Read Online Fungus of the Heart by Jeremy C. Shipp - Free Book Online Page B

leaving here. Every word you say makes me want to throw up.”
    “Then I’ve failed you.”
    “Yes. You have.”
    I slam the door, and my jars clink together. And I hold on to my fury for as long as possible, but the feeling soon dies away. Because in spite of what happened to my mother, I don’t hate Holly. I don’t know how.
    So I create a crack in my door, and find the cat curled up and crying.
    “What’s wrong?” I say.
    “I want to help you,” she says. “But I don’t think I can. I’m sorry.”
    “Sorry? But I thought you can’t feel any empathy.”
    “I never said that.”
    And as the cat continues to weep for me, a haze of faith spreads through my mind and clouds my thoughts.
    Maybe she really cares about me.
    Maybe I need to escape this place.
    “You’re trying to trick me,” I say. “As soon as I leave the cabinet, you’ll eat me.”
    Holly unfurls herself and looks at me with sparkling eyes. “If I was meant to eat you, do you really believe the cabinet could protect you?”
    “Yes.”
    “Just because you feel safe somewhere doesn’t mean you are.”
    I clutch you close to my chest. “I don’t believe you.”
    “I’m afraid your beliefs don’t have the power to shape this aspect of your reality. Sooner or later, death will find you in the cabinet.”
    “How?”
    “I’m not destined to eat you, so I don’t know. Maybe a monster or another Death Cat. Of course, if you survive long enough, your food and water jars will eventually run out.”
    I examine my supply with frantic eyes. “But they’ve never run out before.”
    “Be that as it may, only love can last forever.”
    Once again, the stupid Death Cat’s ravaged my mind beyond recognition. And I can’t seem to think the same thoughts anymore.
    I don’t want to die.
    But if that’s my only choice, I want to die with love in my heart.
    And for the first time in my short life, the cabinet feels too small.
    So I say, “How do I do it? How do I leave the cabinet?”
    “Well,” the cat says. “You step out.”
    The concept seems more than a little ridiculous, but I follow her direction anyway.
    And in an instant, I find myself on the table.
    And I collapse, shaking all over.
    Holly curls up beside me. “I know you feel especially vulnerable, but you’re in just as much danger as you always were.”
    “That’s supposed to make me feel better?” I say.
    “Hmm. Good point. Pet me, and I’ll give you some of my strength.”
    I don’t hesitate.
    And as she purrs, my body warms and tingles.
    “That’s enough,” she says.
    So I remove my hand. “What do I do now?”
    “Move on.”
    I scan the hundreds of exits in the room. “But which door is the right one?”
    “You shouldn’t think that way, Boy. Just pick a door and walk out.”
    “But what if I hate where I end up? I’m not like you. When I leave this place, I won’t be able to return again.”
    “True. But if you become consumed by your power of choice, you’ll never leave.”
    “Will you choose for me?”
    “No.”
    I feel the urge to close myself off again, so I face my cabinet. But instead of climbing inside, I grab a jar of piss and shit.
    And with this weapon in one hand, and my jar of tears in the other, I approach a simple wooden door that reminds me of home.
    Then I face the Death Cat once more.
    I’m not sure if I want to thank her or curse her.
    But in the end, I say, “Thank you, Holly.”
    “You’re welcome,” she says, still too weak to sit up. “I hope you die a wonderful death.”
    “You too.”
    And with that, I touch the doorknob.
    I imagine a life of monsters and misery on the other side, and part of me wants to embrace my fear.
    But this path could lead me to love.
    So I open the door.
    *
    The wide, wide world pulls at me from every direction, and if not for the thorny bush rooting me to the ground, I’m sure I would ascend into the azure abyss above.
    I hate this place already.
    And this place obviously hates me back.
    But a