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Authors: Richard Bowker
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the same old dreary, meaningless platitudes. Where had they all led? He could remember the Disciple Argal asking the question. Had the endless series of Ships increased the happiness or the goodness of the people? Had all the rules and rituals done anything but perpetuate a system that oppressed the planet, that chose to ignore the truth sprouting all around it like buds in springtime?
Tenon had difficulty containing his impatience as they plodded through the Litany of Praise. It had been tolerable when it was just a mindless formality—something your family had done generation after generation, like bowing in thanks to the ground before eating your supper. But now there was something in its place, and each day it seemed harder to mimic the appropriate responses, to act like a devout Numian when he knew that they would put him to death if they found out what he truly believed.
After the Litany more music, and then the Act of Homage—always the worst part. In silence, starting with the youngest, they trudged up—first to Zanla, then to Ergentil—sank to the floor in front of each, and murmured "Alm a Numos." Tenon lived in fear that his unbelief would become so obvious that the Master and the Priestess could not help but recognize it as they gazed down at him.
Tonight he need not have worried. Neither was paying any attention to him, or to any of the rest of the crew. They were acting out their parts as much as he was. How could he give homage to people like this?
Tenon picked himself up, returned to his seat, and waited until the rest were through for the Dismissal.
"May the words and deeds of the Ancients illumine our lives," Ergentil said, and turned to Zanla.
"Well," Zanla said to them, "you've had a tough day I know, and we've all been under a lot of pressure, so I won't keep you long. Just remember that it was the wisdom of people like Ascanth that brought us to where we are today. If we can all strive to have a tenth of his wisdom, we will make the most of our opportunity and prepare for an even more glorious future. All right, you are dismissed."
The lights came up, and Zanla and Ergentil left quickly. "If I hear him say 'an even more glorious future' one more time I think I'll be sick," someone behind Tenon muttered.
They all followed the Master and Priestess out of the oval room and headed down to the refectory.
At dinner the favorite topic of conversation was, as always, Departure. What is the first thing you'll do when you get back? The first meal, the first bath, the first cumoli concert, the first orgy... they would all be heroes when they returned, and for once in their lives all pleasures (within the bounds of Numian propriety) would be accessible to them.
"I'll sit in the front row at the Turquoise Hill and watch the touvon dancers spin their patterns by moonlight. And they'll spin one around me, faster and faster, till the world is just a blur of color and dance...."
"Yes, but first a bath. They say you're allowed to bathe in the marble tubs at the Council Palace, and the bath maidens are the most beautiful in all of Numos...."
"But imagine going home. Just riding into town alone, say, as if nothing had happened, and wandering into the wineshop and laying down a goldpiece..."
"They say the ceremony in the golossi is something, especially if you've been out near the maximum. Imagine what it will be like after this Voyage? Remember when we were leaving, the crowd sitting there in silence—more people than I ever..."
Tenon felt as if he were being suffocated. He nibbled at his food for a while, then excused himself. He could feel Sabbata's gaze on him as he left the room.
She came in to him later, as he lay in darkness in their small cubicle. She turned on a light and sat opposite him, just staring at him for a while. "This is serious," she said finally.
He didn't reply.
"The problem with the retheo —it's us," she went on. "You've locked me out. It's all wrong, all off-center. We have to
Tenon had difficulty containing his impatience as they plodded through the Litany of Praise. It had been tolerable when it was just a mindless formality—something your family had done generation after generation, like bowing in thanks to the ground before eating your supper. But now there was something in its place, and each day it seemed harder to mimic the appropriate responses, to act like a devout Numian when he knew that they would put him to death if they found out what he truly believed.
After the Litany more music, and then the Act of Homage—always the worst part. In silence, starting with the youngest, they trudged up—first to Zanla, then to Ergentil—sank to the floor in front of each, and murmured "Alm a Numos." Tenon lived in fear that his unbelief would become so obvious that the Master and the Priestess could not help but recognize it as they gazed down at him.
Tonight he need not have worried. Neither was paying any attention to him, or to any of the rest of the crew. They were acting out their parts as much as he was. How could he give homage to people like this?
Tenon picked himself up, returned to his seat, and waited until the rest were through for the Dismissal.
"May the words and deeds of the Ancients illumine our lives," Ergentil said, and turned to Zanla.
"Well," Zanla said to them, "you've had a tough day I know, and we've all been under a lot of pressure, so I won't keep you long. Just remember that it was the wisdom of people like Ascanth that brought us to where we are today. If we can all strive to have a tenth of his wisdom, we will make the most of our opportunity and prepare for an even more glorious future. All right, you are dismissed."
The lights came up, and Zanla and Ergentil left quickly. "If I hear him say 'an even more glorious future' one more time I think I'll be sick," someone behind Tenon muttered.
They all followed the Master and Priestess out of the oval room and headed down to the refectory.
At dinner the favorite topic of conversation was, as always, Departure. What is the first thing you'll do when you get back? The first meal, the first bath, the first cumoli concert, the first orgy... they would all be heroes when they returned, and for once in their lives all pleasures (within the bounds of Numian propriety) would be accessible to them.
"I'll sit in the front row at the Turquoise Hill and watch the touvon dancers spin their patterns by moonlight. And they'll spin one around me, faster and faster, till the world is just a blur of color and dance...."
"Yes, but first a bath. They say you're allowed to bathe in the marble tubs at the Council Palace, and the bath maidens are the most beautiful in all of Numos...."
"But imagine going home. Just riding into town alone, say, as if nothing had happened, and wandering into the wineshop and laying down a goldpiece..."
"They say the ceremony in the golossi is something, especially if you've been out near the maximum. Imagine what it will be like after this Voyage? Remember when we were leaving, the crowd sitting there in silence—more people than I ever..."
Tenon felt as if he were being suffocated. He nibbled at his food for a while, then excused himself. He could feel Sabbata's gaze on him as he left the room.
She came in to him later, as he lay in darkness in their small cubicle. She turned on a light and sat opposite him, just staring at him for a while. "This is serious," she said finally.
He didn't reply.
"The problem with the retheo —it's us," she went on. "You've locked me out. It's all wrong, all off-center. We have to
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