interaction with Shane. Whenever she’s around Jon, she becomes stilted and tight, and whenever she’s around Shane, she’s flirty and loud and full of laughter.

    After awhile, I notice that Rachel is by herself, filling her plate at the buffet table. I put my paper plate down and approach her.

    “Hey, Rach, is everything okay?”

    “What do you mean?”

    “I mean did you have a fight with Jon or something?”

    She nods.

    “What happened?”

    “It’s stupid…but he said he’d help me get ready for the party today, and instead he spent the entire day at Home Depot buying stuff to build shelves in the