going to get around to granting me my licence?
Chapter 14
Next up was extended licensing hours for hotels and from there it got progressively more esoteric: fishery reports, approval for a proposed wind farm, wholesale milk prices, slurry pits, manure management. Manure management indeed. My shoulders drooped and my lips were struggling to maintain an upward curl. The Faughie Council meeting appeared to have entered the fifth dimension; time had slowed to a trickle while the forces of gravity were getting much heavier. Dear God let it end soon.
‘Well that brings us to the end of our agenda items,’ said Betty.
Thank you Jesus.
‘So this might be the time to give you all some very exciting news,’ she continued. ‘Global Imperial has kindly offered us – free of charge - the services of one of their fitness coaches and, right here in this hall, we are going to have our very own …’
At this point Betty beat her forefingers on the table to create a drum roll. ‘First. Ever. Weekly. Genuine …’
She stopped drumming.
‘Zumba class.’
Inaudible crash of cymbals. Gasps of delight from the women. Quizzical expressions from the men.
‘The ladies know what I’m talking about and don’t worry gentlemen, there’s something for everyone. I’ve negotiated a nice little windfall that I think you’re going to love,’ Betty added smugly.
‘What time is the Zumba, Betty?’ asked Mrs Henderson.
‘Don’t worry, Moira, you can make it. Thursday 7 till 8. That’s when most of the ladies in the village can make it.’
Moira gave a big theatrical sigh of relief.
‘May I be the first to congratulate you, Betty, on your procurement of such valuable services,’ said Walter quietly.
‘Thank you, Walter,’ said Betty dismissing him with a gracious nod.
But he wasn’t finished.
‘And may I raise another point of information: the hall is already booked on a Thursday evening with my Scottish history class. This term, as we have a film being made on that very subject, the curriculum will include the Highland Clearances. I will of course give way to the ladies and move it to another night, should that be the wish of the committee.’
‘I’m afraid there isn’t another night, Walter. We’re booked solid with rehearsal space for Global Imperial, I’ve had to suspend the mother and toddler group and even cancel a few pensioner lunches. A Thursday evening’s no use to those groups so I thought we might as well have the benefit of …’
‘In that case, I must insist that my booking stand.’
‘But Walter, you don’t have a booking, there’s nothing in the diary.’
‘Betty, you know fine that Walter runs this class every year,’ said Jenny, trying, and failing, to keep the anger out of her voice.
‘Of course I do, but no booking was formally made and now the slot’s been taken, there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m sorry, Walter, really I am, many of us are making short-term sacrifices for the good of the community.’
‘Which community?’ said Walter, pulling himself unsteadily to his feet. He may have been softly spoken but there was no doubting his indignation. ‘Our community that fundraised for years to build this hall, or the Global Imperial corporate community?’
It wasn’t clear to me if the guttural rumble that had gone around the room was disapproval for Walter’s outburst or Betty’s ruthless scheduling, but the mood of the meeting had turned darker.Betty shook her head sadly. Andy Robertson, superstar DJ and Inverfaughie’s most gallant man, stepped into the fray and threw Betty a lifeline.
‘Betty, you mentioned something about a windfall?’
She grasped it with both hands.
‘Yes! The machair, the cash bonus! Thank you, Andy, I nearly forgot. As you all know, we were all delighted – and jealous,’ she quipped, ‘– when Murdo’s low field was chosen as the spot for one of the large-scale battle sequences in the film. But the film crew have hit a problem
Chapter 14
Next up was extended licensing hours for hotels and from there it got progressively more esoteric: fishery reports, approval for a proposed wind farm, wholesale milk prices, slurry pits, manure management. Manure management indeed. My shoulders drooped and my lips were struggling to maintain an upward curl. The Faughie Council meeting appeared to have entered the fifth dimension; time had slowed to a trickle while the forces of gravity were getting much heavier. Dear God let it end soon.
‘Well that brings us to the end of our agenda items,’ said Betty.
Thank you Jesus.
‘So this might be the time to give you all some very exciting news,’ she continued. ‘Global Imperial has kindly offered us – free of charge - the services of one of their fitness coaches and, right here in this hall, we are going to have our very own …’
At this point Betty beat her forefingers on the table to create a drum roll. ‘First. Ever. Weekly. Genuine …’
She stopped drumming.
‘Zumba class.’
Inaudible crash of cymbals. Gasps of delight from the women. Quizzical expressions from the men.
‘The ladies know what I’m talking about and don’t worry gentlemen, there’s something for everyone. I’ve negotiated a nice little windfall that I think you’re going to love,’ Betty added smugly.
‘What time is the Zumba, Betty?’ asked Mrs Henderson.
‘Don’t worry, Moira, you can make it. Thursday 7 till 8. That’s when most of the ladies in the village can make it.’
Moira gave a big theatrical sigh of relief.
‘May I be the first to congratulate you, Betty, on your procurement of such valuable services,’ said Walter quietly.
‘Thank you, Walter,’ said Betty dismissing him with a gracious nod.
But he wasn’t finished.
‘And may I raise another point of information: the hall is already booked on a Thursday evening with my Scottish history class. This term, as we have a film being made on that very subject, the curriculum will include the Highland Clearances. I will of course give way to the ladies and move it to another night, should that be the wish of the committee.’
‘I’m afraid there isn’t another night, Walter. We’re booked solid with rehearsal space for Global Imperial, I’ve had to suspend the mother and toddler group and even cancel a few pensioner lunches. A Thursday evening’s no use to those groups so I thought we might as well have the benefit of …’
‘In that case, I must insist that my booking stand.’
‘But Walter, you don’t have a booking, there’s nothing in the diary.’
‘Betty, you know fine that Walter runs this class every year,’ said Jenny, trying, and failing, to keep the anger out of her voice.
‘Of course I do, but no booking was formally made and now the slot’s been taken, there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m sorry, Walter, really I am, many of us are making short-term sacrifices for the good of the community.’
‘Which community?’ said Walter, pulling himself unsteadily to his feet. He may have been softly spoken but there was no doubting his indignation. ‘Our community that fundraised for years to build this hall, or the Global Imperial corporate community?’
It wasn’t clear to me if the guttural rumble that had gone around the room was disapproval for Walter’s outburst or Betty’s ruthless scheduling, but the mood of the meeting had turned darker.Betty shook her head sadly. Andy Robertson, superstar DJ and Inverfaughie’s most gallant man, stepped into the fray and threw Betty a lifeline.
‘Betty, you mentioned something about a windfall?’
She grasped it with both hands.
‘Yes! The machair, the cash bonus! Thank you, Andy, I nearly forgot. As you all know, we were all delighted – and jealous,’ she quipped, ‘– when Murdo’s low field was chosen as the spot for one of the large-scale battle sequences in the film. But the film crew have hit a problem
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