Read Online Fifty Shades of Chicken: A Parody in a Cookbook by F.L. Fowler - Free Book Online Page A
Authors: F.L. Fowler
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water to the pan and roast until the chicken is golden around the edges, glistening with juices, and just cooked through, about 25 minutes.
4 Sprinkle with parsley and serve with lemon wedges, for squeezing.
Chicken Thighs, Stirred Up and Fried Hard
I lie exhausted on a bed of rice. He leans over me, tasting me and savoring the juices that are still dripping from me. Cab Calloway is shimmying away on the stereo. Blades runs a hand through his hair and flashes a grin at me.
“Satisfied, Miss Hen?”
I mumble my assent. Holy cow, where does he get his energy? This is the third time we’ve cooked today. Doesn’t he have some kind of job?
“Is stir-fry like this for everyone? I’m surprised anyone ever goes back.” I smile, remembering.
“I can’t speak for everyone, but it’s damn good with you.” He sucks on another piece of my warm flesh.
But I can tell he’s already thinking of how to top this. He’s layering flavors in his head, mixing textures. He can’t just stop and enjoy, he’s got to find a way to move it to the next level. He’s already made a delicious dish, can’t he be happy with that?
From the stereo, Cab is crooning, “Chicken ain’t nothing but a bird.” Right now I’m hardly even that. Blades can finesse all he likes, I think as I drowse. I need my beauty sleep.
stir-fried chicken with spinach and peanuts
SERVES 4
1 pound boneless, skinless chicken thighs, patted dry with paper towels
½ teaspoon coarse kosher salt
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
⅓ cup low-sodium chicken broth
1½ tablespoons soy sauce
1½ teaspoons cornstarch
1 teaspoon honey
1½ tablespoons peanut oil
1½ teaspoons Asian (toasted) sesame oil
1 bunch scallions, chopped, white and green parts separated
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 tablespoon grated peeled fresh gingerroot
⅛ teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
4 cups baby spinach
½ cup unsalted roasted peanuts
Cooked rice, for serving
1 Cut the chicken thighs into easy-to-nibble-size pieces; season with the salt and pepper. In a small bowl, whisk together the broth, soy sauce, cornstarch, and honey.
2 Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add the peanut and sesame oils and let heat for 30 seconds. Stir-fry the chicken hard, fast, and furiously until it’s golden and nearly done, 5 to 7 minutes. Scoop the chicken onto a plate and make it beg you to finish it off.
3 Add the scallion whites, garlic, ginger, and red pepper flakes to the pan. Cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Add the spinach and stir-fry for 1 minute longer.
4 Stir the broth mixture into the skillet and gently heat to a raucous simmer. Scrape up the browned bits from the bottom of the pan and let the sauce bubble until it is thick and velvety, 1 to 2 minutes. Stir in the peanuts, the waiting chicken, and the scallion greens. Toss until the sauce reaches its desired thickness and the chicken is quite done, 1 to 2 minutes more. Enjoy over rice.
Hashing It Out the Morning After
I begin to wonder whether I’m up to the standard of his singular tastes. Lately, finesse seems to require mayonnaise, fish sauce … and this morning there’s a bottle of ketchup waiting next to the Wolf. I know it will displease him, but I have to ask. Here goes nothing.
“Do we always have to use a condiment?”
He runs his hand through his hair, which still has that amazing just-cooked look from last night. He cocks his head from side to side and frowns.
“Condiments are for your own protection. Some of the other ingredients can be rather strong, and we need to balance the flavors. And it lubricates you.”
“Don’t you ever want to just taste me au naturel ?”
He closes his eyes as if searching for strength.
“Your savor is always present, Chicken. I choose flavors to enhance your taste, not cover it.”
“Couldn’t you leave me undressed, just once?” I feel myself gaining the upper hand for once.
“All right, Miss Hen,” he sighs
4 Sprinkle with parsley and serve with lemon wedges, for squeezing.
Chicken Thighs, Stirred Up and Fried Hard
I lie exhausted on a bed of rice. He leans over me, tasting me and savoring the juices that are still dripping from me. Cab Calloway is shimmying away on the stereo. Blades runs a hand through his hair and flashes a grin at me.
“Satisfied, Miss Hen?”
I mumble my assent. Holy cow, where does he get his energy? This is the third time we’ve cooked today. Doesn’t he have some kind of job?
“Is stir-fry like this for everyone? I’m surprised anyone ever goes back.” I smile, remembering.
“I can’t speak for everyone, but it’s damn good with you.” He sucks on another piece of my warm flesh.
But I can tell he’s already thinking of how to top this. He’s layering flavors in his head, mixing textures. He can’t just stop and enjoy, he’s got to find a way to move it to the next level. He’s already made a delicious dish, can’t he be happy with that?
From the stereo, Cab is crooning, “Chicken ain’t nothing but a bird.” Right now I’m hardly even that. Blades can finesse all he likes, I think as I drowse. I need my beauty sleep.
stir-fried chicken with spinach and peanuts
SERVES 4
1 pound boneless, skinless chicken thighs, patted dry with paper towels
½ teaspoon coarse kosher salt
½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
⅓ cup low-sodium chicken broth
1½ tablespoons soy sauce
1½ teaspoons cornstarch
1 teaspoon honey
1½ tablespoons peanut oil
1½ teaspoons Asian (toasted) sesame oil
1 bunch scallions, chopped, white and green parts separated
2 garlic cloves, finely chopped
1 tablespoon grated peeled fresh gingerroot
⅛ teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
4 cups baby spinach
½ cup unsalted roasted peanuts
Cooked rice, for serving
1 Cut the chicken thighs into easy-to-nibble-size pieces; season with the salt and pepper. In a small bowl, whisk together the broth, soy sauce, cornstarch, and honey.
2 Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat. Add the peanut and sesame oils and let heat for 30 seconds. Stir-fry the chicken hard, fast, and furiously until it’s golden and nearly done, 5 to 7 minutes. Scoop the chicken onto a plate and make it beg you to finish it off.
3 Add the scallion whites, garlic, ginger, and red pepper flakes to the pan. Cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Add the spinach and stir-fry for 1 minute longer.
4 Stir the broth mixture into the skillet and gently heat to a raucous simmer. Scrape up the browned bits from the bottom of the pan and let the sauce bubble until it is thick and velvety, 1 to 2 minutes. Stir in the peanuts, the waiting chicken, and the scallion greens. Toss until the sauce reaches its desired thickness and the chicken is quite done, 1 to 2 minutes more. Enjoy over rice.
Hashing It Out the Morning After
I begin to wonder whether I’m up to the standard of his singular tastes. Lately, finesse seems to require mayonnaise, fish sauce … and this morning there’s a bottle of ketchup waiting next to the Wolf. I know it will displease him, but I have to ask. Here goes nothing.
“Do we always have to use a condiment?”
He runs his hand through his hair, which still has that amazing just-cooked look from last night. He cocks his head from side to side and frowns.
“Condiments are for your own protection. Some of the other ingredients can be rather strong, and we need to balance the flavors. And it lubricates you.”
“Don’t you ever want to just taste me au naturel ?”
He closes his eyes as if searching for strength.
“Your savor is always present, Chicken. I choose flavors to enhance your taste, not cover it.”
“Couldn’t you leave me undressed, just once?” I feel myself gaining the upper hand for once.
“All right, Miss Hen,” he sighs
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