house.’
The house. Hear that? The house. Like “our house”.
They left the lab, Dean with his arm around Mum’s shoulders, and Aggie and I both watched them go for a good few moments, before I dropped my bag on the counter and rummaged in it loudly.
‘They must have scissors in here,’ I said as I pulled the scrap of material that had once nestled under Jazzy D’s hair out of my pencil case.
Aggie was entranced. ‘Oh wow! How did you persuade Dolores to give it to you? If I’d had the collar – or anything from the divine Jazzy – I’d never let it go.’
‘Well, it’s because I know Jason,’ I said, determined not to let my guard drop. ‘She thought it was only right. Anyway …’ - I snipped the small “half” in half again – ‘… this bit’s for you.’
Her eyes turned a bit watery. ‘My own piece of Jazzy D! I can’t believe it . Thanks, Cat. You don’t know what this means to me.’
Aww. Well, it was quite nice, being thanked. ‘Not as much as actually meeting him, of course, but I’ll see what …’
‘It doesn’t matter, Cat,’ said Aggie quickly. ‘That’s enough.’
I stared at her, not quite sure if she meant that it was enough of Jazzy’s sweat to keep her happy, or it was enough of me pretending I knew him, or perhaps both … but then she gave me a quick hug. ‘Come on, Dad’s got some surprise planned for dinner.’
So I grabbed my bag and hurried after her, wondering what special item Dean had arranged to cook for our evening meal, with no idea that it wasn’t that kind of surprise.
In fact, it wasn’t a surprise at all. “Surprise” implies something nice. Instead it was a horrible, horrible shock.
I should have got the hint when the food wasn’t all that special at all – nice, but just one of those big bags of Indian food from the supermarket followed by mango and ice cream. Then I should have got the bigger hint when Dean started scrabbling around on the floor. Then I really, really should have got the hint when he opened a small box under Mum’s nose and she burst into tears.
‘Don’t cry, Angel,’ he said, and I wanted to scream out “It’s Rachel, you idiot!” as if he’d just been getting her name wrong all this time they’d been going out together.
This, weirdly, just made Mum cry all the more.
‘Rachel,’ he said (just to prove he did know it), ‘you know that Aggie and I have been alone together for quite a few years. Never did I imagine that I would meet someone to share our lives with again, but then you came along, and Cat, of course, and I’ve found happiness once more. Rachel, will you marry me?’
‘She … she … she can’t …’ I started to say, rather like I’d done about not coming to this whole event because I was busy on Friday. She’s busy. My mum can’t marry you because she’s busy. For the rest of her life. Being my mum.
But nobody actually heard me because Mother Dearest was sobbing and saying, ‘Yes! Oh, I can’t believe i t! Oh, Cat, did you ever think … Oh, Dean! Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Aggie, are you sure?’ while Dean kissed her and clutched her hand to his chest.
‘Yes!’ yelled Aggie, perfectly nice and utterly hateful, and suddenly Dean shoved the table out of the way and tried to hug us all at once. Mum finally managed to reach me and squeezed me to her side with great happy tears rolling down her face, and I couldn’t, just couldn’t interrupt and shout ‘Stop! This is all wrong!’ because Mum looked more elated than I’d seen her in forever and …
Then we were all interrupted, to be honest, so it kind of went out of my head.
A voice from the doorway said, ‘Oh! You guys look happy. What’s up?’
We all extricated our head from someone else’s armpit and turned to see who was there.
It was a guy.
Naked as the day he was born.
And from the way Aggie screamed and screamed and screamed, I guessed that my initial thought was right, and it really was a nekkid and rather buff
The house. Hear that? The house. Like “our house”.
They left the lab, Dean with his arm around Mum’s shoulders, and Aggie and I both watched them go for a good few moments, before I dropped my bag on the counter and rummaged in it loudly.
‘They must have scissors in here,’ I said as I pulled the scrap of material that had once nestled under Jazzy D’s hair out of my pencil case.
Aggie was entranced. ‘Oh wow! How did you persuade Dolores to give it to you? If I’d had the collar – or anything from the divine Jazzy – I’d never let it go.’
‘Well, it’s because I know Jason,’ I said, determined not to let my guard drop. ‘She thought it was only right. Anyway …’ - I snipped the small “half” in half again – ‘… this bit’s for you.’
Her eyes turned a bit watery. ‘My own piece of Jazzy D! I can’t believe it . Thanks, Cat. You don’t know what this means to me.’
Aww. Well, it was quite nice, being thanked. ‘Not as much as actually meeting him, of course, but I’ll see what …’
‘It doesn’t matter, Cat,’ said Aggie quickly. ‘That’s enough.’
I stared at her, not quite sure if she meant that it was enough of Jazzy’s sweat to keep her happy, or it was enough of me pretending I knew him, or perhaps both … but then she gave me a quick hug. ‘Come on, Dad’s got some surprise planned for dinner.’
So I grabbed my bag and hurried after her, wondering what special item Dean had arranged to cook for our evening meal, with no idea that it wasn’t that kind of surprise.
In fact, it wasn’t a surprise at all. “Surprise” implies something nice. Instead it was a horrible, horrible shock.
I should have got the hint when the food wasn’t all that special at all – nice, but just one of those big bags of Indian food from the supermarket followed by mango and ice cream. Then I should have got the bigger hint when Dean started scrabbling around on the floor. Then I really, really should have got the hint when he opened a small box under Mum’s nose and she burst into tears.
‘Don’t cry, Angel,’ he said, and I wanted to scream out “It’s Rachel, you idiot!” as if he’d just been getting her name wrong all this time they’d been going out together.
This, weirdly, just made Mum cry all the more.
‘Rachel,’ he said (just to prove he did know it), ‘you know that Aggie and I have been alone together for quite a few years. Never did I imagine that I would meet someone to share our lives with again, but then you came along, and Cat, of course, and I’ve found happiness once more. Rachel, will you marry me?’
‘She … she … she can’t …’ I started to say, rather like I’d done about not coming to this whole event because I was busy on Friday. She’s busy. My mum can’t marry you because she’s busy. For the rest of her life. Being my mum.
But nobody actually heard me because Mother Dearest was sobbing and saying, ‘Yes! Oh, I can’t believe i t! Oh, Cat, did you ever think … Oh, Dean! Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Aggie, are you sure?’ while Dean kissed her and clutched her hand to his chest.
‘Yes!’ yelled Aggie, perfectly nice and utterly hateful, and suddenly Dean shoved the table out of the way and tried to hug us all at once. Mum finally managed to reach me and squeezed me to her side with great happy tears rolling down her face, and I couldn’t, just couldn’t interrupt and shout ‘Stop! This is all wrong!’ because Mum looked more elated than I’d seen her in forever and …
Then we were all interrupted, to be honest, so it kind of went out of my head.
A voice from the doorway said, ‘Oh! You guys look happy. What’s up?’
We all extricated our head from someone else’s armpit and turned to see who was there.
It was a guy.
Naked as the day he was born.
And from the way Aggie screamed and screamed and screamed, I guessed that my initial thought was right, and it really was a nekkid and rather buff
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