and had a style and class and flair that drew the attention of the main players in the criminal world.
I acted as Charlie’s personal bodyguard along with ‘Mad Archie’, a streetfighter who had punched in the heads of such men as Brian Kane and others of that ilk. As a gang of young standover men in 1973-1974 we had no equals. I was an 18 stone giant with a total disregard for the so-called king pins of the Melbourne underworld. I wanted to launch an all-out gang street war with the criminal world, and sit Mad Charlie on the throne. It sounded like a teenage criminal dream — but we had the guns and the wise advice of men like Horatio Morris directing me with tactics and targets.
Had Charlie given the go-ahead in 1974, I had a death list and enough M26 hand grenades to knock a giant hole in the Melbourne underworld — a hole big enough for us to walk through. But back then Mad Charlie didn’t fully understand the power and total insanity of the men he had with him. By the time he found out, it was too late for Charlie. He had lost the energy that fuelled him.
Charlie got the nickname ‘The Don’ as the result of a raid on a St Kilda massage parlour in 1974. In Mad Archie’s cherry red GT HO, armed with baseball bats, we cruised off to St Kilda. Charlie in the back seat with his always handy copy of Mario Puzo’s book ‘The Godfather’. Charlie said in jest: ‘Chopper, you can be Luca Brasi; Archie, you can be Paulie Gatto’. He made Garry the Greek his adviser. Then we asked who he was going to be, and he said: ‘I’m the Don, of course’. So, in fits of laughter, off we went to St Kilda with Mad Archie at the wheel. He brought the big GT HO to a screaming halt across the footpath in front of the parlour in question; we ran out like screaming wild Indians and got to the front door . . . but where was Mad Charlie?
We looked around and there was Charlie sitting in the back of the car, reading his beloved ‘Godfather’ book. I went back and opened the door of the car. Charlie got out and said: ‘That’s right, Chopper: never forget the Don’.
‘Never forget the Don!’ indeed. Bloody Mad Charlie was sitting there waiting for me to open the door for him. To this day those close to Charlie still call him ‘the Don’.
We didn’t know it then, but that raid and others like it was the high point in Charlie’s criminal career. Raiding the parlours in the cherry red GT HO started what the papers called the 1974 ‘parlour war’ in the Prahran, Armadale, St Kilda, and Elsternwick areas.
However, five years jail saw Charlie bashed twice in fair fighting at the hands of Frankie Waghorn. Charlie’s failure to revenge it saw him lose face in the criminal world. His failure to back me in the Overcoat Gang war in Pentridge meant that in the world of real blood and guts his name no longer counted. In 1987, I told Charlie I would back him in a war within the underworld that would have put him on top of the heap, but he had lost his guts for true violence, and he declined.
In late 1989, he was shot in the guts in front of his $250,000 South Caulfield home. He’s still alive, but his dreams of underworld glory never reached his teenage fantasies. All he has now are his mafia books and his collection of gangster videos.
But to the underworld kingpins who might laugh at Charlie now . . . in 1974 one word from him could have seen them all dead, and changed the face of the underworld forever. We had the death list, the guns and the insanity to carry it out.
Chapter 7
Ita Buttrose, bloodshed and me
‘The drag queen had a body like Maggie Tabberer and a head like Henry Bolte, topped off with a big pair of silicone tits . . . I hit it over the head with a bucket and bit off its ear’.
ANYONE who knows me well knows I have the words ‘I LOVE ITA BUTTROSE’ tattooed on my bum. The explanation for this is simple enough. All the boys in H Division loved Ita because the only magazines we were allowed there
Jordan Dane
Carrie Harris
Lori Roy
D. J. McIntosh
Loreth Anne White
Katy Birchall
Mellie George
Leslie North
Dyan Sheldon
Terry Pratchett