Firstborn

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Authors: Carrigan Fox
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it.”
    She tilted her wine glass toward him in salute.  “As you should be.  Now, back to this discussion of free will…”
    “Right.  I’m merely saying that if you believe in fate, you believe that our entire lives are mapped out for us the moment we are born.  So whenever we are faced with a choice, it’s not really our decision.  Our choice is already pre-destined.”
    “I think that certain aspects of our life are part of our destiny.  But how we go about getting there is up to us.”
    “And the visions you have are always of such significant moments that they must be part of that big picture?”
    She shrugged.  “I never know what role they will play.  Could you concede that it’s possible to have both fate and free will?”
    He took another sip of coffee and sat thoughtfully before answering honestly.  “I think that my biggest problem from all of this stems from the fact that I have made a number of difficult choices in my life.  And I’ve worked my ass off to get where I am today.  I simply cannot believe that my accomplishments are not my own.  Otherwise, what is the point of ambition and drive and work ethic?”
    “But that’s what I’m saying.  Your ambition, drive, and work ethic allowed you to make the decisions that led you to your destiny.  If you had chosen differently, perhaps you wouldn’t have become a psychiatrist until you were fifty.  There is some element of free will that comes into play.”
    He fell silent and seemed unsettled by her argument, so she decided to change the subject.  They discussed sports and television for the rest of the evening and made it to the front of her building without another disagreement.  And while she was hoping for a kiss, he seemed pre-occupied and perhaps even uninterested. 
    “It’s been an interesting evening, Jaclyn.  Thank you.”
    And then he turned and walked to his car.  He drove away without a wave or nod of acknowledgement. 
    “So much for gut instincts,” she said, dropping her hands to her side in disappointment and then using her key to let herself into her apartment.   She knew that he wouldn’t call her for a second date, and that certainty left her feeling a little devastated.
    ***
    Will drove without the usual background noise of his alternative rock radio station.  He kept replaying the conversation, wondering where it had gone wrong.  When he intended to tease, he came off sounding offensive.  When he tried to flirt, he came off sounding accusatory.  He simply couldn’t do anything right.  And yet, through it all, she had been cool and comfortable. 
    He had been kicking himself for the entire walk home, wondering how he had messed up so badly.  Women usually liked him and enjoyed an intellectual discussion.  He had thought, initially, that Jac MaCall would also appreciate an intellectually stimulating discussion.  They had had some interesting conversation and debate, and he found her fascinating.  The next thing he knew, she was changing the topic to discuss the damn weather.  She was bored with him.  That much was obvious.  And as much as he’d looked forward to kissing her at the end of the night, he sensed that she was no longer interested.  To avoid further humiliation, he thanked her and quickly left.
    He should have at least seen her safely inside of her building instead of just leaving her outside while he ran away like a jackass.  He’d screwed that up, too.
    At the last minute, he turned down the side street that would take him to his office instead of heading home.  He was irritated and would toss and turn in bed tonight thinking of all the things he’d done wrong.  Instead, he would grab some files and do some work tonight.  His practice always allowed him to feel in control.  His evening with Jaclyn had left him feeling incompetent.  Now he needed to get his equilibrium back.  He needed to work.  Once he calmed down, he could probably sleep a bit better.
    He parked in

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