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Authors: Heather Topham Wood
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silently crept into the room to avoid having the awkward conversation about my date with Josh.
“Sorry, bad dream,” I muttered, peeking my head out from under the blanket. I looked at the clock, noting it was after seven, and decided I might as well stay awake. I’d returned after one in the mo rning but could fit in a nap later if I needed the extra sleep. With my heart pounding and my head spinning, sleep would be fleeting.
“How was your night? I passed out at midnight and you weren’t home yet,” Lexi said cheerfully. I assumed Josh hadn’t been in touch with her by the hopeful tone of her voice.
“It was fun,” I answered honestly. Once the awkwardness between Blake and me disappeared, I had a good time with him and Darien. Darien continued to flirt and at times it seemed to annoy Blake. But Blake never protested. He was sending out a clear signal: we were friends and nothing more.
“Really? Where did he take you to dinner?”
“The date with Josh was fine, we went to Piazza’s and then coffee, but we ended the night early.” I sat up in bed. “I ran into Blake and hung out at his apartment with him and his roommate.”
“If you went to Blake’s place that doesn’t sound like Josh is going to get a second date.”
I aimed to keep my voice neutral. “Did you tell Josh about my panic attacks? He brought it up and I wasn’t prepared for it. I ran inside our room and shut the door in his face.”
“No, of course I didn’t tell him,” Lexi breathed out. “Oh no, I’m going to kill Finn. I mentioned last semester I was worried about you and he must’ve said something to Josh. I’m really sorry.”
“It’s okay.” It was fine because I had to give Lexi credit. She could’ve put in a room change request the week after I moved in and had my first panic attack. If her worst transgression was telling her boyfriend her roommate was one small step away from psychiatric commitment status, I could hardly blame her.
“I’m sorry I pushed Josh on you too. I knew you didn’t see him that way, but he’s a good guy and I thought maybe he could help you get out there and start dating again.” Lexi wrung out her hands. “I think I was being selfish and imagining how much fun it would be if you were dating Finn’s best friend.”
“I like Josh, but I can’t see him as more than a friend. Even if we tried to casually date, I don’t think it would be fair to either of us.”
“But you like Blake as more than a friend.”
My physical attraction to Blake started as soon as we met, but an unrequited crush was something I could handle. When he drove me back to campus the night before, I recognized how my feelings had changed. Kissing Blake had been an unreachable fantasy, but while we were alone in the quiet intimacy of his car, I wanted the real thing. “I do, but nothing is going to happen.”
“Why not?”
“I have my… stuff and Blake has his own.” I didn’t want to tell Lexi about Blake’s father. It seemed like something he didn’t advertise and I didn’t want to blab something he told me in confidence. I wasn’t sure if Blake was keeping me at a distance because of his father or some other reason. He was stingy about sharing too many personal details about his life so I was left playing a never-ending guessing game.
“Well, I’m done pushing you. I’m not going to be labeled a horrible friend because I’m coercing you to date when you have no desire to,” Lexi said resolutely before lying back down in her bed.
Smiling softly, I wondered how long her promise would last. She was deliriously happy with Finn and I found people in love liked to set their friends up to share in the bliss. I was happy for her and it was uplifting to see a healthy relationship. I’d been in the most toxic relationship possible and I was grateful to Hunter for one single thing only—breaking up with me. If he had stood by me, then I would’ve ended up putting up with his cruelty for who
“Sorry, bad dream,” I muttered, peeking my head out from under the blanket. I looked at the clock, noting it was after seven, and decided I might as well stay awake. I’d returned after one in the mo rning but could fit in a nap later if I needed the extra sleep. With my heart pounding and my head spinning, sleep would be fleeting.
“How was your night? I passed out at midnight and you weren’t home yet,” Lexi said cheerfully. I assumed Josh hadn’t been in touch with her by the hopeful tone of her voice.
“It was fun,” I answered honestly. Once the awkwardness between Blake and me disappeared, I had a good time with him and Darien. Darien continued to flirt and at times it seemed to annoy Blake. But Blake never protested. He was sending out a clear signal: we were friends and nothing more.
“Really? Where did he take you to dinner?”
“The date with Josh was fine, we went to Piazza’s and then coffee, but we ended the night early.” I sat up in bed. “I ran into Blake and hung out at his apartment with him and his roommate.”
“If you went to Blake’s place that doesn’t sound like Josh is going to get a second date.”
I aimed to keep my voice neutral. “Did you tell Josh about my panic attacks? He brought it up and I wasn’t prepared for it. I ran inside our room and shut the door in his face.”
“No, of course I didn’t tell him,” Lexi breathed out. “Oh no, I’m going to kill Finn. I mentioned last semester I was worried about you and he must’ve said something to Josh. I’m really sorry.”
“It’s okay.” It was fine because I had to give Lexi credit. She could’ve put in a room change request the week after I moved in and had my first panic attack. If her worst transgression was telling her boyfriend her roommate was one small step away from psychiatric commitment status, I could hardly blame her.
“I’m sorry I pushed Josh on you too. I knew you didn’t see him that way, but he’s a good guy and I thought maybe he could help you get out there and start dating again.” Lexi wrung out her hands. “I think I was being selfish and imagining how much fun it would be if you were dating Finn’s best friend.”
“I like Josh, but I can’t see him as more than a friend. Even if we tried to casually date, I don’t think it would be fair to either of us.”
“But you like Blake as more than a friend.”
My physical attraction to Blake started as soon as we met, but an unrequited crush was something I could handle. When he drove me back to campus the night before, I recognized how my feelings had changed. Kissing Blake had been an unreachable fantasy, but while we were alone in the quiet intimacy of his car, I wanted the real thing. “I do, but nothing is going to happen.”
“Why not?”
“I have my… stuff and Blake has his own.” I didn’t want to tell Lexi about Blake’s father. It seemed like something he didn’t advertise and I didn’t want to blab something he told me in confidence. I wasn’t sure if Blake was keeping me at a distance because of his father or some other reason. He was stingy about sharing too many personal details about his life so I was left playing a never-ending guessing game.
“Well, I’m done pushing you. I’m not going to be labeled a horrible friend because I’m coercing you to date when you have no desire to,” Lexi said resolutely before lying back down in her bed.
Smiling softly, I wondered how long her promise would last. She was deliriously happy with Finn and I found people in love liked to set their friends up to share in the bliss. I was happy for her and it was uplifting to see a healthy relationship. I’d been in the most toxic relationship possible and I was grateful to Hunter for one single thing only—breaking up with me. If he had stood by me, then I would’ve ended up putting up with his cruelty for who
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