do anymore. This hurts,” I say, laying the side of my head on my still folded arms.
Arissa gazes across the room. “He’s looking over here,” she whispers.
“What?”
“It looks like Becky is being long-winded as usual and he’s checking on you while she’s busy talking.”
“Thanks for that stunt in Biology, by the way.”
“Sorry. You know me. I get an idea in my head and I run with it.”
“You don’t run with it, Riss. You go insane.”
She tips her head down, sticking her tongue out at me. I return the gesture and finally laugh.
We choose two desks next to each other in Geometry when Jason walks in. He claims the desk in front of me without a word. He opens his notebook and writes, hunched over his desk.
Arissa watches him and I wave for her attention. When her gaze flickers to me, I gesture to Jason and mouth, “What’s he doing?”
She shrugs, opening her palms up.
I sigh softly, digging my notebook out of my backpack and setting it on the desk. My head drops in my hand in frustration.
The echo of Jason ripping a piece of paper out of his binder bounces off the walls in the nearly empty room. He sets the paper on my notebook, turning back without a glance.
I read the note.
I’m sorry. I know I hurt you and I don’t mean to. This is a messed up situation. I date the other girls because you keep saying you aren’t the one for me. And I keep flirting with you despite all that because I like you so much.
I stare at the back of his head before penning a reply.
I like you too.
I wish my parents would let me date, but they won’t. And I wish I wasn’t jealous of the other girls, but I am.
I slide it under his right elbow. He looks down and pulls it out.
The other students come in, choosing their seats.
The note appears over Jason’s shoulder. I take it and open it.
What do you want me to do?
If I say I want him to leave me alone, I’ll lose half of my friends. If I tell him I want him to break up with Becky, it won’t be fair to him.
I see movement out of the corner of my eye and I glance over at Arissa waving at me.
“What?” she mouths.
I shake my head. “After school,” I mouth back.
The bell rings and I get lost in my head instead of listening to the teacher.
My pen hovers over the paper.
I don’t know what I want other than to not feel this way. I don’t like the thought of not having you as a friend and it’s not fair for me to ask you to wait. I never did before, I won’t start now.
I don’t give it to him right away. No way am I getting caught passing notes in class. It’s not worth the punishment Father would mete out.
I pack my backpack quietly during the last few minutes of class. I jump up as the bell rings and set the note on Jason’s desk as I rush to the door, not wanting to see his reaction.
I tell Arissa about the note on the walk home.
“What are you going to do?” she asks.
“I don’t know.”
Victoria decides to watch TV instead of doing her homework after school.
“Why didn’t you make sure she did it before watching TV?” Mother asks me when she gets home from work.
“I didn’t realize I was responsible for her doing her homework.” I answer.
“Don’t fucking smart off to me, Sara. I’m not in the mood.”
She never is. “I’m not smarting off. I’m telling you that you never told me I was supposed to make sure she did her homework.”
“Well, you are,” she says haughtily. “Since she didn’t do it, you’re grounded for the rest of the week.”
The problem with Jason is bad enough, now I’m in trouble at home because Victoria didn’t do her homework. Where is the fairness in this world?
The last year with Arissa showed me parents who love their child and let her be a child. Each day in my home is insufferable and I want out. So I push back.
“The rest of the week? The first football game is Friday. I didn’t even do anything to get grounded!”
She scowls,
Arissa gazes across the room. “He’s looking over here,” she whispers.
“What?”
“It looks like Becky is being long-winded as usual and he’s checking on you while she’s busy talking.”
“Thanks for that stunt in Biology, by the way.”
“Sorry. You know me. I get an idea in my head and I run with it.”
“You don’t run with it, Riss. You go insane.”
She tips her head down, sticking her tongue out at me. I return the gesture and finally laugh.
We choose two desks next to each other in Geometry when Jason walks in. He claims the desk in front of me without a word. He opens his notebook and writes, hunched over his desk.
Arissa watches him and I wave for her attention. When her gaze flickers to me, I gesture to Jason and mouth, “What’s he doing?”
She shrugs, opening her palms up.
I sigh softly, digging my notebook out of my backpack and setting it on the desk. My head drops in my hand in frustration.
The echo of Jason ripping a piece of paper out of his binder bounces off the walls in the nearly empty room. He sets the paper on my notebook, turning back without a glance.
I read the note.
I’m sorry. I know I hurt you and I don’t mean to. This is a messed up situation. I date the other girls because you keep saying you aren’t the one for me. And I keep flirting with you despite all that because I like you so much.
I stare at the back of his head before penning a reply.
I like you too.
I wish my parents would let me date, but they won’t. And I wish I wasn’t jealous of the other girls, but I am.
I slide it under his right elbow. He looks down and pulls it out.
The other students come in, choosing their seats.
The note appears over Jason’s shoulder. I take it and open it.
What do you want me to do?
If I say I want him to leave me alone, I’ll lose half of my friends. If I tell him I want him to break up with Becky, it won’t be fair to him.
I see movement out of the corner of my eye and I glance over at Arissa waving at me.
“What?” she mouths.
I shake my head. “After school,” I mouth back.
The bell rings and I get lost in my head instead of listening to the teacher.
My pen hovers over the paper.
I don’t know what I want other than to not feel this way. I don’t like the thought of not having you as a friend and it’s not fair for me to ask you to wait. I never did before, I won’t start now.
I don’t give it to him right away. No way am I getting caught passing notes in class. It’s not worth the punishment Father would mete out.
I pack my backpack quietly during the last few minutes of class. I jump up as the bell rings and set the note on Jason’s desk as I rush to the door, not wanting to see his reaction.
I tell Arissa about the note on the walk home.
“What are you going to do?” she asks.
“I don’t know.”
Victoria decides to watch TV instead of doing her homework after school.
“Why didn’t you make sure she did it before watching TV?” Mother asks me when she gets home from work.
“I didn’t realize I was responsible for her doing her homework.” I answer.
“Don’t fucking smart off to me, Sara. I’m not in the mood.”
She never is. “I’m not smarting off. I’m telling you that you never told me I was supposed to make sure she did her homework.”
“Well, you are,” she says haughtily. “Since she didn’t do it, you’re grounded for the rest of the week.”
The problem with Jason is bad enough, now I’m in trouble at home because Victoria didn’t do her homework. Where is the fairness in this world?
The last year with Arissa showed me parents who love their child and let her be a child. Each day in my home is insufferable and I want out. So I push back.
“The rest of the week? The first football game is Friday. I didn’t even do anything to get grounded!”
She scowls,
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