weekends Papi goes away, Mami just mopes around the house and makes little comments about how she is going to raise her daughters not to depend on men. She says that in this country we will receive opportunities she never had, and good for us. Abuela MarÃa chuckles at this. âMan proposes and God disposes,â Abuela mutters. I guess that means we can plan and plan, but it is up to God what really happens. If thatâs true, then it makes me not want to do anything. Why try so hard at school? Why work long hours like Papi and TÃo Pablo? Why bother to train with the militia? It doesnât make sense. Thatâs my opinion.
Monday, 20th of November
You wouldnât believe what I saw today when Mami sent me to the pharmacy to buy headache powder. First of all, Mami never ever sends me anywhere alone. She does not let me out of her sight. Even when Ana Mari and I play outside, we must stay in the backyard.So I was surprised that she gave me one dollar and told me to walk to the corner, then turn left, and walk another block to the pharmacy. I know exactly where the pharmacy is, but I listened to her directions to make her feel better. As I was returning home after buying the powder, I saw a blue car with big tires parked at the corner. Inside there were two people, and I was sure one of them was Ileana. So I stopped walking in that direction and hung around the sidewalk to watch. It was hard to see anything, but I inched closer, sticking next to the bushes, just like a spy. (I guess Ileanaâs right about me being a busybody!) From where I stood, I could hear Ileanaâs laughter. She has one of those contagious laughs that tinkle like choir bells. I could also hear voices and see silhouettes moving, but nothing else. I was at a bad angle, and the sun was shining in my eyes.
Because they were taking so long, I began to worry that Mami might wonder why I was delayed. Finally, just as I was deciding to backtrack and cut through an alleyway (which Mami has told me to never do because you donât know what lurks there), Ileana got out of the car. She leaned in through the passenger window and said something, then as she straightenedup she threw her head back, and her hair fell like black waves. She looked like a movie star. Thatâs when she saw me. She turned completely around to face me, and her jaw dropped. Iâm not exaggerating, either. It dropped to the floor. I walked over to greet her, and she still couldnât get any words out of her mouth. I told her I thought she was supposed to take the public bus home after her âsewing clubâ meetings. She didnât reply to that except to ask me if I was going to tell. I said no, I wouldnât, but as we walked home, I asked her to tell me about her boyfriend.
His name is Tommy. He graduates from the high school this year and is planning to go to a town in the middle of this state to study at the university. Iâve never heard of that place, but it is spelled this way: Gainesville. He brings Ileana home every week after her so-called club meeting. (If our parents find out, she will be in big, big trouble.) She says he is very handsome and has blue eyes like that movie star, Paul Newman. He is a head taller than she is, so that means he is taller than Pepito. I donât know what they can possibly talk about since her English is worse than mine, but she insists they understand each other well enough. When she spoke, her voice rang out, likea song. Thatâs how happy she sounded. I told her that she should invite Tommy to visit her at home, properly and with a chaperone, but she shook her head hard. She says Iâm too young to understand.
What is there to understand? If she keeps sneaking around, someoneâs going to catch her. You donât have to be sixteen to figure that out.
Wednesday, 22nd of November
Patricia is not a nice girl. She never seems to have anything good to say about anybody. Today I did not have lunch
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