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Authors: Heather Topham Wood
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knows how long before I finally wised up.
***
On Tuesday, Josh finally called. I considered calling him first, but I was embarrassed over our date and wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t know if I needed to apologize or if it would be better to pretend none of the awkwardness happened.
“Hello.”
“Hi, Autumn. I’m glad I caught you, I thought maybe you went out with Lexi and Finn.”
An hour earlier, Lexi and Finn left for an off-campus party. Blake mentioned during class he would be there as well, but I decided to pass. I liked the quiet in the dorms on Tuesdays and found it the best time to catch up on my class work for the week. Most of the students didn’t have early classes on Wednesday, which had turned Tuesday nights into a major campus party night. Dorm parties were rare because of security roaming the halls after hours, so most of the gatherings took place off campus.
“No, staying in tonight. What about you?”
“I’m getting over a stomach bug that started yesterday. I was finally able to get out of bed today, but I’m still feeling like crap.”
“That’s too bad. Hope you feel better,” I chirped. I chewed on my thumb as I was greeted by awkward silence. Finally, I started, “Listen, Josh—”
“Autumn, I’m sorry—” he broke in.
“You don’t need to apologize. I had a great time at dinner and I know you were trying to help by bringing up the panic attacks. Maybe I do need to talk to someone on a regular basis about them.”
“I don’t think less of you and I don’t want you to think we were badmouthing you behind your back. Lexi had said something to Finn and we were trying to figure out how to help you.”
“I understand. You’re a good friend, Josh, and I don’t want to mess it up,” I said gently.
“I get it. I wish it wasn’t the case, but you made it clear you weren’t looking for a boyfriend. But I hope I didn’t make things weird between us.”
“No, we’re totally fine. We should get together for lunch later in the week and test things out. I bet there won’t be a trace of weirdness.”
Josh sounded relieved and we made plans to get together on Friday for lunch. It would be easy to shy away, but I had only a handful of friends. I didn’t want to lose Josh because our attempts at a romance fizzled out.
Later, I stared up at the ceiling while trying unsuccessfully to fall asleep. Lexi texted me before midnight to let me know she was sleeping up in Finn’s room. She never invited Finn to our room, although I told her I wouldn’t mind. I was a little uncomfortable with the idea of Finn witnessing one of my panic attacks, but the offer was my attempt at being a good roommate. There was no handbook on how to appease a normal roommate who had to deal with my emotional breakdowns.
It felt like my eyes were barely closed when I awoke to the sound of persistent knocking. I lifted up onto my elbows and groaned at the clock when I saw it was after three in the morning. I thought I heard once people went crazy from lack of sleep. If that was true, I was halfway there. I clambered over to the door and looked through the keyhole. Blake was shuffling side to side with his hands in his pockets. Before I could process him at my door, he lifted his right hand and knocked again.
“Autumn,” he called through the doorway.
“What the hell?” I whispered before swinging open the door.
“Hey, you are awake,” Blake said brightly. He looked me up and down and smiled as his eyes raked over my zebra-printed pajama pants and black tank top.
“No, I wasn’t awake. What are you doing here?” I demanded and looked him over as well. He was wearing a black sweater and a pair of dark jeans that hung low on his hips. With his bleary gaze and goofy expression, I guessed he had way too much to drink at the party.
“You don’t sound glad to see me. I bet most girls on your floor would be thrilled to find me knocking at their doors.” He raised his voice and
***
On Tuesday, Josh finally called. I considered calling him first, but I was embarrassed over our date and wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t know if I needed to apologize or if it would be better to pretend none of the awkwardness happened.
“Hello.”
“Hi, Autumn. I’m glad I caught you, I thought maybe you went out with Lexi and Finn.”
An hour earlier, Lexi and Finn left for an off-campus party. Blake mentioned during class he would be there as well, but I decided to pass. I liked the quiet in the dorms on Tuesdays and found it the best time to catch up on my class work for the week. Most of the students didn’t have early classes on Wednesday, which had turned Tuesday nights into a major campus party night. Dorm parties were rare because of security roaming the halls after hours, so most of the gatherings took place off campus.
“No, staying in tonight. What about you?”
“I’m getting over a stomach bug that started yesterday. I was finally able to get out of bed today, but I’m still feeling like crap.”
“That’s too bad. Hope you feel better,” I chirped. I chewed on my thumb as I was greeted by awkward silence. Finally, I started, “Listen, Josh—”
“Autumn, I’m sorry—” he broke in.
“You don’t need to apologize. I had a great time at dinner and I know you were trying to help by bringing up the panic attacks. Maybe I do need to talk to someone on a regular basis about them.”
“I don’t think less of you and I don’t want you to think we were badmouthing you behind your back. Lexi had said something to Finn and we were trying to figure out how to help you.”
“I understand. You’re a good friend, Josh, and I don’t want to mess it up,” I said gently.
“I get it. I wish it wasn’t the case, but you made it clear you weren’t looking for a boyfriend. But I hope I didn’t make things weird between us.”
“No, we’re totally fine. We should get together for lunch later in the week and test things out. I bet there won’t be a trace of weirdness.”
Josh sounded relieved and we made plans to get together on Friday for lunch. It would be easy to shy away, but I had only a handful of friends. I didn’t want to lose Josh because our attempts at a romance fizzled out.
Later, I stared up at the ceiling while trying unsuccessfully to fall asleep. Lexi texted me before midnight to let me know she was sleeping up in Finn’s room. She never invited Finn to our room, although I told her I wouldn’t mind. I was a little uncomfortable with the idea of Finn witnessing one of my panic attacks, but the offer was my attempt at being a good roommate. There was no handbook on how to appease a normal roommate who had to deal with my emotional breakdowns.
It felt like my eyes were barely closed when I awoke to the sound of persistent knocking. I lifted up onto my elbows and groaned at the clock when I saw it was after three in the morning. I thought I heard once people went crazy from lack of sleep. If that was true, I was halfway there. I clambered over to the door and looked through the keyhole. Blake was shuffling side to side with his hands in his pockets. Before I could process him at my door, he lifted his right hand and knocked again.
“Autumn,” he called through the doorway.
“What the hell?” I whispered before swinging open the door.
“Hey, you are awake,” Blake said brightly. He looked me up and down and smiled as his eyes raked over my zebra-printed pajama pants and black tank top.
“No, I wasn’t awake. What are you doing here?” I demanded and looked him over as well. He was wearing a black sweater and a pair of dark jeans that hung low on his hips. With his bleary gaze and goofy expression, I guessed he had way too much to drink at the party.
“You don’t sound glad to see me. I bet most girls on your floor would be thrilled to find me knocking at their doors.” He raised his voice and
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