Read Online Fungus of the Heart by Jeremy C. Shipp - Free Book Online
Authors: Jeremy C. Shipp
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a coincidence that my mission required six mushrooms and the last stew I cooked for you also required six mushrooms.
I’m sorry, Cailin.
I called you an Imposter, but you only wanted to help me.
“Nightingale,” you say, behind me.
But no, you’re gone. And when I turn around, I see Milena. Only she’s not a phantom like the others.
I reach out and touch her arm. Flesh and blood.
“Why did you leave?” she says.
My head whirls in chaos, but I manage to say, “Cailin.”
“You should’ve told me you were leaving.”
“I’m sorry.”
She removes a smooth teal stone from her pocket. “I know you belong to Cailin, but I want you to have this. Even if you don’t want to give me any part of you in return.”
I take the soulstone and stare in her eyes.
This feels real.
Maybe I couldn’t kill her, after all.
Maybe I didn’t kill any of them.
But the phantoms swarm around me, emphasizing their deaths. So I mouth an apology for my doubt. I killed five Protectors, and maybe the phantoms will forgive me someday, but they’ll never let me forget.
As I surrender a tear for those I murdered, a shadow thought seizes control of my mind.
I didn’t complete Phase Six. And that’s why I didn’t grow into a nightmare. There’s still a chance to save you.
No. You’re dead.
“Are you listening to me?” Milena says, crossing her arms.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “What were you saying?”
“I said I’ll break her out for you. Cailin.”
“You can’t.”
“And who’s going to stop me? The soldiers?”
“You know what I mean. They can’t harm you, so they’ll go after your village instead.”
“I don’t care.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Well, you’re right. But the soldiers capture or kill people just for being strong enough to oppose them. That’s not right. And if they could overpower me, I’d be trapped in the Fortress too, like Cailin. Like so many others. I have the power to free them.”
And of course, she’s right.
And I want to tell her to go ahead.
Because maybe you’re not really dead. Maybe you’re trapped and frightened and alone, waiting for me to rescue you.
But if Milena enters the Fortress, she’ll start a war.
And to win, she’ll have to kill thousands of human beings. And maybe she’ll convince herself that she’s fighting for love, but she’ll lose her soul, the way I lost mine.
And maybe I don’t know what love means anymore.
But I’m going to do everything in my power to change back into the man you knew.
So I pocket the soulstone, and say, “Let’s go home. I’ll cook you breakfast.”
And as Milena smiles, I’m that much closer to finding my heart.
Boy in the Cabinet
Live anywhere long enough, and eventually the space becomes a home. And maybe if I keep thinking at you hard enough, someday you’ll become more than a Styrofoam cup. Maybe you’ll sprout a brain, or at least a nerve cluster, and you’ll hear me.
And when that happens, you won’t confuse me or disagree with me all the time. You’ll be an ideal companion, unlike a certain creature I know.
Speak of the feline devil. The Death Cat won’t stop scratching the wood until I open the door, so I obey her command. “What do you want?”
Holly hacks up a ball of carnage onto the table. “Happy birthday, Boy.”
“It’s not my birthday.”
“Yes, it is. I have a seventh sense for these things.”
So I study the notches on the cabinet wall. Holly’s right. Today’s the anniversary of my life. Not to mention my mother’s death and my father’s transformation.
Trembling, I almost drop my mason jar filled with tears. “I told you last year. I don’t celebrate birthdays.”
“Well, I do.” With her claws, the cat sifts through the wad of hair and clothes. “Here we go.”
My eyes widen.
Holly licks the permanent marker clean, then sets the gift on my palms.
“You stole this from someone,” I say. “Didn’t you?”
The Death Cat washes her face with a
I’m sorry, Cailin.
I called you an Imposter, but you only wanted to help me.
“Nightingale,” you say, behind me.
But no, you’re gone. And when I turn around, I see Milena. Only she’s not a phantom like the others.
I reach out and touch her arm. Flesh and blood.
“Why did you leave?” she says.
My head whirls in chaos, but I manage to say, “Cailin.”
“You should’ve told me you were leaving.”
“I’m sorry.”
She removes a smooth teal stone from her pocket. “I know you belong to Cailin, but I want you to have this. Even if you don’t want to give me any part of you in return.”
I take the soulstone and stare in her eyes.
This feels real.
Maybe I couldn’t kill her, after all.
Maybe I didn’t kill any of them.
But the phantoms swarm around me, emphasizing their deaths. So I mouth an apology for my doubt. I killed five Protectors, and maybe the phantoms will forgive me someday, but they’ll never let me forget.
As I surrender a tear for those I murdered, a shadow thought seizes control of my mind.
I didn’t complete Phase Six. And that’s why I didn’t grow into a nightmare. There’s still a chance to save you.
No. You’re dead.
“Are you listening to me?” Milena says, crossing her arms.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “What were you saying?”
“I said I’ll break her out for you. Cailin.”
“You can’t.”
“And who’s going to stop me? The soldiers?”
“You know what I mean. They can’t harm you, so they’ll go after your village instead.”
“I don’t care.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“Well, you’re right. But the soldiers capture or kill people just for being strong enough to oppose them. That’s not right. And if they could overpower me, I’d be trapped in the Fortress too, like Cailin. Like so many others. I have the power to free them.”
And of course, she’s right.
And I want to tell her to go ahead.
Because maybe you’re not really dead. Maybe you’re trapped and frightened and alone, waiting for me to rescue you.
But if Milena enters the Fortress, she’ll start a war.
And to win, she’ll have to kill thousands of human beings. And maybe she’ll convince herself that she’s fighting for love, but she’ll lose her soul, the way I lost mine.
And maybe I don’t know what love means anymore.
But I’m going to do everything in my power to change back into the man you knew.
So I pocket the soulstone, and say, “Let’s go home. I’ll cook you breakfast.”
And as Milena smiles, I’m that much closer to finding my heart.
Boy in the Cabinet
Live anywhere long enough, and eventually the space becomes a home. And maybe if I keep thinking at you hard enough, someday you’ll become more than a Styrofoam cup. Maybe you’ll sprout a brain, or at least a nerve cluster, and you’ll hear me.
And when that happens, you won’t confuse me or disagree with me all the time. You’ll be an ideal companion, unlike a certain creature I know.
Speak of the feline devil. The Death Cat won’t stop scratching the wood until I open the door, so I obey her command. “What do you want?”
Holly hacks up a ball of carnage onto the table. “Happy birthday, Boy.”
“It’s not my birthday.”
“Yes, it is. I have a seventh sense for these things.”
So I study the notches on the cabinet wall. Holly’s right. Today’s the anniversary of my life. Not to mention my mother’s death and my father’s transformation.
Trembling, I almost drop my mason jar filled with tears. “I told you last year. I don’t celebrate birthdays.”
“Well, I do.” With her claws, the cat sifts through the wad of hair and clothes. “Here we go.”
My eyes widen.
Holly licks the permanent marker clean, then sets the gift on my palms.
“You stole this from someone,” I say. “Didn’t you?”
The Death Cat washes her face with a
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