Read Online GAY REALITY : THE TEAM GUIDO STORY by John Chaffetz - Free Book Online

really cared that much about me, about us. But my parents wouldn’t budge. Val wanted me to run off with him, but I refused. I couldn’t. My parents were accepting, but not warm, that I broke off from Val. The reality was that I wouldn’t talk to them about my feelings.
    “So in high school I dated a very strong Baptist girl. That made sure that sex wasn’t a factor.”
    “No more guys after Val?”, I asked.
    “Oh no, in Junior College I met my future wife. She and her parents weren’t the warmest people around, but her dad took to me and taught me to fish, play golf and lots of things.”
    He pauses, obviously recollecting.
    “I fell in love with her parents every bit as much as with her. I loved all three of them so much!”
    He anticipates my next question, but I ask it anyway. “And sex, after Val, with a female?”
    “I was very much sexually attracted to her. Sex was good with her. I wanted a close friend, someone to be close to. Children were not a motivation to me, but she really was motivated toward having children and being a wife. She really craved social acceptance and it all felt very comfortable to me, except for one time.
    “Now it seems silly, but my biggest fear, and it was very real, was that at my wedding, during the ceremony, someone would stand up and say, ‘Hey! He’s a faggot!’ It was troubling.”
    Prior to this meeting I had become aware that Cole Wiley had achieved enormous success in the high tech world. A talented leader, polished executive, without a financial concern for multiple lifetimes. But here, across from me, he sits pouring it out, the emotional roller coaster that plainly was his life as a “heterosexual”.
    “I absolutely had no homosexual contacts, none, from the breakup with Val until after my divorce. I was married for 19 years, so for a total of 25 years I was straight. I never shared anything to do with homosexuality with my wife—ever!
    “Male pornography and videos were my release during all those years. My wife had no idea—none. During the 25 years, I denied myself. I had made a commitment and I had too much to lose. It was there, but I kept my mask on. And, I never cheated with women either.”
    “Are you at all attracted to women?”
    “I still find beautiful women attractive, but I don’t want to jump in the sack with them.”
    “And your divorce?”, I asked.
    “My divorce was 105% the result of my homosexuality. My wife was more focused on children and marriage than on me. I held back about my past. If I’d had a different wife I might still be married, or I might have been divorced sooner.
    “Near the end I was really getting depressed.”

SUICIDE?  
    COLE WILEY is edgy as he continues. How many times, if ever, has he recounted his deepest feelings, emotions, and vivid recollections?
    “During the marriage I worked all the time. It was a great escape mechanism and, at the same time, I also abused alcohol.
    “Just before Christmas, in 1985, we were living in Mission Beach. My wife had been buying and buying Christmas gifts, as she always did. She was downstairs bitching to her mother about how little I helped her. I could hear it all from upstairs and suddenly I felt really suicidal. I thought about it for a while, but I didn’t want to hurt the kids.
    “I’d stayed on ten years past what I should have. I decided to do things I really wanted to do and then, if that didn’t work, I’d commit suicide. I really wanted to live the gay lifestyle, but I didn’t know how to do it.
    “Two weeks later, in Rome on business, I met this guy. He had long, wavy hair and was very attractive. We went back to the hotel, one thing led to another and we had sex.
    “The flood gates opened up, it was wonderful! But now what do I do?
    “Right after I got home we left for a Caribbean cruise with some other couples. My wife always wanted to have sex when we were away from home, but I couldn’t get it up and we never had sex again!
    “She even tried to