Read Online Five Things I Can't Live Without by Holly Shumas - Free Book Online
Authors: Holly Shumas
Tags: Young Women, Self-absorbtion
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like ‘lasting connection’? I don’t know if I like this.”
“I can’t even tell if you’re joking.”
“That’s because I don’t know if I’m joking.”
“Please. It’s not a big deal.” I let out a sigh. “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. I was only asking you as a formality.”
“Nice.”
“You know what I mean. I just didn’t think it would matter to you.”
“It’s one thing to lie to some phony in human resources, but it’s another thing to instill false hope in the kind of desperate people who need to hire a matchmaker.”
“Now you’re saying I’m predatory?”
“That has never crossed my mind.” He brushed my cheek with his forefinger. “You tell them whatever you decide is right, okay?”
“Okay.” I decided to take that as an expression of confidence. I would have done what I wanted anyway.
Chapter 5
LARISSA
Age:
32
Height:
5‘4”
Weight:
That’s why there are pictures, silly!
Occupation:
Environmental lawyer for the little guy
About me:
Idealistic. Whimsical. Hardworking, but somehow I always find the time and the energy :). I believe chemistry can be found in unlikely places. And I believe that it’s not whether you fall; it’s how you get back up that counts.
About you:
My kids will be Jewish no matter what you are, so just be well-adjusted, honest, quick to laughter, and basically nonpolluting (you don’t have to bring your own bags to the grocery store with you, but it’s nice). If you’re easy to be around
and love a classic movie, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship.
Five things I can’t live without:
The ocean, caffeine, good company, brown paper bags, and, well, love (there, I said it)
I can’t believe you’re going to be doing the Internet dating thing. That’s my turf,” Larissa said. She lifted books from my shelf and placed them in the box at her feet. It was moving day, and she’d generously offered to help me with last-minute packing.
“Spine-side down,” I directed.
“Really? I’ve always done it the other way.”
“It’s completely counterintuitive, I know, but when I worked in a bookstore, that’s how they did it.” I crossed back to my closet, where I was transferring the hanging clothes to suitcases. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to cut you off.”
“It’s okay. I was just thinking that now you’re going to really see what it’s like out there.”
“Oh, I know what it’s like. I was out there six months ago.”
“But now look at you.”
I surveyed the mostly empty room. “Yeah. Look at me.”
“Did I tell you I’m on a new dating site now? You know, the one I laughed at a few months ago. Well, desperate times, right? It’s the one where they match you based on these exhaustive questionnaires. I filled mine out last night; it was like taking the LSATs again.”
I laughed. “How’d you score?”
“I guess I’ll know soon enough. The site’s going to do the matching for me. Everything’s a science now.”
“How many sites are you on now?”
“This new one brings it to four.”
“That sounds tiring.”
“Not really. I’m old news on three of them, so no one writes to me anyway. The depressing part is that I keep seeing a lot of the same guys, with slight modifications depending on the site. Like, on the sexier site, they add virile flourishes. Of course I tart it up sometimes, too. But it bugs me anyway. I mean, the whole point of being on multiple sites is to get access to new people. If I keep seeing the same ones, it defeats the purpose.”
“But you’re defeating their purpose, too.”
“I know.” She paused. “I have this new bad habit of tracking my ex-boyfriends by their profiles. Remember Jason? He’s on the market again.”
“Tell me you don’t want Jason back.”
“No. I want the schadenfreude. I hate when their profiles disappear because it means they’ve met someone, and I love when they reappear because now
“I can’t even tell if you’re joking.”
“That’s because I don’t know if I’m joking.”
“Please. It’s not a big deal.” I let out a sigh. “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation. I was only asking you as a formality.”
“Nice.”
“You know what I mean. I just didn’t think it would matter to you.”
“It’s one thing to lie to some phony in human resources, but it’s another thing to instill false hope in the kind of desperate people who need to hire a matchmaker.”
“Now you’re saying I’m predatory?”
“That has never crossed my mind.” He brushed my cheek with his forefinger. “You tell them whatever you decide is right, okay?”
“Okay.” I decided to take that as an expression of confidence. I would have done what I wanted anyway.
Chapter 5
LARISSA
Age:
32
Height:
5‘4”
Weight:
That’s why there are pictures, silly!
Occupation:
Environmental lawyer for the little guy
About me:
Idealistic. Whimsical. Hardworking, but somehow I always find the time and the energy :). I believe chemistry can be found in unlikely places. And I believe that it’s not whether you fall; it’s how you get back up that counts.
About you:
My kids will be Jewish no matter what you are, so just be well-adjusted, honest, quick to laughter, and basically nonpolluting (you don’t have to bring your own bags to the grocery store with you, but it’s nice). If you’re easy to be around
and love a classic movie, this could be the start of a beautiful friendship.
Five things I can’t live without:
The ocean, caffeine, good company, brown paper bags, and, well, love (there, I said it)
I can’t believe you’re going to be doing the Internet dating thing. That’s my turf,” Larissa said. She lifted books from my shelf and placed them in the box at her feet. It was moving day, and she’d generously offered to help me with last-minute packing.
“Spine-side down,” I directed.
“Really? I’ve always done it the other way.”
“It’s completely counterintuitive, I know, but when I worked in a bookstore, that’s how they did it.” I crossed back to my closet, where I was transferring the hanging clothes to suitcases. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to cut you off.”
“It’s okay. I was just thinking that now you’re going to really see what it’s like out there.”
“Oh, I know what it’s like. I was out there six months ago.”
“But now look at you.”
I surveyed the mostly empty room. “Yeah. Look at me.”
“Did I tell you I’m on a new dating site now? You know, the one I laughed at a few months ago. Well, desperate times, right? It’s the one where they match you based on these exhaustive questionnaires. I filled mine out last night; it was like taking the LSATs again.”
I laughed. “How’d you score?”
“I guess I’ll know soon enough. The site’s going to do the matching for me. Everything’s a science now.”
“How many sites are you on now?”
“This new one brings it to four.”
“That sounds tiring.”
“Not really. I’m old news on three of them, so no one writes to me anyway. The depressing part is that I keep seeing a lot of the same guys, with slight modifications depending on the site. Like, on the sexier site, they add virile flourishes. Of course I tart it up sometimes, too. But it bugs me anyway. I mean, the whole point of being on multiple sites is to get access to new people. If I keep seeing the same ones, it defeats the purpose.”
“But you’re defeating their purpose, too.”
“I know.” She paused. “I have this new bad habit of tracking my ex-boyfriends by their profiles. Remember Jason? He’s on the market again.”
“Tell me you don’t want Jason back.”
“No. I want the schadenfreude. I hate when their profiles disappear because it means they’ve met someone, and I love when they reappear because now
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